A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend says she thinks we should find other people because I last way too long in bed and she takes a minute to "O" and then gets bored and wants me to just get it over with.We do foreplay and I am trying to teach her how to satisfy my with her hands. I am not watching movies or anything. Is there anything else we can do to alleviate this problem or is she right in that we should find other people who closely match our times in bed? It is not something that I would like to do as she is a great girl I have never clicked with anyone quite like her. I am genuinely scared of losing her.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I think she may be lying to you. If I had to guess I would say she is faking her Os and blaming that because she is not happy with your sex life. Sorry but sounds like you are already losing her.
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (12 October 2016):
I've been on both sides of this. I had a boyfriend who complained that it took too much work to get me to orgasm (it doesn't actually but he thought penetration should be enough - we were young!) and another who thought he was amazing because he could go for over an hour of penetration - ouch!
So I suppose it depends on a few factors. How long are we talking and what are you asking of her in that time? Im sorry to say that sex did become a chore with my long-lasting ex because he was totally focused on his own orgasm. I felt like I was working a shift every time we were in bed because he needed a very hard and fast grip to get there and even me talking could put him off at times. So we'd have sex for ages to the point I was dry and sore, followed by me silently masturbating him as hard and fast as I could for 15-20 minutes while he lay back with his eyes closed to 'keep his focus'. It really wasn't sexy!
If he'd have been open to more sensuality and more experimentation then it would have been a totally different experience, but it was mechanical and forced and I'll admit it was one of the factors that led me to end it with him. The fact I was orgasming first didn't make it more enjoyable in the slightest because there was no connection. I felt I could have been replaced by any willing woman and he wouldn't have bothered.
I'm not saying that's definitely the case with you, but consider whether you may have been acting like you think because she's orgasmed early the rest of the sex session revolves around your pleasure only. You should still be trying to make it enjoyable for her, otherwise she may feel the same way I did.
On the other hand, if she expects to just roll over and sleep once she's done then she's being out of order and I think you should consider why you want to be in a relationship with her at all. Unfortunately I think being selfish in bed often means being selfish as a person and I personally would rather find someone more accommodating to share my life with.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I think you should accept and honor what your girlfriend has said. She wants out. Sorry, but you already lost her. You need to let this one go, there will be other girls out there more accepting of who you are and more willing to compromise. Not all women have a need for a partner to be just as "quick" or as if sex was on a time schedule. But sexual compatibility is important, and while you think you and her are compatible (because you are willing to compromise), she doesn't this you as compatible and want to move on. In this case, you got to let her go.
Trust me, when one partner says they want out, it NEVER pays off to try and talk them into staying. All you end up with by doing that is a shitty half-hearted relationship that is bound to end sooner or later anyway. Better to save your time and save yourself the heartache, and just cut the cord and get it over with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): she is basically wanting to find an excuse to be with , f**k other guys. she may not be the best long term girl for you. if she wants other guys now , how will you trust her in the future?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 October 2016):
 This issue is usually the other way round, i.e. men orgasm much faster than women. The advice given on those occasions is to go again later. Could this be a solution for you and your girlfriend?
That aside, I have to agree that there is more to this than meets the eye. If your girlfriend is so in tune with her sexual responses that she can reach orgasm that easily (and some females really are), then she should be able to go a second time a little while later to keep you happy.
I too wonder if she is using this as an excuse.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Hi. Find other people as in separate or find other people as in open relationship? May I ask how long you guys have been together and has this always been an issue? Plenty of people don't enjoy marathon sex but holy cow she is not very accommodating. Seems you trying to teach her what you find to be pleasurable and closer to reach her 'o' timing is a good way to start. Prolong hers and speed up yours. What ever it is you are doing to make her cum-STOP. Draw it out as long as you can. I would suggest asking her what takes her over the edge so quickly and work t out from there. Im not sexologist but have a look at Tantra sex techniques. Maybe that could help. She needs to be able to control herself. We can, us ladies, and she should if reaching orgasm is easy for her. Good luck with it all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): I think your girlfriend just wants to date other guys. She may be faking her orgasms just to rush you along; because she's bored with sex with you, period!
It takes women far longer to reach an orgasm than it takes for a guy to ejaculate; and I think your girlfriend is pulling a fast one over on you my friend.
You might be afraid of losing her; but it seems you already have, if she is using sex as the only reason to see other people. Are you sure she loves you back? Or does it matter?
How does she reach it so fast, oral or intercourse?
If she can reach an orgasm in a minute; she's a biological wonder, or your foreplay is amazing!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Truly? I think she is NOT a great girl. What person would be satisfied by their partner, then turn around and suggest cheating on them because they don't feel like satisfying them??? That's a really selfish, shallow person.
I'll tell you this - I also think that she is either lying, or has no idea what an orgasm is. I personally think it's the former, because if she were having regular orgasms from you and with you, there's NO WAY she'd disengage so fast and become "bored" with you. If she really cared about you, she would see to your needs! It would turn her on to see to you with the same enthusiasm that you saw to her!
Here's a test - next time, since she's the "faster" O, you should go first! Usually, it's the other way around since most guys reach it before most girls, OR intercourse isn't the way many women get there for the first time.
If she's bored AFTER her orgasm (I still am very skeptical), then YOU GO FIRST!
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A
male
reader, BiggMikey +, writes (12 October 2016):
Does she want to find other guys too, or just girls. Cause if she brings guys in, especially one potentially better than you, you probably won't like it. Sound like though she just need help with you. You get off I in a minute and last a long time - you must be good, as in BIG. Then, she gets bored after a minute, maybe she's frigid. Maybe she could pick girls to bring home to you...lucky guy :-)
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