A
male
age
36-40,
*alfwater
writes:hello i am 25 and been with my girlfriend for 3 years, i love her so much but on august 17th her mother passed away, her father died when she was young so now she only has me, she was telling me how much she loved me and never wants me to leave her after the death of her mother, 2 weeks later she says she wants to end it with me, says she carnt see a future with us and she dont love me like she used you and wants it over, i was heart broken i love her more than anything in this world, we had a fight and i left.a week later i went over to collect my stuff and try and sort things but she says she still feels the same and for her to get over her mother she needs a new start without me, i dont understand as i know she loves me and i love her, then last night i went over to try adn sort things again and she just got angry saying she wants me to hate her and dont love me anymore, she says with everything thats happened in her life us ending has not effected her one bit, how can she be so cold? I dont know with everything thats happend if her head is messed up and she is not thinking straight, if i keep goin on i will lose her forever and now i aint got her i am so upset i feel totaly heart broken i love her so much, if i love her should i just let her go or fight for it? but the more i try i feel the more im pushing her away! please could i have some advice thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 In times of pain, it is necessary for the mind to retreat from the world. It needs something to blame, something to hate. They turn against the world around them. Being cold may bring her some peace of mind because she may view life as being cold. Just let her know that you're still going to be there for her and eventually, when she is ready, she will realize that giving up on the world and starting something new might not be what she wants. She will realize that she misses the love she is familiar with and she will come back to you. If/when she does, show her that you still care about her. It might be soon, it might take months or even years but eventually, the pain will fade away and she will be ready to have you in her life again.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 It hurts so very much to see the one you love in pain and to have them push you away. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. My ex husband lost his father unexpectedly (they were best friends)...my husband basically had a nervous breakdown and turned into someone that I didn't even know anymore. It was sort of like a "dr jeckell/mr. hyde" thing. I tried everything I could to help him, tried to get him to go to a counselor, a therapist...a doctor..anyone..but he refused to go, saying he could work it out. He pushed all of his family away, and retreated in his own little world. Sadly, he never did recover and be the person he once was. Eventually, it lead to our divorce, because I couldn't handle the person he had become (alcoholic). You would think that when in great pain, people would reach out to the ones that they love, right? But some people don't do that.Everyone grieves in their own way. All you can do at this point is to back off and give her space. Let her know that if she needs you, you are there. You are right, the more you push, the more she will distance herself. Hopefully in time, she'll come around. I know this isn't what will really make you feel better, I just want to let you know that you aren't the only person who has been "pushed away". I hope things will work out for the two of you. Stay strong and just keep tabs on her from a distance for awhile. It is really all you can do.
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