A
male
age
41-50,
*ajburn
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months and everything has been going really well until recently. Earlier this week she sent me a text saying that she had been thinking and that she wanted to talk. (Bad News Obviously) Well... It was to tell me that she needed to "take a break." My reaction was one of complete shock. Like I said before, everything has been going really well we both have expressed our love for each other and she was talking about how I was "it" for her. We talked about our future openly and seemed to have good communication. She gave me a list of reasons of why she wants to take a break. The main one being that she couldn't be a good girlfriend due to other stresses in her life (school, student teaching, lack of a job, living with her sister) and that with the quickness of the relationship she had "freaked herself out."The latter is one that I don't understand. Because she is the one that often talked about our future. I never really cared to much when she said this kind of stuff because I was able to imagine a future with her. I feel like this relationship could be over and it breaks my heart. I am not sure what to do or how to handle it. She texted me last night asking "how I was doing" and "hoping I was doing well". The only thing I could think to respond with was "I'm doing ok...I guess. Staying busy."I want to tell her that I am really sad and that I miss her but I'm afraid of putting pressure on her and driving her away. I want to respect her wishes but it sucks so much. :(I feel like I am walking on eggshells. I am just looking for some advice on how to respond to text messages with out sounding pathetic. Should I put on a strong front? Or should I tell her how I really feel?Thanks
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 February 2012):
 It could mean she does miss you, but her missing you doesn't always go hand in hand with wanting to repair the relationship. Sometimes love just isn't enough. I really hope we're wrong though.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Is she dating other people? Are you?
Don't assume that she wouldn't date other people right now just because you don't want to. You didn't want to take a break in the first place. She did.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
 oh dear... i know YOU are not ready to give up on the relationship but I fear she is...
"a break" after just six months... that is often the prelude to a full blown break up... just the gentle way to do it.
I hope we are wrong...but I think you should be prepared
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A
male
reader, sajburn +, writes (10 February 2012):
sajburn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback
I don't think that I am ready to cut the relationship of just yet. It has only been a few days.
I was hoping that the fact that she contacted me might be a good sign.
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A
male
reader, sajburn +, writes (10 February 2012):
sajburn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback.
I don't think that I am ready to let go of the relationship that easily. She told me that she didn't necessarily want us to break up for good. That she needed space for a while.
I was kind of hopeful that the text message meant that she might miss me.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I think the young woman has made it clear, that she doesn’t want to be involved anymore. And I am so sorry. If she isn't willing then you need to look after yourself.
For her say, that the main reason for this break is that "she couldn't be a good girlfriend due to other stresses in her life (school, student teaching, lack of a job, living with her sister)" that is not a justifiable reason. I think you have figured that one out, too. She is saying, "we go on a break so I have a life with family/friends, and deal with my stresses, etc." Listen, two people who genuinely love each other can date exclusively and still maintain their own individual interests, other friends, educational/job committments, life stresses. They manage it with looking to each other for the support and love to get through whatever life throws at them.
Her added comment about the 'quickness'of the relationship is unfortunately, the true reason. Instead of having the comfort of standing on the solid ground of love with you, she has now decided to put all these outside restrictions around this relationship to keep guarding her heart and not loving back, in a way you deserve. None of this is your fault...understand that. She simply was not ready to function in life, from a basis of the love, for which you offered.
My suggestion: Break up with her completely, heal, recover and begin anew with someone who is not afraid of love and doesn't view it as a burden. You will need to cease all contact from this ex gf, in order to do this. And then..mindfully, allow the healing process to get underway.
And remember, no love relationship is foolproof? Life is a series of risks. Learn from it and become a stronger more solid person, as a result. My best of wishes to you. Take care of you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
It's not a good sign but I agree with everything Person12345 said
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 February 2012):
I think give her space. Often times in these types of eggshell circumstances with relationships you should identify what you most want to do and do the opposite. For instance when your partner pulls away, the thing you most want to do (we all want to do) is text and call incessantly to show them we care and want them back. But the best thing to do is sit on our hands and give them space.
I know it's really rough but you need to let her come to you. She can't know she misses you if she isn't apart. I know the answer you're looking for is for us to tell you to show her some huge romantic gestures and show up at her house with flowers, but unfortunately you just need to wait it out. If the relationship has a chance, it's for her to realize she misses you. So give her all the space she needs, don't text her unless she texts you first. I hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Dont tell her anything. I fear she is just keeping you as a back up in case her plan doesnt work out. The biggest wake up call would be to make her think you are doing alright without her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): well, it clearly seems like she's giving reasons for the two of you to stay apart, as you already mentioned she must be really scared about how fast this relationship is going, all you need to do is let her know that you wont leave her side and that you are in no hurry for physical intimacy, and assure her that you love her, that all you want is a life with her. Just comfort her and let her know that you wont ever leave her. She will probably open up to you then and if she truly loves you, then believe me she'll come back:)
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (10 February 2012):
Tell her how you really feel. The "on break" thing is hell. You are hanging by a string - waiting. It's not fair. If she's certain she wants to be with you - she could say "let's spend less time together" - not basically break up with you. I've seen it before - it seems like She's trying to be "nice" and let you down easy. Decide for yourself how long you can be in "waiting".
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