A
male
age
41-50,
*eekinglove
writes:I have the most loveliest girlfriend in the world. She is so sweet and adores me. I love her so much and I can't imagine not being without her.Then 2 days ago she said to me she allows me to have sex with prostitutes if I wear a condom. She said several of her ex-bf said that it's normal and she allowed it "out of love" I'm assuming.This made me feel so revolted and completely putrid! I just wanted to die and hate myself. Is it wrong of me to feel upset that she allowed me to do this? I lost my virginity to her recently... Yes I know I'm old but I waited for the special girl. AND now she tells me this.... I don't know what to do... VERY UPSET.... It might sound like every man's dream, but I just feel like a piece of meat!
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condom, her ex, lost my virginity, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 It could be that she wants to eliminate that conversation down the road, so she's telling you it's "OK" now. If you don't want to, just tell her (and stick to your word). I'm sure she'll be relieved
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Just tell her that you have no interest, or need, to do that.
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A
female
reader, Laura555 +, writes (6 July 2012):
I agree with Daniel it was a test
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 July 2012):
If my fiancee said something like that to me, my first thought would be she doesnt feel the same way about me as she used to.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I’m not sure why you feel so bad about yourself because of what she said. Just because she said you can does not mean you have to.
Tell her that it’s not an option and take it off the table. She may be very relieved that you feel that way.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 This was a test.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): Why should you feel bad for not wanting to cheat on your girlfriend, you shouldn't feel bad. You sound like a very genuine and honest guy to me and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, I would if I was you question your girlfriend about why she would want you to do such a thing just because all her ex's did. Could it be a (strange) sexual fetish she has...because you said several of her ex's have done this and she has remained with them as oppose to leaving them for cheating. Whatever the reason its a strange one. Bottom line is, if you are uncomfortable with taking her up on her proposal then do NOT do it. You will only feel worse than you now. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 July 2012):
 We live in a culture that teaches both men and women that men are entitled to fulfill just about any sexual desire they want, regardless of the impact on their partners. Usually that stops short of actually having sex with other people, but that's actually fairly recent and not true in all places.
Your girlfriend has likely been totally brainwashed by this into thinking that if she doesn't give you 100% sexual freedom you will dump her. It sounds like her previous boyfriends thoroughly destroyed her self-esteem and made her feel like she doesn't deserve a guy who will treat her well. I'm certain she didn't mean it as an offensive comment towards you.
You should reassure her you're not like her ex-boyfriends and you don't want to treat women like garbage. That you want to be with her and only her and she doesn't need to feel scared to ask that from you.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 Is she from a foreign country? If so this may be how she was raised, to give a man whatever he wants if you expect to keep him. Maybe she thinks this is what all American men want. You have to talk to her and tell her how you felt about the comment. Tell her it's wrong and you don't plan to be with a prostitute. I'm pretty sure she didn't realize you'd be offended.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 July 2012):
I don't think this is every man's dream.
Perhaps she's testing you, in which case it's a poor test. Or perhaps she's been with some crap men.
Ultimately though, the point is that you don't need to do it. Maybe you should tell her that you don't want to do it, and hopefully this problem will go away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Are you absolutely sure that she isnt testing you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 July 2012):
 Just because she "allows" it doesn't mean you HAVE to do it, does it?
I'm kind of guessing that she "allowed" previous BF to do as they pleased in an attempt to keep the relationship going. Why she or her previous BFs think it's "normal" in any relationship to have sex with prostitutes is beyond me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): You are right to feel this way about her comment. However, I dont think you can blame her as it seems her exes have taken advantage of her by telling her this is 'acceptable.' By understanding this is wrong and feeling angry at the thought of it you can show her that it is not 'acceptable' because she is worth more than that. Good luck!
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