A
male
age
51-59,
*onytol
writes:I dont understand my girlfriend , she is bipolar and christian she lives 2 streets away from me in a cold dark flat , she doesnt wash up and wont sleep with me in my nice detached house. I have just come back from a trip with her to her country she says she doesnt love her parents and we went to one of her ex boyfriends weddings where she got drunk and made me feel a fool. So why am i still wanting her? i cant get over her , i wasnt looking for anyrelationship , i have been single since a breaksown after my only girlfriend ever about 15 years ago. She is 32 i am just 45 , she still corresponds with her ex boyfriends and her previous one owns a farm a couple of miles from me , she says she doesnt love him or have any relationship for ages but needs to go to his farm sometimes to get away from everything , how can i resolve this , i wish she would either stop going to the farm and making a fool of me etc or dump me as i cant dump her - please help as this is hopeless thanks!
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a break, christian, drunk, her ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (7 December 2010):
we do all have feeling towards our ex's
so you jeallousy is very naturaly
but as most of told you keep away from her
if you have a kind hearted female coworker tell her about your problem and she most probably would help you and fix with with a girl that suites
women see things we dont mate
nd i beleive you deserve better
Good Luck
A
male
reader, tonytol +, writes (7 December 2010):
tonytol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i went to meet her in library and she was with 2 other chaps she 'd been 2 dinner with (they are from the Mind group which i am caretaker for) at his house the young man co signed a Christmas card to her saying from your future boyfriend!!!! am i over reacting when i find this upsetting and way i have split up , (this has happened several times in last 6 months)
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A
male
reader, tonytol +, writes (4 December 2010):
tonytol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do need to work though my own social phobia. My girlfriend is hinting that she is going to stop going to farm and spend Christmas with me. Today i took her Christmas shopping - which helps my social phobia too. We still need to work things out and will probably need counselling sometime. Airing this here has helped a little - so thanks everyone for these helpful replies
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (4 December 2010):
solve your social phoebia my friendand dont live your life alone (( unless you want to befriend disturbed people ))make good bonds with people arround but and live your moment but dont expect much from people as people change over time and this doenst happen for you alone but we all live it and suffer from itbut again having a good group of friends is a good relief for every one if you managed how you feel about them
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A
male
reader, tonytol +, writes (3 December 2010):
tonytol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone , i am either better off single (as i have some problems of my own with "social phobia"). I wish i hadnt bonded at all , when she gives me her attention i feel really happy but this is not going anywhere without counselling , i thought i could work through our problems by doing this ie:going to the wedding meeting her parents etc and keep making it known that i feel upset (to say the least) when she goes to the farm. Before the wedding she said she wanted to spend Christmas day on the farm , i think i am probably at the point where i have to forbid her - but dont think this could work either as it has to be her own decision. She also has vaginismus which makes sexual intercourse impossible we tried even on holiday i could only get a small finger to enter her vagina (i think she sometimes uses religion as an sexcuse not to try), i always let her know that this is not a problem , what is a problem is her and her ex boyfriends and being scared of living with me. most of the time i see her we just hold hands sometimes kiss but sharing a bed all night is impossible for her as she cant sleep at all.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (3 December 2010):
there is nothing more devistating than being inlove or involved with people whohas personality dissorders
or people who are drug addicts
and therfor i suggest you should dump her ASAP
and try to find another girl or even stay along
as lonsome is far more better than being with someone like this
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 December 2010):
Yes you can dump her. That's the only way you'll stop this mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): The way that I would get old boyfriends to leave me alone was to help them find a new girlfriend. Introduce her to every available guy you know. Get all of your friends to introduce her to their guy friends. If there seems to be any interest between her and one of the guys, arrange to meet somewhere, then you disappear. Don't spend any time with her other than when finding new guys.
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A
male
reader, JippySad  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 You do not have to do anything, just do not have sex with her. Then gradually, the bonding will weaken and it will be more easy to gently let it go.
If you cannot do that, than take yourself seriously and make the best of it. Talk to her, find other ways to communicate to her, do things your way and still be there for her. Maybe talk to those friends and get it cleared up for yourself what it means when she goes there. Seeing ex-boyfriends for woman seems to be more harmless then seeing ex-girlfriends is for man.
Suggest her to take some counseling together. Maybe it helps her find a solution or the counselor may suggest her a good private counselor during the conversation.
Good luck!
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