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My girlfriend has been ignoring my messages, I feel like she is seeing someone else

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 August 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 August 2013)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

So I want to keep this short because most people wont read it if its really long. My girlfriend has been short with me this week and distant she doesn't send me cute good morning texts and goodnight which makes me lead to the decision that she is obviously seeing someone else. I got a message the other day and answered it an hour later and then called her to see if we could hang out and talk. She let it go to voicemail. Then I text her what the **** she read it but didn't respond. I asked her if she was angry and got no response. I ask her what was going on and still got no response. Finally, I said if you don't call me in a half hour were over and you'll never hear from me again. Still no response what do I do. Im giving her space but I want her back but I want her to come back on her own. Will she ever text me back because I hate leaving on a bad note. Will this ever hit her like it hit me?

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (17 August 2013):

Could it be as simple as something happened to her phone and she can't call/text you back?

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A female reader, Brokenv Canada +, writes (17 August 2013):

I think you are jumping the gun here. Maybe your girlfriend is stressing about work? family matters? friend in trouble? not feeling herself? Maybe she just can't speak with you about it right now.

Communication is the key to a successful relationship. You need to send an email or a text message apologize for your "silliness" and tell her you are concerned about her wellness/behaviour. However you want to put it.

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2013):

You snapped at her by asking her what the ****. You took an hour to respond to her message. You then demanded that she respond, or it's over. She may have just turned her phone off.

You ended it, now live with it. If she wanted the relationship to continue, she would have been on the phone to find out why you're so upset. Her ignoring your previous messages finally gave her what she wanted.

Out!

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (16 August 2013):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntWhen people are distant or do not reply to texts, it does normally mean they have something else on there minds.

This doesn't nesscairly mean that she is seeing someone else, but obviously whatever is going on is effecting yours and hers relationship.

If she is seeing your messages and ignoring you, it could mean you have done something wrong, or as I said, maybe she has something else on her mind.

However if she is not willing to respond or talk about it, she is being very immature.

If you said that if she did not respond within half an hour or you are over, and she saw the message and still did not respond, it obviously means that this relationship cannot be that important to her.

Text her one last time, asking her what is going on, and why she has cut you off all of a sudden, be very subtle and do not be too forceful, tell her that you are worried something may be going on or even tell her you feel that she may be seeing someone else.

If she still doesn't wish to respond, then delete her number and don't bother.

Its very obvious that if she can't even respond to a simple text message that she does not value your relationship as much as you do.

Here is a famous quote that may help you out "Don't expect me to make you my first priority, if you make me your second one".

Good luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2013):

From your message I thought you were both much younger than the age category you selected. At 30-35 to be having these kind of "games" and the poor or lack of communication is a big problem.

When you didn't get an answer on her phone, when it went to voicemail, why not leave a simple message saying you had called, and you will try again later? The "wtf" text was immature. She ignored it.

If it was urgent, you could have stated what it was. If you wanted her to call you back, you could have said that.

Who knows what was going on, where she was at, if she could answer - she may have been driving, she may have been listening to a friend's problems, who knows? You automatically assume there is someone else, judge, jury and executor and state "if you don't call me in a half hour were over and you'll never hear from me again."? That is no way to handle a relationship.

How about some patience? Respect? Courtesy? You called, she missed the call and text - give her time, she would have replied and you could then plan the outting you were thinking about, instead of the threat.

Your best bet - apologise. State you've been going crazy assuming the worst, you are sorry you got so aggressive and threatening and childish, whatever was going on, you would like to see her, when is she available again?

Wait... a day, two max. If no answer, something happened, or she is not interested. First confirm she is ok, no accidents, family deaths, etc. if none of that, and she is not interested, MOVE ON, without degrading yourself by name calling, swearing, etc on her phone. Just walk away, let her regret losing you. Then find someone you can actually talk to, who is equally engaged.

Good Luck

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A male reader, human_male New Zealand +, writes (16 August 2013):

human_male agony auntWhy jump to the conclusion that she's seeing someone? Anything could be going on in her life. She might be ill or any number of things. Or maybe she's upset with you about something. Instead of demanding she contact you, you could have sent her a message letting her know that you're concerned about her, and that you're available if she needs to talk or needs anything. You know, be supportive.

I think you should appologise for the "what the ****" and "If you don't resond in half an hour we're over." Tell her that you just want to know she's ok and if there's anything wrong and leave it at that. Or go an see her and see if she's ok. But if she doesn't want to see you don't get angry. Be concerned for her and supportive. Not suspicous and demanding.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2013):

Say what you mean and mean what you say. You told her it was over and she would never hear from you again if she didn't respond. She didn't. So, it's over. Let her go, hard as it is.

Carrying on a conversation over text messaging gets you this. Yes, you called her, which was good, but she's not being mature and handling whatever the problem is in the right way. It's not to say that she is seeing someone else, but her total ignore is a bit telling. There are a million and one reasons why, and you can let your mind wonder as to what the reason/s are, but you really don't know. If she was *really* worth it, she wouldn't be behaving this way. Time to move on...

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