A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girfriend changed. Itz a completely different person than who I met 3 years ago. She is 27, I am 35. We are planning to get married very soon. Now I dont even know anymore. First I didnt really pay that much attention but now it's obvious. Couple months ago I suddenly realized that she doesnt start any conversation. My girfriend can be very chatty, not all the time , but at times she goes into long detailed stories about her coworkers or a friend she met or a political event.Not anymore. When I talk she listens in silence, and then just a srugg or a node. I realized yesterday that she doesnt suggest any outings anylonger. She liked to have a drink at times, even at home she could make herself a drink ..but not anymore. If you think she might be pregnant, no, she is not, she just had her period last week.I was never into bars or go out every weekend, so ussualy I just go along with whatever she suggests. I even suggested oneplace myself last weekend and she said she just wants to relax at home. Our sex is still almost the same, frequent and passionate. She never refuses..but doesn't initiate, this is new. If before she demanded cuddling and always was teasing me how I should learn how to cuddle, now she doesnt really care. Her friend was visiting on Sunday that she sees every. Couple months and for 5 hours there was lots of laughs from family room they occupied. She made quite gourmet meals for all of us. And seemed excited about her friends visit. I didnt see her like this for past couple months at all. It was like a different person.That night sex was amazing, she was almost old herself, but in a morning she became reserved again. Today I asked her over and over again if thede is anything going on. She looked really surprised why I am asking her and reassured me that nothing is happening new. This weekend we were invited to friends house for dinner. When I told her, there was a moment of hesitation, I could clearly see it..a speck of a second really, just her eyes became dull..and fhen she said, sure... This is not what she would say before. Before she would be excited and say something like: o nice, how sweet of them to invite us..something in that tone. Since I cant get any answer from her what is happening, i came here for advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2021): Hi, this is OP. Thank you all for responses, really appreciate it.
I dont want to start another discussion about Covid as it seemed like people around the globe divided into 2 camps. Just to say that it's been brutal in Australia with lockdowns. Not sure what our government is doing, seems like they want to destroy us all with keeping us locked up like this. Now half of Australia is on stay at home orders.
Luckily we are not in that part. We are more in remote area, and lucky to have freedom..for now.
When I said we were planning to get married, I didnt mean we were actually planning the wedding. We have hope that we will go back eventually to the world we knew before and then we can start wedding plans.
I am not into porn and dont talk to any of my ex 's. My girfriend is normally very easy going and as I mentioned before she is a talker, tells me every little details of her day normally.
I am more inclined to think that as anonymous said, she is ready to leave. May be for her this relationship ran its course..sadly for me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2021): Your profile looks like you are in Australia? If so , the whole country has just been flung into lockdown yet again so a LOT of people are feeling very down and depressed . That’s exactly what this sounds like
Maybe talk to her about how that’s affecting her
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 Sounds a bit like depression?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 I would agree that you need to talk to her but I would also suggest you give her specific examples of what you mean by a change in her behaviour. Use the example you gave in your post. Think of more examples. Telling someone "your behaviour has changed" is not always helpful. Giving actual examples will help to pinpoint those changes.
I wonder, how has the Covid situation been in your part of the world? How has it affected her? Could she be frightened/worried/anxious about the future?
You need to put your wedding on hold until you get to the bottom of what is going on - or even call it off completely.
I hope you manage to sort things out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2021): She is getting ready to leave you. This has happened to me before so I know what I am talking about .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2021): She's internalizing something, if the changes are so drastic that they've become noticeably uncharacteristic behavior. If you're getting married soon, that could be what's weighing on her mind. As the date of your wedding approaches, anxiety increases. Preparations, the costs of planning a wedding and reception, preparing or weeding through a guest list, and dealing with her bridesmaids; or if it's just going to be a civil ceremony, it may not be the kind of wedding she dreamed of. There may be some doubts she needs to overcome.
Did you present her with a diamond when you proposed? Was it a ring-less or unromantic proposal? Did you begrudgingly propose under pressure or duress???
Sometimes people hide things about themselves that they fear will draw pity or judgement. Marriage is a big step, and keeping secrets can be pretty weighty on the conscience. Left unaddressed, things can become contentious. Like Code Warrior suggests, you might want to pump the breaks on the trip to the alter. You need to get her to a lovely place where it's quiet and peaceful; just the two of you. Get to the bottom of this.
Maybe she is having second-thoughts about marriage, or has something to confess. You might be having your own anxieties about marriage; and you're projecting your own feelings or reservations onto your girlfriend.
Do you have a clear conscience? Is your search history clear of porn and/or views of other women? She may have snooped your phone and devices. Do you have a lot of active contacts with single-women on your social media accounts? Are you too chummy with your exe(s)? Did you have an argument recently that some strong language was exchanged? Have you been deficient in giving her compliments on her appearance, or have you forgotten a number of special occasions? Does she share the same political views? Did you forget her birthday? Check the list, they won't always tell you; sometimes our mates expect us to read their minds!!! Sometimes deep-down you know, but can't bring it up. Does she get along well with your family? Particularly, your mother? Is she dieting?
You may have made an off-the-cuff criticism/comment about her that sticks in her mind; but she won't admit it, so not to appear "petty." Pouting (or sulking) is a human coping-mechanism. It's avoidance of conflict; while passive-aggressively sending subtle cues and signals of your malcontent. The typical reaction is denial there's anything wrong; after being repeatedly asked! Obviously, there is!
You two need to have a deep discussion to get things out in the open. Address the particular changes you've observed in her behavior; and let her know that you know her well enough to recognize when she's not being herself. Going from peppy and extroverted to low-keyed and reserved has to be due to some underlying-causes.
If you're having cold-feet about marriage, now is the time to make up your mind for certain. Nothing may be particularly unusual at all, aside from the usual premarital jitters; but you may be subconsciously looking for something as an excuse to delay or withdraw your marriage proposal. I think it's serious enough that you should talk about it; until you both have a full understanding whether you're still on the same page about marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2021):
 I absolutely agree with CodeWarrior,
This needs to be sorted BEFORE the wedding IF there is to be one.
My secondary advice is to let her know YOU have seen a big decline in her interactions and participation. And if it's anything YOU are doing, you can't help fix the issue if she can not talk about it.
Is she concerned about the upcoming marriage? Finances? Children? How did she handle the lockdown?
You really NEED to talk to her and not accept " everything is fine" statements. Because obviously, everything is not fine.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 "If you think she might be pregnant, no, she is not" LOL that never even crossed my mind. I think she's reevaluating this relationship. When is the wedding? is she getting cold feet? when I was 27 I had a bf who was 10 yrs older and eager to get married and at some point I started to think, is this what the rest of my life is going to be like, then I realized that yes it was. He was happy with the relationship but I wasn't and I just didn't want to speak with him about it, because it wasn't an issue that could be fixed, but rather who we were as individuals and together as a couple, the life we shared didn't make me happy anymore. I wanted to travel the world, make more money, have maybe one child later on, he was happy just to be a teacher, have an average life and travel once a year somewhere in the countryside, have 3 kids... and at 37 he wouldn't change his mind, didn't have to really we just weren't right for each other and I broke up with him.
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