A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my wife is behaving a bit strange. since last 3 months we are trying baby and now while having sex she doesnt enjoy it a bit. we tried many new things, having it in different places around the house, going away on weekend to stay overnight etc etc. but none worked, She just doesnt feel connected. The other day had an argument and I am just not sure how to make it more enjoyable. Candle light dinner, cooked dinner for her a million times. everything seems Ok but as soon as we start there problem comes. she has problem me coming on top. when she comes on top i somehow not managed to have same hardness however given some time I come back to the form. but till then she looses interest and she is very frustrated. next day or 2 we sulk and after initiating she tell me that she cannot express her feelings, she feels that I have kept like 1 tonne of weight on her. What am i doing wrong? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012):
If I was in her place, I'd really feel under pressure. Usually you both have probably had sex just for the fun of it, and now it's only a means to some higher goal like having a family. No wonder there's not much fun in this anymore. She may feel that maybe you don't really desire HER at the moment, but you wish for a baby and that's why you do this. Maybe she's even scared a bit about being pregnant. Give her time and space and talk to her if she has any concerns or second thoughts about it.
And also be realistic, there are couples who need more than half a year to get pregnant anyways, so it's not useful if you both try to hurry.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Talk to her, maybe sex feels like a chore.
I would actually take a total break from sex 2-4 week, no sex.
That should get ya both back in the mood.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Maybe, correct me if I'm wrong, but trying for a baby has made her feel pressured. Particularly when having sex. Maybe she just needs to regain some control because she feels like she has to have sex because you're trying for a baby, and whenever you initiate it she has to go along with it when maybe she doesn't feel completely up for it. Does that sound about right? Its through no fault of your own, she just needs to try harder to communicate with you. It would explain why she prefers to go on top now, because she feels more in control. I would suggest that, to try and regain the 'closeness' that she feels is lacking and become more connected, you do things that will make you feel more intimate but you should absolutely NOT initiate sex or foreplay for a while. I think the key here is for her to feel loved but for HER to be the one to start things up sexually next time. You can try massages and kissing and cuddling, tell her how pretty she looks today and things like that, so that she doesn't think you just don't find her attractive enough to try and have sex. Maybe it would help even further to give her a massage or cuddle while watching a movie and if she does try it on, you could even go as far as saying 'maybe we should give it a break for a bit honey, I just want to be with you like this for now, its nice don't you think?' (if you're cuddling etc). Then she will really feel the pressure is off. Does this help?
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