A
female
age
41-50,
*oner35
writes:My man went to prison.I have been with him for ten years. I fell short I made the worst mistake ever an cheated on him. I was goin through alot of things when he was locked up along with a drug addiction. When he finally got out he came seen me an we stayed with each about one month. He said I had caused him too much pain. He then started living with another woman. After about six months he left her an we got back together. Most of time its good but recently he been staying out all night and has started sleeping on the couch. He will get me in front of people and start screaming our personal business. He says I don't have any rights to ask him anything cause I tore his heart out. Somebody please help me cause I love him so much! I don't know what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): OP I honestly think this relationship sounds over and has been ever since he got out. It sounds like he's only with you for convenience and is starting to punish you for cheating.
OP I like kc_100's advice it's very good and I'd like to think you'd follow it but I don't think you will.
She's right, you need to tell him enough is enough and either he forgives you or he doesn't. OP it's been a long time since you cheated, I can understand that trust can take a long time to rebuild after such a thing but forgiveness is something that can be done from day one. You cheated, you feel like shit for that but you do not deserve to be punished in this way and it's not right for him to do that.
OP you need to tell him you understand it may take time for him to get over it and for you to win his trust back, but if he can't forgive you for it now and stop punishing you for it then nothing is going to get better. OP you have every right to talk and every right not to be treated like crap. If he feels you're so worthless as to treat you this way then why is he with you?
OP your biggest mistake here is no the cheating, it's allowing him to punish you like this, maybe you think you deserve this a little but you don't.
If he wants to act single then why is he with you?
Most of all though OP, you need to stand up for yourself, no matter how much you love someone or how badly you hurt them you can never allow someone to disrespect you publicly like that, to be verbally abusive in front of people and publicly shame you. You cannot allow yourself to be treated this way, you put ten years into this and don't deserve to be treated like this based on your mistakes, he's made plenty himself and if he wants to define this relationship by how shit a person you are then it's time to move on.
Oh and if you haven't already get help for the drug addiction. I love drugs in the right time and place but I've never once been addicted to any of them, if I ever did I would never take that drug again, not even socially, so keep away.
OP you need to consider a life out of this relationship, a permanent one and I don't mean thinking about how painful the break up may be, I mean in a practical sense. If he's not someone you think you can let go then he can treat you whatever way he chooses and you have absolutely no power in this relationship.
I love my fiancée with all my heart but I do know I'd be fine without her too if we were to ever break up. She feels the same and it makes things very balanced. Neither of us would et go of each other without a fight but we both have our points where we will walk away for good. Choose where your point is OP and be prepared for the possibility that this may have to end for good, because if he can't forgive you and start working towards resolving this then that has to be an option.
A
female
reader, loner35 +, writes (14 February 2013):
loner35 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advise it means alot. He was just everything to me really an truely IV caught him up in several situations before. he went. I know. that's still no excuse
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A
female
reader, loner35 +, writes (14 February 2013):
loner35 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love him so much an know what I done was so wrong but before he even went to prison I have caught him up in several things. I know that's. no excuse he also had a friend staying with us now an for some reason. its got worse he has not slept in bed with me. for about. a week now. Thanks for the advise. it means. alot
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 I think you need to sit down with him and tell him that he cannot keep punishing you for your mistake - tell him you know what you did was wrong, you know how much you hurt him and you deeply regret it, but he has to make a choice: either forgive you and move on, or if he is going to keep holding it against you then the relationship is over.
I know you love him and wont want to leave, but he clearly has not forgiven you for what you did and is treating you like crap - he is deliberately trying to hurt you to punish you for your mistake. But he decided to get back with you, and by making that choice he has to forgive you, or if he cant forgive then you have to go your seperate ways.
Neither of you are happy at the moment, you are hurting because he is treating you like crap, he is still hurting over what happened in the past, and it is making you both miserable. You cannot carry on like this, this is only going to get worse if you allow it to continue.
So it is make or break time - he either forgives you and you start from scratch, a fresh start; or he cannot forgive you and you have to break up again.
Yes cheating is wrong, and you shouldnt have done it, but you know that and in your circumstances it isnt a huge surprise that it happened. However he agreed to take you back, so he should at that point have decided to leave it in the past and move on. He clearly hasnt been able to do that, so is punishing you instead. You need one last talk and if he cant forgive you then you have to let him go, when you cheated you knew you were risking your relationship and if he cant get over it then you can never be happy together ever again, so its over.
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female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 He doesn't seem like he'll forgive you even though you regret your decision. He likes to hold your mistake over your head. I think he will continue to do so and I can't see that the relationship will get better if he can't let go of your mistake. The only thing to do in that case will be to let him go.
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