A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the begining i tried to understand her habits but now is really starting to annoy me....i just find polite to aknowledge the other person you got the message, whats wrong in sending back an "ok, talk to you later" or "good day to you too"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your comments, i will keep them in mind. i think its time to start looking for counselling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): You are going to ruin this relationship if you keep thinking and talking like that. Do not project your past relationship problems on your current relationship and at this rate, your future relationships. It's not fair to this girl who has done nothing to deserve it. She is not responsible for what happened to you and she should not have to pay the price for it. Get a grip. If this relationship fails it will be of your own doing.You need to busy yourself with other things when you are apart. You need to understand that you are not going to get all this constant reassurance from her that you are looking for because she is secure in the relationship and wants to be with you, so she is not seeing why you need this so much. Even after what so many people have told you, you still do not understand that you are going way over board and you still think she should respond to everything and immediately....I suggest you seek counseling for your issues if you want to keep a thriving relationship.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 Your needing constant reassurance is going to be the death of this LDR.
LDRS are hard.
THEY become harder when you add
Extra distance
Schooling
Age gaps
Insecurity
You have her on a pedestal. You need to realize she’s NOT magic. She is NOT awesome and she is not BETTER than you. She’s not with you out of pity. She genuinely likes YOU. BUT your lack of self-esteem and your insecurity (where your jealousy comes from) will KILL your relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, she is 22, im 33 and i've had only 3 serious relationships in my life that lasted for many years each one. the last two went horribly wrong, i got cheatted on in a very bad way and got scarred because of it. that's the reason of my insecurities. i've been thinking lately about the odds we could be together, about all the bumps along the road we will face. we are from different cultures, that's right, but with very similar personalities. i have a good job and i was ok with my life before her, she has showed me how much she cares about many in many ways, she is serious about me, i know her family and friends, i even had christmas gifts from them. I had an argument - because of me being jealous- a few weeks ago while i was visiting her and told her we probably should take a break. she doesnt want to break up. the problem is i need constant reassurance because of what happened to me and im not sure if she or any girl can give me what i need. she is an awesome girl and i dont want to lose her, but at the same time i think of breaking up with her because i would not stand to be hurt again, and im terrified about that. i've have invested so much time and feelings to let everything go to waste and worst of all, i have nobody to talk about how i feel, my friends dont help that much, one is supportive, the other one is not and im very confused, the honeymoon period is over for me now and i can see things more clear, the problem is i already truly love her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): Personally I get annoyed when people expect me to drop whatever I'm doing to reply to their message NOW, if it's just a casual or social type of message (i.e. not an emergency or something that truly requires a prompt response).
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2013):
 What do your friends think about this? Are they in contact with her? They may have some valuable input as to her situation, as well, as they introduced you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2013):
So she is 19-24, a student and living in a different country? You are in your early to mid 30s and insecure in yourself? Hm. And you saw each other 6 times total in the last year.
You have a lot of things going against this relationship.
One is the age gap and all that implies. She's of a certain generation and you are of another and expect different things at different times.
Second is that you aren't from the same country, which suggests that you are not in the same culture and again, different expectations are to be considered.
I'm feeling a certain amount of desperation in your posts here. You sound insecure and that you are trying desperately to hang on to her and to keep her interest.
She's in school and meeting lots of different people, including men, who are her age and presumably are from her country and have shared histories and cultural expectations.
I would expect a man in his 30s to be pretty settled and secure in his career and in himself. Have you had girlfriends in the past, or is she the first? I ask because there are love scammers out there who specialize in extracting cash from men....
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh, and yes, im a little insecure, she is way more attractive than i am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Tisha -1: we met thru friends about two years ago, she was in my country taking a year off school, we started dating for a couple of months before she had to return to her home country for school, but we decided to stay together.so far we have been together for almost one year, i have travelled to see her and she has too. we are looking forward to move together when she finishes school 2 years from now. we are in different time zones, but i always text whike is day time for her, she is 11 years younger than me and so far i have travelled to see her at her town 4 times last year, she did once and she is coming next month to see me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2013):
Oh, and just to add another point. I have a close family member who lives in a town with really really bad coverage for her phone's data plan. She can't text me unless she is in a Wifi zone, which is perhaps only 2 hours per day when we are both able to text one another.
I don't get upset or angry with her for this situation. We are able to phone or Skype as well, at the times that work for both of us.
If someone texts me, I don't drop everything, including my steering wheel if I am driving nor do I ignore the people I am with, just to respond to a text that isn't urgent.
Are you insecure in the relationship?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2013):
Okay, so you see her every 6 weeks or so? And how did you meet her? Did you move away or has this always been an LDR?
If you two were a committed couple for a year or longer and then one had to move due to a career relocation, that would be one situation.
If you two met on the internet and then have only met a handful of times, that's another.
Sorry to those who disagree but in the latter case, you don't really know her and you are building on a weak foundation. Unless you know for certain that you two have a future together, living in the same place, within 18 months, then I would assume that she isn't as into you as you would like.
Of course, if you two are deeply committed and have plans to live in the same town shortly, then perhaps it's a simple case of she doesn't like texting. Or she just needs a break from the calls and Skype calls.
Are you at least in the same time zone and on the same schedule?
How long have you known her, how old is she and how many times have you two been together in the same town?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, we are Ldr, we talk almost everyday on the phone or skype, we see each other almost every month. i just dont see why if i text to wish her a nice day, i love you she does not reply.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): Some people are like that for whatever reason and your girlfriend probably thinks nothing of it. But if it really bothers you then you need to talk to her about it because it is obviously something that is not going to change on its own and if you don't bring up with her you could end up just harbouring them negative feelings towards her.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2013):
my hubby hates to text. he sent me a text today to tell me to put something on our grocery list. I am NOT replying to him to say OK
I just will add it to the list. I see no need to acknowledge a text like that.
some people just do not like to text or email or talk on the phone...
are you LDR?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2013):
Do you spend a lot of time together in real life?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 January 2013):
 While the four responses before this one seemed to give similar explanations for this behaviour.... I believe that there is, yet, another (explanation)....
People who are cronically late.... or upsetting of time and schedules.... are cited as subconsciously having a need to CONTROL the situation with others....
Does she behave similarly with regard to dates and obligations that you and she make?... not only between the two of you.... but to outside committments?
You may point out the problem that YOU have with her recalcitrence... but don't be surprised if - to her - that ("problem") is your's, alone.... and is nothing more than you whining about a "non-issue".... since you're REALLY saying to her, "I'd like you to be more considerate of my need to be prompt and on-time..."
Good luck....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 What's wrong is that you are imposing on their time and schedule and expecting they drop everything they are doing or breaking they are concentration to say " hi " or " talk you later " . Sure, it is polite to aknowledge personal communications.. within a reasonable time frame, as your gf is doing. Demanding an immediate feedback for the most mundane things is,instead, a bit impolite, like pulling somebody by their sleeve. An informal communication like a text is not a royal summons from Buckingham Palace, and it is not impolite to wait for the right moment to answer ( like : off work hours, not when you are having a conversation with other friends ,not during family meals or entertaining guests, etc. ) unless it is really urgent, or time sensitive , like, it's 5 P.M. and you need to know if you are still on for 7 P.M.
Kudoos to your gf for not having being swept away by the texting fever , that perhaps is best suitable to teenagers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): If it's a time sensitive text or message and she doesn't respond on time, that's one thing...and just rude, you can always call her to get the answer, but it's still rude not to respond.
If it's just small talk and you are annoyed that she isn't responding immediately, you are seriously coming across as one assuming, needy, attention seeking guy...chill out.
If this is really starting to annoy you as you say, I would hate to see what happens when something really important doesn't go your way.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Some people are big on texting and messaging, replying the second one come's through. Not everyone is the same with responding to messages, i don't think its anything to do with you, its maybe just the way she is. I feel if you broach the subject you may come across a being abit needy and it might push her away. I think you are just going to have to accept the fact that she is not big on texting and accept that if you want the relationship to progress.
Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): I'm kind of like that too. I think text messaging is great for some things, but I'm doing stuff sometimes or I get distracted, or even think I did respond in my busy day, but sometimes I just feel like I don't need to respond to every single thing I get. This electronic communication is way over used and people do not know how to talk to each other anymore....don't be so dependent on it and don't make assumptions why she isn't responding in the time frame YOU would prefer....ask her about it...but honestly if my boyfriend try to talk to me about this, I would not put much weight into it, not to be disrespectful, but more because what is annoying to ME is the assumption that I'm just sitting on every text and message I receive...I'm not. If someone tells me they will see me later, okay, great. The end. Back to my sales report.... If someone texts me they saw a mutual friend of ours who blah, blah, blah as I am walking into my training session with barely a minute to spare at the gym....no I'm not stopping the world because this information was presented to me.
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female
reader, Dayzy +, writes (16 January 2013):
You need to discuss how you feel with your girlfriend and see if you can come to an agreement that suits both of you. She might be playing games (treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen), or she may feel that you are texting to often. You'll never know until you ask her.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Some people simply dont find the need to reply all the time! I hate messaging people, so I rarely text back unless I really have to (I'm 25 by the way). If someone asks me a question that I know I need to respond to,I will get round to replying within a few hours (very rarely immediately though). If someone sends a text that doesnt contain a question, there is very little chance I'll reply simply because I cant be bothered. I prefer talking over the phone or face to face, messaging and texting is just annoying.
This used to drive my boyfriend mad when we first met, he used to hate waiting hours for me to reply but that is simply the way I am and he got used to it. Now we live together its not such a big deal, but it did used to really bother him!
If you are getting that upset by it, then talk to her. Explain that you dont need her to text you all the time, but you would really appreciate it if she could try and respond a little quicker to your messages.
But if you are sending pointless texts or messages that dont require a response, but you still want her to say 'ok' - that is never going to happen, some people just dont like texting and messaging so you should only expect her to respond if your message requires a response.
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