A
male
age
30-35,
*indydays
writes:(I'm sorry this is a really long story, please just bear with me; I felt like I was writing an essay)First time using an advice column, please help. Still young, starting junior year (yeah a lot of school stress) Well...beginning: Two years ago, I asked a girl out. We went strong until around mid-soph year. There really wasn't any problem with the relationship. I was just really depressed, and didn't think there was much to be happy with.(I started making decisions on impulse, but no drugs or alcohol, just a bunch of pent up sadness and anger. It's a different issue, my depression comes in cycles, but right now I'm in a stable mood.)Sorry for getting off track, just a lot going on. So about the impulse part, I thought I would be happier if I tried to change parts of my life, so I broke up with this girl. After about 3 months, I start thinking about her...just everything about her. I started dreaming about her too. No serious dreams, just small instances where she's there. I'm such a dysfunctional idiot, I never thought that she might've really cared about me. I began to remember that she always tried to cheer me up while I was depressed, always just being there and making me smile, but I just couldn't see that because...well I was depressed) Anyways bout half a year after the break-up, I confessed to her, met up with her told I was sorry for everything, and told her I wanted her back. Surprisingly, she just flat out says yes. I don't know why it was surprising, I was hoping that she would say yes, but it's just not supposed to happen. I mean, I just left her, and she said she tried to forget me and all the pain I put her through. It's so unreasonable and irrational to go back to a guy that hurt you, right? So now we're back together, bout a month now. Her friends are my friends so they tell me that she's been super worried ever since we got back together. I can understand that she's worried that I might leave her again because I'm unstable, but NO! she's questioning our relationship because she thinks she doesn't deserve me. Let me give you a brief description. I've had a problem since 6th grade, honestly a very shy, introverted person. Started messing up in school, dropping to C's, now around B's. About a 6/10 on the attractive scale. Lazy, serious focusing problems, detached family life. The only upside I find is that I have a crazy...awkward, no worries, open-to-all type of personality/attitude (possibly bad too? dono haha). She has been an A student since preschool, literally. She's super athletic, super cute...haha well she's my girlfriend so basically just perfect :). For anyone that is still reading this, I appreciate it a lot. haha jeez I'll be lucky to get one answer. So finally, what should I do? I feel so frickin guilty for making the mistake in the first place. I don't know how to talk to her about it because for one...I'm not supposed to know that she feels this way and two, she won't believe anything I say if I confess to her. The first time we went out I told her I loved her, how is she supposed to believe it now? Well, now that my heads a little more cleared up, I honestly honestly love her. I would marry her in a heartbeat if we didn't have high school and college to go through first haha. She just has so much else to worry about: Grades, SATs, sports... I want to be there for her instead of just another burden.I...proofread this thing and I couldn't really find the question myself haha sorry, maybe I just had to vent, but if you have an answer, THANK YOU, holy crap, from the bottom of my heart thank you.-windydays
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): I think i am in a similar situation...but one thing i am not sure if he loves me...i love him a lot...want to build a home with him...but then i start feeling...what if he doesnt want all tht...thn i am just being a burden to him...and its gnawing me from within...my heart tells me he loves me as well but something stops him....he is very caring and a wonderful person....typically the type u mentioned...crazy...awkward, no worries, open-to-all type of personality/attitude......which is one of the things i really fell for him.....but how i am waiting for him to tell me ...'yes i do love you'..hmm dont know if tht day will ever come...neways
About your situation...love dsnt come so easily to everyone..you have it with you..dont lose it...i can assure you all she wants is you..your presence...she loves u for u..and doesnt care any bit about whether you are an A grader or not...trust me...i am no good at explaining these things but i can tell this definitely...dont lose her...just hold her hands walk with her and travel the miles..life is life only with the person who loves you:)....So stop all these depression stuff and go live it up with her..she is waiting for you:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): I think i am in a similar situation...but one thing i am not sure if he loves me...i love him a lot...want to build a home with him...but then i start feeling...what if he doesnt want all tht...thn i am just being a burden to him...and its gnawing me from within...my heart tells me he loves me as well but something stops him....he is very caring and a wonderful person....typically the type u mentioned...crazy...awkward, no worries, open-to-all type of personality/attitude......which is one of the things i really fell for him.....but how i am waiting for him to tell me ...'yes i do love you'..hmm dont know if tht day will ever come...neways
About your situation...love dsnt come so easily to everyone..you have it with you..dont lose it...i can assure you all she wants is you..your presence...she loves u for u..and doesnt care any bit about whether you are an A grader or not...trust me...i am no good at explaining these things but i can tell this definitely...dont lose her...just hold her hands walk with her and travel the miles..life is life only with the person who loves you:)....So stop all these depression stuff and go live it up with her..she is waiting for you:)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (25 August 2010):
Hi there. First of all, I think you are worrying without reason. The fact you seem to like each other equally, is enough to be together in the first place.You are both still way too young to even be considering getting serious and marriage the whole works.Just see how it all goes, develop some interests and find things in common. Just enjoy your time together.Don't think about what happened in the past, that's history now and can't be changed. So don't live your life in fear that you are going to break up. Remember the Law of Attraction: What you focus on most, you bring more of that into your life. Which in this case would be, if you worry constantly about breaking up, you probably will break up. Because all your actions will reinforce your belief. Instead, think only about how good it is that you are going out with each other, and what great times you both will have now and in the future.When you are talking together, just be honest with each other and don't hold anything back. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to getting emotionally involved with each other. And once you do discuss what you both want from this relationship, then just go from there. Don't force it to move faster than it's meant to, as that would be a really bad move. Neither of you should feel pressured into anything you're not ready for.In any case, just go with the flow and what feels right to both of you. Follow your heart always.Just keep an eye on whether you start to get depressed again, and don't allow it to go any longer than for 2 weeks. If you do get depressed, try going for walks for about 30 minutes, it will help you relieve stress. Depression can sometimes be a result of a lot going on at the same time and feeling overwhelmed. Study and exams, these things will cause some anxiety also. Of course, with time and as soon as you are no longer studying, things will all resume to normal. Any anxiety will cease to exist.Hope this helps you. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 August 2010):
 You've been given an amazing chance with an obviously amazing girl. Don't mess up again! Love isn't about who deserves another person. It's about what you both want, are you both happy around each other? If you are, NEVER let that go. Make her happy, show her how special she is to you and she'll make you happy too. If she really feels badly about it, tell her that you want her in your life, you want to be with her and you want to make her smile.
Make her believe that you love her, hold her hand in public, give her a kiss, open doors for her and stuff like that.
I hope that helps.
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