A
female
age
30-35,
*al88
writes:I am in my early twenties and I am a girl seeing another girl about my age. I do not personally think masturbation is wrong but my girlfriend insists that she does not like the idea of me masturbating although I only do it when we cannot be intimate during certain period when I am away to visit home. It can be up to a period of one month or more when I have to be away from her.I thought after some time of discussing with her, she would understand why I masturbate when we are not near each other. She asked me to do it without letting her know because she still does not like it. However, I now feel guilty if I do it because I know this is something that I have to hide from her. It feels almost as if I am cheating on her. Is there any way I could talk to her about this or how should I reduce my guilt when I need to masturbate to relieve my needs.Thank you very much for answering. Some friends asked me to just stop masturbating but I can go only maximum of a few days before it really irritates me as all I could feel is physical arousal Eg. Increased heartbeats, etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Dear Friend.
Whatever you do, do NOT stop masturbating. I tried it once for a month and got in a serious car crash and nearly died. Seriously. It's the most natural human act after eating, breathing and sexing. TBH, you talked about your periods twice at the start of your story - clearly here is the crux of the problem. Are you in sync with each other? I don't know if anybody ever told you this, but its OK to have sex when you have your period. Everybody, or at least most people, or some people do it, and its totally fine. You just need to put down a towelette and away you go.
I hope that helps. I had a very similar conversation with my grandmother when I was your age, and I'm glad I took her advice.
Best, Pamella
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Hi
I also agree with CindyCares, as I often do. 97% of men have bowel movements...Or did I read that wrong?
Most people masturbate and it is normal, fun, exciting and pleasurable (so im told). Im not sure why you would tell your GF about it either to be honest. Also discussing this situation with friends sounds just a little odd to be honest.
She has no way of knowing you are doing it in private so best keep it to yourself. No need to feel guilty! It means you are normal, healthy and discovering you body, and as Cindy says it shows you are willing to learn what works for you and that makes you a better lover.
Using Cindys analogy - Im happy to tell anyone who will listen about my bowel movements, try shutting me up on the subject, if your interested - think the worlds strongest man contest only more straining, but I would not tell anyone (including a partner) about my masturbatory habits. That's too private and kept to myself. What I do with my body is my business and no-one else's! My idea of a good first date is telling a woman all about my bowel movements as im quite a romantic in that respect, and I am currently single and available for dates ladies, but what I do with my penis is a no no. I keep such things to myself and suggest you do the same with your masturbation habits.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation, well I hope not as ive been doing it for years! It hasn't dimmed my eyesight, caused me any ill effects nor got me kicked out of church but it is something to keep to yourself. I masturbate regularly and im happy to announce that to the world on DC. Mind you, I think some people know already as they often say "That Marks a right wa..!"
Masturbating privately and keeping it to yourself is a good compromise and I strongly urge you not to feel guilty about it. I do hope your partner can learn to let go of her hang ups about you pleasuring yourself as its a natural part of human nature. Its not cheating or dishonest in any way. Its about enjoyment, fulfilling a need which, realistically, a partner cannot always do and discovering your own body.
Mark
P.S. If you find the penis Honeypie says is yours, let us know ;-)
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I don't see the big deal. She did give you permission to do so but without letting her know so why not just do as she instructed. That is her way of compromising. It's not meant to make you feel guilty. It needs no further discussion as she seems like she fully understands and has given you the option of doing it without telling her so why not just do it that way. That's all there is to it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I'm with Cindy here..
You are both nuts.
If she doesn't want you to masterbate, then don't DO it around her. But it's YOUR penis and your hand. YOU have the right to your privacy when it comes to things such as materbation.
My guess is she believe it's sinful, it's up to you whether you agree or not.
What she is doing is SHAMING you into thinking it's wrong, and that... is really sad.
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A
female
reader, Gal88 +, writes (6 August 2014):
Gal88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers. I did know it is some form of control that she is showing her. I love her and do not completely understand why she is so against masturbation as well.
It may be just insecurity that she has with me. I would still continue doing what I think is right. Like what you girls mentioned, just make it secretive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): Some people, like myself, just do not like masturbating. For some, like me, I just don't feel the need for it, for others it may be religious or it just feels wrong to them. I don't think she's insecure about it because she didn't say she considers it as her not satisfying you, she just doesn't want you to tell her about it. You're actually lucky in the sense that some people will forbid you to do it, though it's not their place, but she's just said she doesn't like it and would rather you didn't do it, but she's okay with you doing it IF you don't tell her.
Now it's up to you to realise she's not asking you to feel guilty, she's just asking you not to tell her about it.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (6 August 2014):
 Some people feel that when there partner masturbates, they are masturbating because there partner isn't fulfilling them enough. So they kinda get jealous about it.
Of course we both know that the reason someone masturbates is to release a bit of tension, and its not because their partner isn't sexually satisfying them enough, however we all see things differently.
I had a boyfriend once who told me that one of his previous girlfriends didn't like him masturbating and would even go as far as having full on arguments with him because he masturbated which is just stupid.
Its obvious your girlfriend feels insecure when she thinks of you having "fun" alone, but to be honest its completely normal. Some people don't like their partners watching porn, some don't like their partners talking to exes and some don't like their partners masturbating. Everyone is different.
However, you are not doing anything wrong, you are simply doing what comes naturally to you. Also your girlfriend said she didn't like you doing it, she didn't say that you CAN'T do it.
So I think you should continue masturbating, after all it is your body, and is there really any harm done if you don't tell her? No not really, its obviously a sensitive subject for her, so I think your best bet is just to carry on, let the guilt go, and don't tell her when you do have "some alone time". Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (6 August 2014):
What? No. She's nuts. Masturbating is fun and it's great for you. She sounds horribly, horribly insecure, and terribly controlling, and frankly you shouldn't put up with such an insane, over the top demand for an instant. Why does she think that's ok? Why did you agree? You're heading for some serious future sexual insecurities if you continue down this path, in fact sounds like you are already there, what with the guilt surrounding something you should NOT feel guilty about.
I'd advise you to break up with her but it sounds like she has you fully under control so I doubt you will. So my advice is to wank away and ignore the ridiculous demands. Sounds like she really needs to go rub one out, too. :-)
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I think you are both a little bit kookoo :) , she for forbidding you masturbating, and you a ) for even listening to her and b) for feeling guilty.
Masturbation, unless it becomes compulsive which it's clearly not your case, is healthy and perfectly NORMAL. 97% of men masturbate regularly ( .. and the other 3% lies, says the old joke ).
Although, it is a personal, private activity that does not need to be announced from the rooftops, so I don't see WHY in the world you would tell your gf , out of some particularlt " naughty " sexy context .
There 's nothing wrong or sick in defecating too, but I suppose you do not announce your bowel movements to all and sundry, including your Gf ?... This is not telling lies about your bowel movements, it's just giving them as implied and not sharing with people things that they do not want, and should not want to know.
In this your Gf is correct, just do it and do not let her know, that's not disloyalty, it's discretion and reserve. As for why she has such hang ups about masturbation, I don't know, but, let me tell you, I hope for her she gets over them, because a woman who does not know her body well , is typically a bad lover who can't fully pleasure either herself or her partner..
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