A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend, after an argument, told me he needs to find a new girlfriend, that I drive him crazy. We were having a disagreement about his male friend. His friend and I got off to a bad start. He doesn't like me. My boyfriend and I were driving around today and his friend called him. His friend asked if I was in the car with him (my bf told me after I asked) and my bf said yes I was. He then told him he would talk to him later. My by does not want to talk to him around me. I asked why. Why can he not have a conversation with his friend around me. What does he have to hide? I have chats with my mom, cousin and sisters and even ex husband with him present. I have nothing to hide. He said his friend doesn't like me and he does not want to rock the boat. How is his friend and I ever to get along if he keeps both relationships separate??I told him it bothered me that I am made to feel like persona non grata and he said I was just nagging him and going on about it, and he just lost his temper, walked out of the grocery store and left me there. He then went back to the grocery story while I waited in the car. He seems to get angry at me when I voice my opinion and he says I go on about things too much. He wants to shut me down rather than talk. I am looking for a resolution and open communication and he just gets angry. He raised his voice, picked his phone up to throw it into the windshield (but didn't) and told me to be quiet or he would drop me off at the side of the road and I could walk home. I think all of these reactions are over the top and abusive to be honest.I am not sure how to resolve this situation. My boyfriend is also flawed and not perfect. And I put up with a lot of shit from him but never once have I told him I need to find myself a new boyfriend. It is hard to not feel resentful about that. And part of me wanted to leave then and there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2021): Typo correction:
"You're two mature-people, and should be more experienced at settling petty disputes and disagreements."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2021): You're both in your 50's, or older?
Seriously?!!
I do agree that his behavior is abusive and he's responding too aggressively. It could be from accumulated aggravation and irritation due to having one petty issue after another.
His friend does not have to like you, and your boyfriend has no control over his friend's feelings. If the guy doesn't want to chat when he knows you're present, what difference does that make to you? He's not some other woman! Besides, he's not your friend; and he doesn't have to be.
If you put-up with too much sh!t; seems the logical thing to do is for you to find a "new boyfriend." If you're always having petty arguments over this and that, you're incompatible. You're two mature-people, and should be more experienced as settling petty disputes and disagreements.
We're getting a one-sided story. We don't know what your bf has to put-up with. Verbal-abuse and aggressive behavior is never justified; but there is cause and effect. If he doesn't treat you with kindness and respect; it seems logical that you're the one who needs to go find herself a new boyfriend.
I echo the wise words of the shrewd and prudent Honeypie:
"Y'all need to grow up."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 July 2021):
 "I think all of these reactions are over the top and abusive to be honest."
Yes.
However, your BF can not control WHEN his friend calls him or that his friend has a PREFERENCE to talk to your BF when YOU are not around. That is on the friend, NOT your BF.
And if you DO have a tendency to create this much drama out of nothing, I don't blame the friend for saying:" ok I'll call you later."
No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws.
That doesn't justify drama or being a total twat to your GF.
You say you want open communication, which is good. But you don't respect when your BF says there is nothing to discuss here.
In this instance (with his friend you don't like) YOU were making drama and a mountain out of nothing just to whinge. And your BF got frustrated and acted like an assclown.
Maybe you should end it and LET him find himself a new GF. You obviously are not happy with him, and he isn't treating you right.
You were both acting like idiots here. If you are both in your 50's you are both ways too old to behave like this.
So WHAT that his friend rather talk to your BF when you aren't around? No skin of YOUR nose.
Y'all need to grow up.
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