A
male
age
36-40,
*evin33
writes:Hey everyone, So I'm currently in a 5 year relationship and me and my girlfriend have been having some problems. Last night she told me that she loves me to death and cares for me yet maybe wants to see what else is out there. We are high school sweethearts and I was her first everything, and she was mine. I am now 23 and she is 21. I know we are still young but at the same time I don't feel as she does. Sometimes she wont call during arguments keeping me on edge on what shes going to do. It hurts knowing that I've done everything for her and care about her so much. It is definitely hard to find what we have and yet because she is given it all, she doesn't feel content. What should I do, I don;t want this to end, but the quote is "Sometimes you have to let her go, if she comes back then shes yours, if not then she was never yours" So I need to know if I have any hope here. 5 Years is a lot of amazing memories. And the problem is that I am not only losing her but her family as well. We are soo close. I dont want her getting hurt out there I know how some guys can be. If she does start dating I don't know if I can take her back knowing that she has been intimate with these guys especially if it was something so important and special between us. I'm definitely hurting and just need some advice, my gut tells me she will come back, but I know I cant wait like this. Thanks! Kevin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kevin33 +, writes (31 January 2009):
Kevin33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, thanks a lot for your help and advice, it means a lot. Reading it has definitely made me stronger and given me a new viewpoint on the situation. Its great to have people show an interest in helping another. Thanks again.Kevin.
A
male
reader, cdjudd  +, writes (28 January 2009):
Man, I was in your shoes about a month ago. I spent 4 years with her and then one day it all changed. The best thing to do is seperate yourself until you have a picture perfect understanding of this. It will not be easy but you need the clarity to see this for what it is. I would never be with someone for 5 years then pull this. It made me question it aswell when she was talking about seperation. I hope this helps you out. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 This is an awful situation for you to be in and I really feel for you. This is pretty common for couples when they have been together for so long and when you were each other's "firsts", but you shouldnt think of this as accpetable behaviour. She clearly has got the "grass is greener on the other side" idea in her head, and I'm pretty sure if she ended it with you she will be bitterly dissapointed that there is no-one better. But if she has got this into her head, it wont go away any time soon. I think you need to let her go I'm afraid, you need to let her go. She wants to get out there and experiment, if she loved you she wouldnt do this to you. Basically what she wants to happen is for her to be single for a couple of months, sleep around and then have you waiting around for her when she is done.Do you want to be that guy who is the back up option for a girl who is just a bit tired of being in a relationship? You deserve more than this, you have put 5 years into this for her to turn around and want to see what else is out there? I can understand that right now you love her to bits and cant even imagine your life without her but she has been happy to think about her life without you. You cant sustain a relationship where one person has stronger feelings than the other.You need to tell her that if she wants to go off and see what else is out there then it is over for good and you no longer will be in her life. It will then be up to her - you will see her true colours. Hopefully she will realise that you are too important to let go of and then forget all this business.But if not, then yes, the next few months will be the worst of your life. Everything will be pretty rubbish but believe me, you will come out of the other side a better person and knowing that you deserve better.Good luck and stay strong!
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (28 January 2009):
Your story is one that I wish everyone who is young and wanting to get married, would read.
I realize that you love her and want to protect her from what's out there, but maybe it's those bumps and bruises that is what she needs to realize what it is that the two of you have.
There really is nothing that you can do, other than just let her go. If it's not now, she will again in the future go through these feelings.
After she's done looking about, and seeing what else is out there. You may very well have moved on to someone who is ready to be in a committed relationship.
Do not allow yourself to be her safety net! Meaning, when she goes, don't tell her "I'll be here for you". She may tend to start dating someone, and when that doesn't work out, she'll come back to you. That will last until she decides to go out with another. At some point, you will have to put your foot down and say enough is enough!
That is unless you want to be a door mat!
On the flip side, If/ when she does come back around, assuming that you are still available. You must make certain that she is honest and sincere that it is you that she truly wants. The decision to take her back will be entirely yours. Don't just give in, at that point, she will need to prove her sincerity and worthiness. When you put your arms around her, and give her one of those big hugs, You'll know right then as to whether you want her back.
You'll either "FEEL IT" or you wont!
Best of wishes,
Joe~
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A
female
reader, masquerade711 +, writes (28 January 2009):
 To be honest, it sounds like she's getting bored. If her feelings are what they say they are, why in the world would she need to see what else is out there? Putting myself in her shoes, if I had a boyfriend of 5 years, I would either be more in love with him every day or completely bored out of my mind, but not both. I think the two of you need to have a good long talk about where you see this going. As in love with her as you may be, you deserve much better than a girl who expects you to wait around for her while she experiments. That's just not fair of her.
It's absolutely beautiful that you were each others' first time. Why she would want to ruin that, I have no idea, and I really feel for you. Definitely have a talk with her. I'll be praying for you both.
masq
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