A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a 7 year relationship and decided to leave him.i then met a guy and was with him for 6 months and got pregnant but lost it. i then got back with my ex but am now so confused about who to be with.my ex promised to change but it didnt last long.the other guy treated me like a princess and he doesnt know im back with my ex.i dont know who to choose,my ex lives in my home town and makes it easier to stay near family and he's 10years older than me but the new guy is same age as me but immature for a 25 year old.i like being with both of them.but i feel guilty about leaving my ex again after the effort we have put in to make it work and me being his only chance at being a dad.but the new guy and me have all the time in the world to think about that stuff.i feel guilty that im going to end up hurting one of them
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Well, what you have written just reinforces my advice in the last message.
Yes, do find a councillor to work with on your fear of being alone, and don't make a choice on either of these men until you've started some serious work in therapy and made some progress.
After all, there really isn't a rush to decide, now is there? So start by being your own best friend and advocate and think about what is in your best interests! What advice would you give to another woman in your situation? Think about it: it might give you some starting points.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 February 2012):
Well, what you have written just reinforces my advice in the last message.
Yes, do find a councillor to work with on your fear of being alone, and don't make a choice on either of these men until you've started some serious work in therapy and made some progress.
After all, there really isn't a rush to decide, now is there? So start by being your own best friend and advocate and think about what is in your best interests! What advice would you give to another woman in your situation? Think about it: it might give you some starting points.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou i will definatly give the counciller a go.im afraid of being on my own because i neva have been on my own.even wen i left home at 16 i moved in with my ex.i hate being on my own and me and my mum have never seen eye to eye.i have spent quite a lot of time with the new guy i went down for 3 months had a job lined up as well.he's a stable person just about to join the met police so its not like he's unreliable but i need to make a choice before i get in too deep with my ex if i realize it's not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 February 2012):
I'm sorry, but before you can form a mature solid relationship with any man, you need to be able to be independent and stand on your own two feet, emotionally and financially. This is important!
Just WHY are you afraid to be on your own? what is it that scares you? Are you working and earning enough? What is it about moving back in with your Mother until you've saved enough to get your own place that makes you reluctant? Is it that you don't get on well with her?
And yes, moving to be with the new guy is definitely a step you should not take. He may be caring, and all that on visits, but that is not at all the same thing as living together. Don't do it!
You might consider first arranging a few sessions with a trusted counsellor to explore why you're afraid to be without either of these men, and avenues you can take to boost your self-confidence and independence.
I'm serious about telling you this!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is i love them both but cnt be without either i love the security of my ex cos he knows me but the with the new guy my future looks wonderful,secure and he's everything my ex isnt. he wants everything from life has a good job,worships the ground i walk on n would do anything for me.the problem is the new guy lives 190 miles away in london n i find it difficult to be trusting enough to move that far away on a chance its a happy ever after thing.i really do like the new guy but im not used to having an immature person in my life.me ex is so matute but i suppose being in his 30s helps.i just dnt no what to do im scared or being on my own and losing out on the chance with either of these men.i also dnt want to move back in with my mum.HELP
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 February 2012):
Right off the bat it sounds as if you should not be with either of them.
No need to feel guilty about leaving your ex, even if it is for the second time. It obviously wasn't working after seven years - or if it was working, you wouldn't have split up. Keep in mind that unless the problems that made you decide to leave him in the first place, have been resolved, they will only keep rearing their "ugly heads" again.......
As for the other man, who got you pregnant (yes, I know it takes two, but even so....) and is immature - he doesn't sound like much of a catch.
That's why you might want to consider ending it with both of them......
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