Why doesn't my boyfriend just propose to me already? Is he playing games?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I are in our mid to late 40's. Each married and divorced once and we each have 2 children at home. We have been together for more than 2 1/2 years. At the beginning of the relationship during a casual discussion, I told him that I was not the type that would like to move in with a man without being married to him. He asked if I wanted to get married again, to which I told him that yes, that is what I ultimately want-a relationship that leads to marriage. So here we are 2 1/2 years later. We live a significant distance apart (40 minutes or so) which makes it difficult to see each other (i.e. there is no dropping by, or short visits). He works 2 jobs (he doesn't HAVE to work this much but says that there is no way around it), we have opposite schedules, cats and dogs living in each house that need to be attended to, etc. I think it's been more than 2 weeks since we've had sex. I don't even really remember it's been that long. Anyway, this has been a real challenge keeping this relationship afloat. Once we hit a point in our relationship where each felt that we would want to be married to each other, I have felt like "why don't we just do that?". We're not young children. We are each self-sufficient adults. Life could be easier in terms of money, upkeep of a house, getting kids where they need to go, and seeing each other more regularly so we don't feel like strangers. He keeps telling me that he wants that. He gets mad and agitated if I bring it up though. Says I'm pressuring him. So, I don't say anything, we don't really talk about our future. He gets mad at me sometimes and says that I don't talk about our future, but it's a fine line with him about what to say without "pressuring" him blah blah blah. During one such discussion turned argument several months ago, he told me that he wanted to get engaged this summer. Here it is Labor Day weekend...the summer is over. There is no end in sight to this dating arrangement that has become very draining due to the distance and lack of time available to each other. Neither of us has our kids this weekend. This rarely happens. But I was alone until well after dinner last night while he played cards with some buddies and then called when he was done and picked a fight with me. I'm pretty sure he was waaayyy over tired and frustrated and this is what he does, so we didn't see each other. I have been alone all day today and it's almost the dinner hour. The only communication we've had is because I texted him well after noon. To be honest, I began wondering if he had a heart attack. His lifestyle is such that he is a prime candidate, unfortunately. Anyhow, I know this is long. But I would really appreciate any thoughts about WHAT TO DO??!?!! I feel like he's just making excuses and stringing me along, but a big part of me doesn't want to believe that and really wants to believe that he will propose to me. He says he already has the ring, by the way. I just feel like, if he loves me and wants to marry me and HAS an engagement ring in his possession, why would he not just ask me and allow us to get to the business of making one life that would be a lot less stressful and where we could actually be together instead of this sort of long distance loneliness that I'm feeling. He keeps saying it will get better, but it hasn't gotten better. It's gotten worse. I feel like he has the power to make it better, but he does nothing. Sometimes I think he's waiting for me to propose to him. But that is out of the question. I have been through a lot in my life and I want and deserve a proper proposal. Is he playing games with me?

View related questions: divorce, engaged, long distance, money, text

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