A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a very frustrated husband. I may be the big reason for all of my problems because I am married and have a girlfriend that my wife does not know that I am still seeing. I met my girlfriend while driving over the road as a truck driver and she had been my girlfriend for nearly 5 years and does not live in the same state as my wife and I. I have been married for 8 years and been with my wife nearly a total of 15 years. We have 2 children together and I brought my 4 children here from Jamaica several years ago. Only 3 of those 4 children are living with us now. I was an owner operator of my own truck and 10 months ago was truck was repo and I lost my job with the company I was contracted with. I have not been able to find a job. I have had truck driving jobs that do not ever seem to work out after a month of so because the promises and pay that is promised is never delivered and I have a family to provide for. When I was working and things were going well my income was in the 6 digits. I bought a new house for my wife and family and furnished it and maintained the up keep. i paid all the bills and took good care of my family.Several months before I lost my truck and job I started having financial problems and could not make my house note and my house went into foreclosure...I am working with mortgage company now to save my home.In 2005, my wife without talking to me went out and purchased a mini van. Because her credit was poor her mother had to sign for the van and the payments were extremely high. She works and was responsible for paying for her van and insurance and that consumed most of her pay check so there was no money for her to help pay any bills. Last June 2010 her van was paid off and several months before it was paid off she told me that she was going to help me pay these bills around here. In September we sat down as a family since I have a daughter who is in early twenties and works and discussed the financial situation around here and my daughter then took responsibility of the electrical bill and my wife took the responsibility of the water bill. My daughter has kept up her end of the agreement but my wife text me one day and told me that she was not going to pay the water bill because it was too high. The water bill comes every 3 months and when it came just before Christmas it was almost $500 dollars. She told me that I need to get my house in order and that she was not going to pay a high bill like that.I am frustrated because I feel my should be helping me and our family till I get back on my feet. My girlfriend and I talk nearly every day and I have seen her maybe 4 times in the last 10 months. She is very supportive of me and on a couple of occasions she has wired me money when I did not even have money to put gas in my car. Do I have any reason to feel upset that I can not get help from my wife during these crucial times?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Why are you more concerned about finances than doing the right things? I may seem back to front but when you do the right things you have peace and a happy fulfilled wife who will do anything for you. I am afraid you have lost the opportunity of living such a life and that you will have to face up to the responsbilities of what you have done.
Maybe you should watch Dr Phil, I don't mean to be rude but he is committed to finding solutions to people. And has a good moral compass.
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I am really unsure what more you expect from your wife to be truthful. At least she has been loyal to you, been there as a wife, and a mother.Your mistress is being more supportive because she isnt the one in the thick of it all finanically... she isnt the one who has to try and juggle the bills around and ensure that everything is taken care of. If she was in your wifes shoes, I bet she wouldnt be quite so understanding and supportive by loaning you money.Wait till your wife finds out about the mistress... you won't get any support what-so-ever then, and rightly so!
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Wow, what a story. Why are you doing this to these two women? I think your wife knows about your girlfriend and this is why she's not helping, i.e. paying the water bill. "In 2005, my wife without talking to me went out and purchased a mini van." I'm thinking the communication in your marriage is poor to non-existent and the time has come for you to get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (28 February 2011):
 This is a very confusing post, as there are two separate issues. I am not sure how, or if, one affects the other. If you leave the GF totally out of the equation, then yes, your wife should be chipping in during your time of financial struggle.
Now that the van is paid off, you might ask her how she is spending the money she makes. You might ask her why she feels entitled to keep what she makes, but that might open up a can of worms. Perhaps your wife suspects you are still seeing your girlfriend.
As far as the GF goes, I'm not sure why she is giving you her money in an effort to keep your family solvent. However, in doing so you do become indebted to her. Unless she is a completely selfless being, I'm thinking she has expectations of your relationship. You have caused a problem for yourself by accepting money from her.
It sounds like everything was fine in your world when you were able to support everything. Now, you can't and your two worlds might collide. You may have to choose between wife and GF. If not, the choice may be made for you.
My advice is to sit down with your wife and be as open and honest as you can be. I'd also stop seeing the GF, if you want to keep your marriage in tact and you want your wife to be an equal partner in it - this includes a financial partner. However, breaking up with the GF will be difficult under the circumstances. And, yes, they are circumstances you created. Affairs do have a price.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You are upset that your wife doesn't help pay the bills YET you care nothing that you are cheating.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, MartinaA  +, writes (28 February 2011):
Are you kidding me!
Just the the title of your question in pathetic!
- anything that comes your way you deserve!
I don't see how you can sit there and write all that and think it's normal!
You have no right to expect anything from your wife!
No right what so ever!
You have a girlfriend and a wife what more can I say!
KARMA IS A BITCH
The sad part is it didnt hit you hard enough!
I feel so sorry for your family!
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