A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help interpreting an email from my GF I am currently on a break with. Some background:My girlfriend of 2+ plus initiated a break about two weeks ago. Since we live together I've been staying at my mother's house while she finds a new apartment. There are no real terms of the break. No time limit. She insists she loves me, says I'm the best boyfriend and that she sees a future with me (even in the week prior to the break she was talking about our wedding). The problem, she says, is her own unhappiness that she needs to fix without the constraints or safety of a relationship. She doesn't want to separate, but doesn't know what else to do to get well. Since the break we have not spoken until yesterday. She initiated an email exchange about mostly apartment stuff, but then asked how it was for me to be home. I responded:"Home isn't all that great but I'm making it work. I miss you quite a bit. How are things with you?"Today I got her response:"This is really hard for me. It's been tough. I really do believe this is what I need right now and I don't want to give you false hope. You're on my mind all the time--how could you not be? I love you and I can't stand hurting you but doing this now, in my eyes, prevented things from getting ugly down the line. I hope you understand. As for the living situation, I'm trying to find an apartment for Sept so I will keep you posted on that.xo"-----What do you make of this? Does her email indicate that our relationship is over? Or that there is some chance of us getting back together?Obviously if she decides to stay with me, she will tell me. But since there is no defined end to the break, I'm worried she won't tell me once she realizes it's over, and this will just wither away without closure. I'd rather her be up front then drag this out, thinking she is being kind.So I'm trying to figure out from this email where her head is at right now. What do you all think? Thanks so much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): It sounds like its over. I think she's trying to let you down easy by dragging it out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): "What do you make of this? Does her email indicate that our relationship is over? Or that there is some chance of us getting back together?"Sorry to have to suggest this, but as a guy my first inclination is she has dumped you, likely for another guy she's already been banging behind your back for a while, but she lacks the personal integrity, character, morals and courage to tell you the truth to your face, preferring instead to string you along while she looks for a place where she and her new guy can shack up together, until you eventually and ultimately get the hint that you have been played for a fool and a sucker. Not saying it's true, hope it's not, but at this point it is a possibility that can't be definitively ruled out, and I can't think of a more reasonable explanation that fits the circumstances. But then, I'm the type who always thinks the worst of people; but then, unfortunately I'm also the type who usually happens to be right far more often than I want to or should be.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (30 August 2012):
 I think the false hope phrase + that it's better to do now than when things that were going to get ugly down the line together say it's over.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 I read Stacy63088 response and have to agree that it's not just a break. Probably she still has feelings and of course she misses you but she's making it clear that she's moving on. Sadly. It sounds like a painful time for both of you to be honest. Pulling the plaster off bit by bit is less painful for her, but not for you. Sad to say, but I think you ought to be a bit less selfless and have a direct talk with her. Yes it will lead to tears, and it will be painful for you both. But I do believe that you should know what's in store, prepare for that and start to make your own plans. Sorry it doesn't seem to be working out ??
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (29 August 2012):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-this-really-a-break-or-is-this.html
And this is your before post right? You were living together, why is she trying to find her own apartment? That doesn't sound like it was ever meant to be a short break. Nothing in her email indicated that she plans to get back together, I'm sorry. It sounds like she didn't want it to end horribly and although it is hard its better this way. Rather than ask us and analyze every word she said while waiting around depressed, why not ask HER where her head is at? We can speculate but only she can tell you exactly what is going on. And you wont be happy with any of our answers unless they are that we think she is definitely coming back to you. I know that much from your dislike to the responses from your last posted question. I'm sorry to have to be this way and I'm sorry that honesty hurts, but you are coming off like a doormat waiting around for her to "come back" to you and over analyzing everything she wrote. And I will say again, it seems pretty well over and you should be treating it as such and moving on. By her saying she doesn't want to give you false hope- that's what that means. She isn't sure she wants to be with you and she is moving on. She doesn't want you to wait when she doesn't know if she ever would want to come back. But you can ask her how long she wants you to wait for her, I'm willing to bet she will say don't. It doesn't sound like a break at all.
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