A
male
 ,
*reenman
writes:After my girlfriends mother passed away after a long illness my girlfriend starting pulling away from me and shutting me out. She said that she couldn't be responsible for my feelings\happiness and preferred to hang out with her friends as she didnt have to be concerned with their happiness. She then said that in some way she 'resented' me. Why? All i did was look after her and care for her.I am gutted as i thought i was there for her and didnt push her in any way. Eventually she finished it. Occasionally, we would go out after we split but only because i initiated contact. Now we have been apart(no contact) for 3 months as i decided to 'leave her alone'. I am gutted because it feels like she has just thrown me away like a piece of rubbish. I want her back so much. Is it me or has her grief changed her? How do i go about getting her back or shall i just walk away and what is all this ""she cant be responsible for my happiness" all about?Any advice appreciated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, greenman +, writes (8 March 2006):
greenman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Juliagulia, Willywombat..v.good advice. I totally understand the situation a bit better now as before as i was taking the rejection personally. It was tough as I had become invisible to her and I suppose i was feeling rejected whilst she was feeling pressured from me to where our relationship was headed. One more question.Is it worth me contacting her to be a friend, light, funny etc ( and I do really mean be a friend not just a way to get back in with her) or shall i just let it go and not contact her? Would a quick 'Hi' do any harm ?? thx
A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (6 March 2006):
 My dad passed away a few years ago and I was very depressed for about a year or more. I ditched my guy, too. Once you have lost someone who is such a fundamental part of you, everything else just falls by the wayside. I wasn't even sad when I broke up with him because every emotion was dwarfed by my grief over losing my father. There isn't much you can do, I am afraid. When someone is feeling that way, just doing simple things like dishes can be hard at times, let alone trying to be supportive of someone else. You have done nothing wrong, but she needs space and time to heal and probably doesn't have the energy to have a relationship right now. I know that may sound strange to you, but a person can only have so many emotions at one time and right now the only one she is really feeling is sadness for the loss of her mother. You never realize how much goes into a relationship until you are overwhelmed by grief and the smallest thing someone wants from you seems like a huge obstacle to overcome. Right now she is going through a period of selfishness and pure self-pity, which is normal. Just let it go and see what happens. Once she starts moving on from this, she may realize she pushed you away rather harshly and apologize and who knows what may happen then? Until then, find someone who can be emotionally available to you.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Your ex GF obviously felt unable to give you what you wanted or needed from the relationship whilst she was grieving for her mother. She felt under pressure and it looks like she just didnt want to have to be responsible for somebody else at a time when she was having difficulty in dealing with her own life. You will probably find that she sees you and your relationship as part of *the bad times* now, she watched her Mum die and she now wants to move on. She associates you with the pain and heartache of those times.
I am sorry to be harsh, but I think she told you as honestly as she could what she felt and I think that 3 months is a long time to still be obsessing about her. Yes I think you are right, her grief and the loss of her Mum has changed her. I think you should give this up as a lost cause and find somebody else to shower with your love and affection as you sound like a nice and caring kinda guy.
Good luck.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2006): Forget about it! Look for someone who actually cares and considers your feelings!
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