A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24, my husband is 25 and he has told me he does not want sex any more. We've been together 7 years now - married for a year and a half now.I asked him why and he insisted it was "strenuous".Nothing I've tried has managed to get his sex drive back: I've worn sexy lingerie, dressed up for him, even wore fetish gear (which he used to love) but had no response from him sexually.He just keeps on insisting that sex is too strenuous for him but says he loves me still, and said he wants help, but doesn't know where to go. I asked him if there were any worries or stress in his life, but he said no.I still love him - he's a lovely person to be with and is respectful towards everyone.What help should I get for him?? and how can I get him to stop insisting sex is strenuous and start enjoying himself again.all advice is appreciated, luv, Kristina
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I am not sure what you need to do in your situation. But do not let it go on. I have been married for 20 years. I am 40 and Hubby is 39. Sex has been an issue in our entire marriage. We have sex maybe (if I am lucky) 3 times a year!And then only because I start it. He has no sex drive. We even tried injectable testosterone from the Doctor and when I could actually get him to use it, it didn't help either. He says he does not know how to initiate sex. Like what is that? And if he ever tries (I think that is what he is doing) he rubs my back and it takes him forever (at least an hour)to make the first move. I refuse to initiate sex anymore. We started seeing a marriage counselor and she says well has he ever turned you down when you started it? Well no. BUT, it sure would be nice to know that my husband "wants" me. This has been a huge struggle and I swear I have tried everything! I even tried bringing another woman into our bed and he was not into it at all. I find that so weird. I thought that was every man's fantasy? There is so much anger in me now that I find I don't even want to have sex with him. Yes, I still want sex and dream about a man taking me and having long passionate kisses, I just don't want it from him now. It really is sad. I used to be a very physical touchy feely person and I feel like he killed it in me. I have had numerous affairs which I did tell him about. His response- I can't blame my wife for looking else where for sex. LIKE HELLO!!!!!!!!! I am a stay at home Mom and if money were not a factor I would be moving on, quickly. I feel trying my hardest for most of our 20 years together has done me in. I think about sex everyday and really would like to have that special closeness and a bond with him but we don't and I am extremely jealous when I hear women talk about their husbands wanting it all the time and they get tired of it. Sheesh, that would be just awesome in my eyes! Do something about it now, and if it truely is important to you, and you see things not changing you should move on. Do not wait like I did and then 20 years later you STIIL have the same issue and you are kicking yourself in the butt for not getting out years ago. I am so unhappy I cannot even begin to explain it. A happy woman does not think every dang day- I wonder what my life would have been like had I not married my husband or if I left long ago. Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): I have been married for only a month and my husband does not want to have sex with me.Im so lonely and feel so bad. I dont know how to handle the situation. Ive tried wearing sexy lingerie too.. but it doeasnt work. Its so disappointing, frustrating and hurtful
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): hmm; I am having sorta the same problem; I am 37, husband 36; we have sex occasionally - once every 6-8 weeks usually; He says he is tired because he works; well duh; I work too. He is now sleeping in a different room; we split all the bills - he pays his I pay mine. I think that something is bad wrong. Just not sure what it is. I wonder if there may be another woman outside the homefront; Not sure; Really tired of the situation here at my house though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Hunny
sex therapy counselling anything like this in your area? You dont mention weight problems on his side, and Im sure if that were just the case you wouldnt mind jumping on top, You sound very unhappy and when this happens in a relationship it makes you feel undesirable and this can cause a depression to take over.... Sweety you have tryed everything, now its time to sit down and talk to him properly dont let him just say its to strenuous thats really not a good enough answer to give you, you love him so much you need to be talked to about all that may be going on, I no you have tryed but he has to understand your pain and if you were not overly concerned you really wouldnt be writing in asking for help, he needs to no how this is affecting your life. He needs help and he really as your husband should know this and should be trying to make things better for the both of you as you are love, so sit him down and tell it straight if he has a problem your there to help not to nag you want this to work and be the loving couple you once were you will do anything to make things better team work hunny he has to no.... YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU LOVE AND PEACE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): It's not a health-related issue that's making him insist that sex is too strenuous.I've tried asking him what it is, but he won't say.What kind of help/therapy should I get so I can help him with this problem??
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 I'm assuming there are some weight issues? If there are, I suggest both of you should hit the gym every other day for a 30 minute aerobic workout. Nutrition plays the primary role in how we feel. Diet and exercise are essential to being healthy. If he's excessively overweight, it could take some time to get the metabolism kicking in. About the time he can go in the gym for 30 minutes, he should be ready to have a go at you between the sheets. If it's not lack of exercise that's the issue, I would have him see a doctor to be sure it's not a different health issue. If there are no health issues, I would try marriage counseling or sex therapy. You can contact me through my website.
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