A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can I ask for people's opinions? My relationship of two years ended yesterday and I want to honestly know if I am the reason.We met two years ago online, I don't trust people easily because I know what liars some people are. Right off the bat I noticed she met me about a week after she left her other relationship. At the start of us getting to know each other I was sceptical to believing what she said. She described to me these horrible relationships that she was in yet stayed in full contact with her ex and at one point invited them over to her flat (I understand why she invited them over as there was problems within there family at that moment in time), but she described this ex like they were horrible.In about January we were together for about 3 month and I noticed she was labeling me as her friend to a guy at University who it was clear to see was interested in more.. I admit I allowed my insecurities to get the best of me but then I let it go because she assured me it wasn't like that. Then I was sat with her one day and he popped up on the screen and was about to ask her out. She says she told him she's involved which I accepted. I also had to deal with her threatening to leave me every week.She then moved back home, which ironically was closer to me. She promised I could go to her house and that nothing would change but everything changed and I barely seen her and I couldn't do anything right.She got depressed a few months later and she got into contact with the guy she left 5 days before meeting me. Although she told me about the first time they spoke, she said that was all. What I learned was that she had a fake Facebook profile she would log on to and talk to him quite often, even though I seen the messages she told me she wasn't speaking to him.Then she met the next guy at Uni who she wouldn't stop talking about. I didn't care about him until after celebrating one year together she grew really distant.She started telling me she doesn't know if she loves me, doesn't know if she wants to be with me. As far as I was aware we were happy so I didn't understand it. I snooped through her Facebook and seen her agreeing for the two of them to go hang out together.. He was asking her out, she agreed and all the while she wouldn't see me and was treating me like crap. (I also seen that she had been talking about me to her ex and telling them how horrible I am a few months before that.) I confronted her about this guy and we broke up, funny thing is she continued to text him but lied to me and said they hadn't spoke. For about two months she wouldn't tell me it was over but kept saying she didn't know if she wanted me or loved me. I harassed her over messages because she messed with my head, she would come over and we would have sex but then she would go back and still not know what she wanted.We got back together in February, she got me nothing for Valentine day. She has left me more times than I can count, I've seen messages where she has told her friend to report my family for fraud. I've watched her call me names and play the victim.I've never met her family or her friends, everyone is told I'm just her friend and for the time she allowed me to put our relationship status on Facebook it was hidden from everyone but me. The only friend that knows of me doesn't like me. I'm not allowed to tag any pictures of us or comment on her pictures. I'm not allowed to call/text her, she won't go on holiday with me and it's a job and a half just to see her.Everything she does is excused by her depression.Atm she's talking to her ex again until the early hours of the morning, for that reason she gets up late, I don't get to talk to her and we miss days together. I said to her yesterday that it's making me uncomfortable how she sits up until 7am with him and that since adding him to Facebook she's listed herself as single.Her reply was to leave me, call me an enormous dick and tell me all I want to do is own her. We argued and I am now blocked on everything.. I don't know where she lives as I was never invited to hers. I got quite nasty with her I will admit as hearing the 'you want to own me' comment pissed me off.I will add that she constantly picks fights and tells me I have nothing wrong with me despite been diagnosed by the doctor with anxiety/OCD.. She likes to push her opinions and talk about everyone. She also drags up the past and makes up stuff I've never done.I have my problems of been insecure after what she's done but for some reason she thinks she's innocent.I was watching her when she was over two weeks ago and I do love her, I love her so much but having a normal relationship with her has been the hardest task.
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broke up, depressed, facebook, got back together, her ex, insecure, liar, on holiday, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, IzzySoph +, writes (6 August 2014):
Honestly, it sounds that this girl you were with sounds emotionally abusive. I myself have been in a relationship for almost two years now, and I know that with that much time, people can make mistakes, be mean, and do stupid things for completely inexplicable reasons, but this is too far. The problem is that when you love someone, in your mind you see them in her perfect form, like ultra HD and the issues that come with that relationship become less defined. I would say that you need to let her go. You need to take some time to love yourself and reflect on what is important to you and what kind of person you should look for in a LONG long time. Whatever you do, do not blame yourself. Like I said, people make mistakes and there's no point staying in the past but what shes been doing is in another league. Just put a black "x" on her face in your mind and look forward - the future is bright! :) xx
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (6 August 2014):
 So, she's lied to you, been mean to you, hasn't introduced you to her family or friends, and has constantly been secretly talking to exes and guys behind your back.
The thing which baffles me the most is that you were with her for two years, because honestly from what I have read it doesn't really sound like you had a relationship with her at all, just a lot of lies and bullshit.
Why did you stay with her for so long? She has done so many bad things to you, that after her lying about her ex then carrying on talking to him, I would of been out the door.
You have put up for with a lot, so well done on that part, but honestly this relationship was doomed from the start. She got with you just 5 days after leaving her ex. It took me almost a year each to get over both of my exes, feelings don't just float away , she would of still had feelings for him while she was with you, and as she had no time to recover from that breakup it probably explains why she has treated you so badly.
However putting all that a side...its over now, and if I was you i'd be more relieved that anything, relieved that I didn't have to put up with all of the lying and so forth anymore.
To answer your question, don't blame yourself, and don't blame her either. In relationships its not just one-sided, things happen, people make mistakes, and even though she has done a hell of a lot things wrong to you i'm sure you have made some mistakes too. So don't even bother to think about whose fault it is, its irrelevant.
I think for now you should relax, treat yourself, put on a funny movie, grab some ice cream and cry if you need to. If you need to talk to some friends or family then do so, but here is one thing you should do for certain.....DO NOT let her mess you around anymore. DO NOT fall into her trap of making you feel sorry for her. DO NOT contact her, have sex with her, anything which she may use to worm her way back in, because this relationship is never going to work. Also she has been manipulating you, which is wrong, and if you have respect for yourself, and your life....don't let her do it anymore.
Good Luck, I wish you all the best x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I guess this relations was just born still-born or barely alive ... and grew up accordingly.
FIVE days after breaking up with someone, she gets together with you ? that has gor REBOUND written all over it. Then, she kept you around as her safety net, while, apparently, she was looking around for better options.
I am pretty sure that you sealed your fate with your OCD/ anxiety that must have pushed you to become controlling, needy, clingy and all that, and this is something that can tire out even a woman who is devoted, committed and in good faith. BUT, she wasn't in good faith anyway, so you have nothing to regret- be glad that it has ended , and do NOT try to reconnect.
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