A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, ive been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now. Our relationship has been good up until a few months ago where it has seemed she has lost a lot of interest, she saids she still loves me but her actions sometimes show otherwise. She likes attention off other guys, i guess just for reassure she is beautiful, even though i tell her myself.Ive recently met another girl, we lately have been talking. She is quite attractive, and she finds me attractive also. She has invited me round her house just to get to know each other a bit better, as friends. Im in two minds of what to do. Should i go to my new friends house knowing its a potential place where unfaithfulness could unfold, or do i hang around in my relationship in what seems at the moment going nowhere, and try and revive it. Help would be appreciated, thanks :) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): I've been going out with my girlfriend for a little over a year, and she says she wants to get married to me.I recently noticed that one of my ex girlfriends is a friend of a friend on facebook. I have not had any contact with her in about 6 years. I was considering adding her as a friend, but I wanted to ask my girfriend about it first to make sure she was OK with it.I decided to do a search on FB of my girfriend's exes, and I discovered that she had recently added one of her exes ("Ex A") (a guy she'd been seeing for about 6 months about 2 years ago) as a friend without asking me about it. (I do not have access to her friends list, so I only discovered this by doing a search on her ex's name and seeing my gf listed as one of his friends)My girlfriend says she tries to remain friends with all her exes. We had discussed this several months ago, and she knows it bothers me somewhat. At the time, she had been emailing Ex A, and she'd agreed to stop, somewhat reluctantly. (she told me she is just friends with him, that I was insecure, that I was trying to be controlling, etc.) Ex A lives in a different city, and there's no way they could be seeing each other. There's also no way she could be talking to him frequently on the phone without my knowing about it.Her ex was not the love of her life, but she obviously liked him a lot. She had a lot of photos of the two of them on her FB page kissing and so on for about the first 4-5 months we were seeing each other (She had started to say she wanted to get married to me after we'd been going out about 4-5 months). I finally said something to her about the photos of her and her ex, and she deleted me as a friend from her FB page, and told me I was insecure, controlling, etc. When she reconnected me as a friend on FB, the photos of her and her ex appeared to be gone. But, a couple months later, I got to wondering about (I had a hunch) and I asked a mutual FB friend to see what photos he could see on her FB page. It turned out she had left the photos of her and her ex up, and blocked only me from seeing them. When I asked her about this, her explanation was that she had intended to go back and take the photos down altogether, but that she "forgot". She did eventully take the photos of her and her ex down, but she clearly resented it somewhat.When I asked her why she recently added him as a friend on FB, her response was that he's just a friend, and she wants to be friends with everyone. She said they have not talked on the phone or sent messages to each other since she added him as a friend on FB (I tend to believe her about this) At one point in the conversation she started crying and told me how much she wanted to get married to me, and said she would cry tears of joy. I hve no doubt she really does want to get married to me.Still, it really bothers me that she would add Ex A as a friend on FB without mentioning it to me, especially given that she knew it would bother me and we had discussed this issue concerning this ex before. I find myself wondering what is so important to her about maintaining contact with this guy? It seems to me that keeping a connection of some sort with this guy is almost more important to her than my feelings, our relationship, etc. I also feel like a shmuck for being concerned about her feelings and asking her about possibly adding my ex given that she went ahead and added her ex without asking me, knowing full well it would bother me.Am I overeacting to this? On the one hand, I've Should I just try to figure out a way to not care about anything? I find myself wishing that I had an extremely thick skin; that I could simply stop feeling anything.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): This is a rather long answer, but I assure you that it is worthwhile.I am in a similar situation. I have been with my girlfriend for almost four years. Due to work, we spent most of the past year apart (200 miles), but now we are living back together. However, there is a real feeling of distance, brought about by the forced year apart. She has admitted to me that she has been giving other men the eye, and flirting - but she has promised me that it didn't go any further. I am happy that she told me, but I feel it has added to the distance. We have come close to splitting up on a couple of occasions in the past few weeks, but we both still love each other, so the final step of leaving has not happened. There has recently been alleged interest in me from a girl I work with. My girlfriend was the one who pointed it out to me, she didn't realise however that this is the one girl other I have looked at in the past 4 years! I am now faced with a similar dilemna, and the follwing questions come to mind;1) Where is my current relationship going?2) Am I happy with where it is going?3) Would I be happy if I decided not to continue down the current path?4) Would I miss the stability of my current relationship?5) Would a relationship I entered into, on ending my current relationship, be successful, or would it be a fling?6) Am I happy with the answer to 5?7) Will I need time to adjust to life outside an established relationship?Basically, what you and I must both consider is whether we will be as happy outside of what we currently have. If we will be, then it is necessary to consider whether we would want a relationship with the other woman, or would we rather a fling?The question, at the end of the day is;"Is the grass greener on the other side?"
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (23 July 2007):
I dont think you should go to this friends place if you think you may cheat on your gf. If you do however want to do smething wth this frined then make sure you end things with your gf first. Althoguh her actions may be hurting you at the moment (loosing interest) you still have to be as respectful to her and your relationship as you can.
Talk to her about her actions. Give her clear exampls of her actions and tell her thye are hurting you. If you give her exampls then she cant deny it. Hopefully she will make a change in her actions then you can make a decision on if you think it is worth in staying or not.
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A
female
reader, ask paige  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 i think that if you did go to this womans house it would make things a lot worse then they already are i mean technically you wold be cheating even if as you say your relationship is not as good as it was before. but if you are intrested in this woman and that you would not like to be with your girlfriend right now i deffinatly think you should tell her and break it to her that you dont think you and her are working out then i would suggest you try and get to know this other woman better, but if you do want to be with your girlfriend, you should be focusing on trying to get your relationship back on track and forget about the other woman good luck the choice is yours !paige xx
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Trust your gut, and be in control of yourself and your life. If she's showing disinterest, then she is probably disinterested. If there's no commitment, ie. rings, talk of a future, talk of you and her being exclusive, then go out and have fun and date other women. If you have had those talks, then you're going to have to be a man and have those un-talks. Tell her you're not happy, and you think you both need a break. If she asks if a definition of a break means seeing other people, then be honest with her and say yes. Don't offer more information than you are asked for, I can reassure you she will not. If you want information about her dating other men, then ask her questions. Keep in mind you might not get but 50% of the truth. I would try to avoid having her keep you on a hook, as a backup, and toying with your emotions. Be a man, if you're ready to move on, tell her and then move on. You can reach me on my website too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Sounds like you're leaning towards the new girl so the only question is if you were to lose the old one today would you be happy and continue seeking the new girl. If yes, go for it. If no, you have to figure out if it's worth making your relationship work.
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