A
male
age
30-35,
*ummy_bear
writes:I'm a marine currently on deployment. I have a girlfriend back home and i just wanted an outside view on my situation so that i know im not thinking irrational or being too jealous.The thing is that ive noticed that lately my girlfriend has been trying to communicate with me less and less. Ive checked up on her through facebook a few times and i think shes been flirting with alot of guys behind my back. some who were guys that she have dated in the past. she did made this post where whenever a guy likes her status, she would rate them, tell them whether she'd date them and say something that she likes about them. what bothers me is that she rates alot of guys with 10s and tell them that she would date them. am i paranoid if im worried about this or do i have the right to be worried? theres also another guy who use to be her boyfriend that she would often call and post comments on each others walls telling each other "i love fkn love you." when i get the chance to call her and ask her of it, she would try to avoid the subject and sometimes even make up an excuse not to talk to me. i know she flirts with alot of guys, but i try not to bring it up whenever i get the chance to talk to her because i really just want to be able to talk to her without scaring her into making excuses to get off the phone with me. it's killing me inside so badly. i don't wanna end things with her but i think thats the best thing for the both of us if shes gonna act this way. so am i just paranoid or what? what do you guys think of her as a girlfriend? how should i react to these circumstances?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
 ya know it's one thing when I see a nice looking guy and I joke that i'm going to "put him on my to-do list" and what your GF is doing... she's over the line IMO
and to NOT talk about it... that's wrong too.
I think it's time to cut bait on this one.
I'm sorry it happened to you while deployed... thank you for that.
A
male
reader, gummy_bear +, writes (6 January 2012):
gummy_bear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I know what I must do and maybe inside, I knew I shouldve ended it sooner, but I wanted to give her one more chance somehow so that I wouldn't have to end it without feeling any regrets later.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 " i know she flirts with alot of guys, but i try not to bring it up whenever i get the chance to talk to her because i really just want to be able to talk to her without scaring her into making excuses to get off the phone with me"
This line troubles me, and makes me think that your relationship is over. First off she shows a lack of respect to you when flirting with other men. Second she ignores you. Third you feel you can't talk open and honestly with your girlfriend about problems you have in your relationship out of fear that she will stop talking to you/get off the phone. Your girlfriend is, in other words, stonewalling. This means that if you bring up a subject she isn't happy to talk about she will leave the conversation and not deal with the issue. Stonewalling means the issues are never dealt with, but stay there because she is not interested in solving them. This in return tells me that she PREFERS things the way they are. She isn't interesting in making this relationship work, and she isn't interested in making you happy.
All of these things together spell out a failed relationship. Let her go, you deserve better. You can't fix this when she doesn't want to talk to you.
I think you can give her one final chance. Talk to her about these problems on the phone. If she comes up with excuses to leave the conversation, or just leaves, then you know what you must do.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 January 2012):
I agree with CaringGuy, you really don't need this stuff on deployment. Your feelings are not irrational: it would upset anyone. I think it would be best to just cut things off with her because I'm afraid that if you let this fester you may lose concentration and to top it all off come home to someone who isn't committed to you anymore. You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 January 2012):
I would say this is a bad sign, to be honest. It's not just the flirting, but it's also the underhand way she tries not to talk to you and such.
To be honest, as most military people will tell you (I'm not one, by the way), you need a partner that you can trust 100%. The last thing you need when you're away on tour is your partner acting this way. You have to be able to focus on the things at hand, not the things that are worrying you at home. Otherwise you'll be worrying about this when you need to be working.
I suspect the case is that you've matured because of your work, whereas she's not matured enough that she can commit at this level. The only thing I can say in her defence at all is that she's young, and committing to someone who is away a lot is probably hard. And as she's supposed to love you, that's not really a very good defence.
Perhaps the best thing you can do is move on from her. That way she can do what she likes, and you can commit to your work and not worry about what she's doing. Then, at a later date, you'll be able to meet a woman who will commit to you.
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