A
male
age
30-35,
*ighearted24
writes:So I found out my girlfriend had made a online dating profile and when I confronted her she lied straight to my face about it and after a little while she finally admitted she made it. When I asked her why she made it she told me she was bored and was only on it for half hour. Ever since then I've been racking my brain thinking theres more then what she's telling. I told her you don't have to hide things from me come talk to me and we can figure out how to fix it. Now she tries to flip stuff on me like I'm cheating tAlking to other girls and she knows all my password I have nothing to hide. Idk what to do I don't want to lose my family there's a baby involved but should I keep going for the baby's sake or should I just move on? Feel like I pushed her away to the point. Of no return
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2017): I think she may well have done this truly out of boredom. I have talked to a few friends in happy relationships who were literally just curious as to how these sites were (as all their other friends were using them). If she didn't message anyone on there, and just had a look at what the site is about I would try not to overreact.
Keep an eye on her activities, if anything worse comes up definitely cause for concern, but her explanation isn't unreasonable.
You could sit down and have a discussion as to why boredom is creeping in, and does it have to do with your relationship at all? IF she is fantasizing about having a more exciting life?
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (1 December 2016):
 Boredom I do understand, accusing you of cheating is a reflex to change the subject/focus when she can check on whom you talk with, but her lying when you asked her why, says to me she’s hiding something.
Hiding the embarrassment of being caught, hiding her true feelings, hiding needs of excitement and or attention in her life… too feel special, too have someone take an interest in her, someone who makes her feel more than just a lump sitting at home looking after baby. She could also be feeling confused and lonely in her life or majorly pissed off with you talking to other girls?
Whatever her reason there is a baby involved (I assume it’s your child) therefore both of you need to step up to your responsibilities and stop chatting in the fake website world and start communication with each other!
However IF you have been talking to other girls on the Internet or wherever, I then agree; yes you did push her away to the point of her making an online dating profile.
CAA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 How did you find out? Where you snooping?
The thing is you both need to try and fix this, if you are faithful then that is great but this relationship seems to have broken down. Is there still romance there? Passion? Or could it be that you have both got stuck in a rut. Maybe she is feeling bad about herself after having a baby. Talk to her and try and figure out what is going on, as it sounds like she might be feeling lonely at the moment with a little baby. Before ending things try and add that spark back and see how you get on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2016): Sounds to me that she put up a fake online dating profile because she suspected you were getting bored and out there chasing the honey!
As wise owl says you were actually on the dating website too and this is obviously a case of the player getting nearly caught playing.
Hence your magnanimous guesture that you could get it fixed, just like taking the car to the garage for a new clutch.
But we're talking people not cars and people have messy things to consider like feelings and the power to make decisions!
I notice that players like to play.They tend to consider that discretion is the better part of valour and often complain about being caught out, tending to blame their partner for snooping or being suspicious or having a friend who has chatted to your online persona on a hookup site.
So what can you do?
You can become a committed father and you can bend your partners ear about how you both need each other.
Then technically you get her pregnant again so that she is more closely bound to you.
But after that its up to you. You have to decide if you value your partner enough to be exclusively involved in her and the kids.
If your duck wilts at the very thought then you know you are not cut out to be a family man but you have other skills such as competent pleasuring of women to offer the world and legs that pick up to a sprint as they leave the bedroom, both attributes requiring a lot of practised skill.
Point out to your wife how much more you have to offer and you might be in with a chance because there was a time when you were her knight in shining armour!
Arrange to date her online as well and book next years holiday, paying for it in instalments as a sign of renewed committment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2016): How did you find out you she had a dating profile, and what prompted you to search?
On what evidence did your girlfriend base her accusation you were speaking to, or allegedly cheating with other women? You had the profile as evidence to throw in her face. I find it difficult to understand why she would make a completely false-accusation towards you; when you had indisputable evidence against her? Without her available to tell her side, I wonder what issue she has with her baby's daddy?
Oh, I by no means condone cheating. I think it was a rather bold move to start-up a dating profile; if you have no intention of meeting the people who respond to that profile. Why is she searching for another man, when she already has one?
I suspect she doesn't expects you to ever step-up to the plate. I think she wants a stable environment for the child and possibly a husband. I think she wants to establish a family with married-parents. If your only reason for being there is your child; perhaps she is taking a stand in her best interest, and in the best interest of the child.
If she wrote a post. I wonder what she'd tell us?
If you feel she is not to be trusted; establish your legal paternal-rights, arrange for your financial-support of your child, and move on. Maybe she doesn't want to be your perpetual-girlfriend and legally-unattached baby-mama!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 Do you see your girlfriend as your lover and your friend, or just as the mother of your baby? Why is she bored? Is she stuck at home all day looking after the baby? None of this would be an excuse, but it would start to explain her behaviour.
You two need to sit down (preferably get someone to look after the baby for a couple of hours while you go out on a date) and discuss what is going wrong with your relationship, because something obviously is. Ask her what changes she needs to stop her being bored. Do you give her time off from the baby so she can go out and see friends or just have a nice leisurely bath, for instance?
Assuming your baby is quite young, your girlfriend may be suffering from post natal depression or could simply be trying to "find herself" because she can only identify herself as the mother of her baby at the moment. Make her feel special. Take her out on dates. Tell her she looks beautiful. Help her have some time for herself occasionally.
A baby can put tremendous pressure on the strongest of relationships. Sadly, many couples concentrate so much on the newcomer that they neglect to nurture their relationship. Fix your relationship and neither of you will need to worry about the other cheating.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 You didn't push her to the point of no return; she did it to herself. If anything, you've been too good with her and you sound like a nice person who's willing to put the child first. That's a good guy.
Right now, you need to sit and talk about your future together and do whatever is in the best interest of the baby. Sometimes women go through phases of depression after the birth of a baby and if untreated, it can continue for long. My sister-in-law had to leave her job to take care of her baby and even though the child is almost 1 now, she's still very angry most of the time, cranky, frustrated with her life and her husband and gets irritated very easily. Different people deal with the situation in different ways and maybe, just maybe (and in no way do I intend to play the Devil's advocate) your girlfriend's behavior is a reaction to her new life which she's unable to handle.
Now you need to figure out where to take it from here. You will still be involved in the baby's life even if you're not with the mother. One thing is for sure however, this scenario, as it is right now, cannot go on. She cannot do as she likes then lie and then try to turn the tables on you. If she's made a mistake then she should own up and accept it and never repeat it again.
It makes me wonder what kind of a mother she would make.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2016):
 I think you should sit her down and tell her, that this has actually affected how you feel about the relationship.
Should you stay for the kid? What good would that do? For you OR the child? If you are miserable and SHE is BORED with the relationship that isn't exactly a great example for your child to grow up with.
I think her accusing you, was a knee-jerk reaction to being caught. It made it "EASIER" for her to admit doing because she claims YOU do the same. But here is the thing. TWO WRONGS never make a right.
YOU need to figure out if this relationship is salvageable or not. SHE needs to do the same.
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