A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!!!Please some one help me.I'm engaged to my girlfriend of 3 years. She's soo jealous it's not even funny. We have had our issues in the past mainly because she's goes crazy when I look at girls. Or a movie with a sex scene in it...not a porno but something like eyes wide shut.She went through my phone 3 weeks ago and found I searched my favourite racing car divers girlfriend in google images. She is saying she wants to kill herself, she's always bawling her eyes out she went to the hair dresser and cut her hair short from around chest height !!!! She's even sending me photos of this girl I searched remember its not someone I know it's a famous singer.... In all honestly I knew it would upset her but didnt think to delete my history on my phone. Am I wrong or is she wrong. I'm so confused what do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 She's not stable enough right now.
IF you love her it's going to be hard to postpone the wedding if a date is already set but I'd consider not getting married at this point.
Jealousy is rooted in insecurity. She is very insecure in your relationship... if there is a history with you guys that causes this, it's understandable, but if it's just the junk she brings from her past to the relationship, she has to work to fix it.
and you will have to explain this to her. that SHE is killing the relationship.
I would strongly suggest couples counseling... sometimes it's easier to communicate with your partner with a therapist in the room to help facilitate communication...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): That would be a breeze for me. When you've had experiences like I have looking at a picture of someone is nothing. I don't see the problem if it's not porn. My ex was viewing porn fullscreen on a 40 inch hd screen, sometimes he did when I was getting ready to see him at the pub where we met. He didn't seem to feel guilty. I still don't understand why to this day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): Save yourself future heartache and don't marry her, she's indeed crazy, she needs to seek therapy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): You know what? I had it pretty much together and did not have self-esteem issues "at all" until I noticed my boyfriend was ogling other women in my presence. I mean looking them up and down with that elevator look, looking at high school girl's booty when they walked by, trying to get another woman's attention in some manner (like an ego boost for him), drawing attention to himself so he gets noticed by them, telling me how pretty other women are, fixated on a woman at work that is getting a divorce (I hear all about her). I was starting to react and get jealous, but then I realized I am "not" the one with the problem, he is . What kind of man would do that to someone they are suppose to love? So ask yourself if any of what I have wrote pertains to you. I don't mean to be hard nosed, but think back how you have looked at other women. Obviously, she has noticed and is reacting to that. Those behaviors can crush a girl.What your girlfriend is doing now is trying to get your attention. She is "acting out."If you really love this girl and can see spending your life with her, I strongly recommend she gets counselling for her self-esteem issues and that the both of you get couples counselling.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 She's not right in the head. Do not get married to her until she sorts herself out, which will probably be never I'm afraid.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Woah! She sounds all kinds of crazy!!!
You need to tell her that you would never cheat on her, but you can't go out wearing a blindfold incase you accidently look at another girl!!
She needs a reality check, she is being really unreasonable and childish!! Why don't you play her at her own game? Be unreasonable with her, make demands that she doesn't wear make up or only wears certain clothes.
See how you get on. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Erm... Here's what you do... You DO NOT marry this one. She's a loon!
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I think you would be wrong to marry her. This is obviously causing you a lot of grief and marriage isn't going to change that! There is nothing wrong with appreciating how other people look and it especially isn't your fault if a movie happens to have some graphic scenes in it. I'll bet even she has taken a look at some person or another. And it was definitely wrong of her to search through your phone. She doesn't trust you or she wouldn't be snooping, and now you can't trust her to treat your privacy with respect, so you definitely shouldn't tie the knot with her. If her behaviour hasn't made you feel like running away yet, you will in the future. If you haven't sat her down and talked to her about her behaviour yet, you should. Maybe seek help from a psychiatrist, couple's counsellor and her family and friends to see how you can go about this the best way possible as she might be serious about self harm.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
You could start by postponing the wedding indefinitely! Don't marry someone like this or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
You did absolutely nothing wrong by sane standards, unfortunately for you, you're with someone who is less than sane.
She needs psychiatric help and possibly some meds.
I want to reiterate that you shouldn't marry her until things have changed. LOVE means nothing if you don't have compatibility and sanity to go with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): You're not doing any thing wrong. She has serious psychiatric issues and needs medication to regulate her thoughts and stop her emotions spiralling out of control. Seriously. She cannot function in any relationship as long as she is like this. She is making herself suffer too.
I would suggest you ask her to get therapy or counseling. If she refuses and blames you for her psychotic behavior then you must break up with her that is the only way.
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