A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I've been dating for a few months, I'm bothered that I have sex with the same girl my cousin had. I know everyone has a past but he's my family member, it's weird!She told me she had sex with him years ago in college. My cousin lied to me because when I met her he told me she was just a friend.My girlfriend said was only casual, a one night stand and they never dated! I love her but I can't be with her anymore, it's awkward! What you think I should do? Try? End the relationship?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 I can appreciate where you're coming from. It was years ago, but it wasn't a relationship. They had a one night stand so for you to bring into the family one of your cousin's old hook ups is a bit...I don't know...yucky.
I'm not sure what your long term plans are/were, but I don't think I would want the future father of my children, my family's brother/son in law to be a former play thing of one of my relatives.
If it's not something you can live with then, as the others have pointed out, you've answered your own question.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 October 2016):
 If you can't get over it then you have to break up with her. It's nobody's fault, just a matter of a bad coincidence. Don't stay with her if this is something that'll always be hanging over your head because then you'll be making both your lives a living hell. You've said you can't be with her... That's your answer. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (22 October 2016):
 There is a saying that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.
The past has happened; it is over and beyond anyone's power to alter. Your girlfriend can't change it and neither can your cousin, although it sounds as though both of them now wish it had never occurred.
So how you react to this - and that will define the direction you should take - is up to you. It's definitely a tricky situation, but I do know people who have successfully gotten past this sort of thing. A friend of mine met her now-husband while he was dating (and presumably sleeping with) her older sister. They have been happily married for years and are expecting their first baby soon. Clearly the connection they found with each other was (to them) well worth the awkward start.
That said, you are in a fairly new relationship and maybe you don't have too much emotional investment in it yet. If your girlfriend isn't much more to you than sparks-flying sex at this point, letting go and never looking back makes all the sense in the world, because you can easily find someone else to sleep with. But if you value her personality and the emotional side of your relationship as much as you do the physical, well, that's something she never shared in a one-night stand with your cousin. And it's something that may not be as easy as good sex to find again in someone else.
Think about it, but don't think too long. If you KNOW now that you will never be able accept this part of your girlfriend's past, it is kinder to let her go immediately than to string her along. Otherwise she will start to hope that you have accepted the past and will be that much more hurt and upset when you decide to end things after all.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (21 October 2016):
If you really feel that you can’t be with her anymore, you’ve answered your own question. IT’s a pity: it was before you met and she’s done nothing wrong. Your cousin didn’t lie but chose not to tell you something that, it seems, was dead and buried in the past. If you think that you won’t be able to reconcile yourself to it, it is better that you call it quits. If you become consumed by it you’ll make the both of you miserable.
I wish you all the very best.
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