A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this.But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be meeting at the weekend we arranged this on monday but I haven't heard from him since. I'm taking this to mean that he's changed his mind and that he doesn't want to meet me now. Am I jumping the gun here? If I'm honest I just want him to call me/check in with me even just a text from himI don't want to be sat around waiting for him when I could be doing other things though I would rather be seeing him
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 You've ended it? Good for you.
Yes, it is quite upsetting, but as you said, at least you won't have to put up with his nonsense any longer.
More power to you in eventually finding a man who will be attracted to you for the person you are, and will treat you with respect and affection. Such a one will not demand sex from you until you yourself are ready......relax now, enjoy being single, and when you do meet a nice guy, remember to take your time in getting to know him.....
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): “I feel relieved that I don't have to put up with this shit anymore I really liked him and thought he felt the same”
You still have to learn something from this which is why you think you actually like someone who put you through this shit? Focus on that and on your relief to be rid of him. This relationship was never more than him using you for sex and you letting him do that maybe because you brainwashed yourself into thinking you actually liked him. He clearly did not like you- he liked free sex without having to be even courteous which makes him a total pig.
You made the right decision !- just stick to it, he may be back when his realizes his free sex source(s) has dried up. Don't talk yourself into thinking you still like him again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): Losing interest? He hasn`t got any. This FWB thing starts with thinking you`re in control of the situation, but it`s only substituting acceptance of being used.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2011):
 Hugs for you OP this is one of the hardest things we do.... learning and growing and taking our lumps...
May you find someone that loves and adores you like you deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the replies I have ended it now and although I'm very upset (clearly I did care more than I realised) I feel relieved that I don't have to put up with this shit anymore I really liked him and thought he felt the same
Lesson learned
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): “Sex complicates and ruin relationships when it is not respected or valued.”
This is true, everyone needs to have this simple fact hammered into their brain from an early age. Learn this and you will not involve yourself in something like this again. Why would you rather be seeing him when you can be out there living your life for yourself with people who value you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): “He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this.”You're not ok with this or you wouldn't be asking this question here. FWB is like being an unpaid hooker. He is getting free sex without even being polite to you basically, he certainly doesn't care about your feelings one bit. Why on earth would you want to be a part of this?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 October 2011):
You don't get it. "Friends" it is not - I like Tisha-1's term "acquaintance with benefits", that's more accurate. You want him to be your friend, and he understands that, I'm sure. BUT that's not what HE wants.
What he wants is sex, period. You say you need the friends part; he doesn't. If you keep up with this man you'll be beating your head against a brick wall.
He is not going to give you what you want.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2011):
What CaringGuy said...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 October 2011):
OP, hate to put it so bluntly - but he's not in it for the friends, he's just in for the sex. You're looking for the wrong thing with the wrong man, and you're going to get hurt very quickly.
He's not interested in the friend part, and there's no way you'll get him to see it. If he was interested in the friend part, then you'd be friends.
Wrong man. I really, really suggest you end it now and find someone else who will match your criteria. You will NOT get what you're looking for with this man. At all. Never. Ever. Period.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 Again, it goes to expectations. He expects more of the 'wb' part, you want more emphasis on the 'f.' Men (and women, for that matter) are not mind-readers. Be clear what you expect of your 'f' part of the deal, that's not bullying, that's speaking up for what you want. If it drives him away, it'll be pretty clear that he was only in it for the 'wb' part. If he sticks around, that means he's okay with ramping up the 'f' part. (just to be clear: f = friend and wb = with benefits)
"George, I love what we have going on in the bedroom, but I have to say that I would like a bit more communication from you in between our meet ups. As we are FRIENDS with benefits, I'd like to see a bit more of the FRIENDS part of the deal. What do you think?"
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A
male
reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 You need to just walk away from this guy and find someone who deserves your time.
You are never going to get what you seek from this man, so just let him do his own thing.
I would advise that you just delete his number and let him fade from your memory. If he does text you, just ignore it.
This guy isn't meaning to play with your heart, he is merely just in it for the sex and could even be in a committed relationship with someone else and playing away with you. He is stopping you from being happy.
Move on and let him go. Spend time with your friends and just try to enjoy life.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
he only needs to contact you when he's ready to get laid.
that's what friends with benefits means. It's a nice way of saying "that person I'm not committed to that I don't have to pay to have sex with"
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A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 FWB arrangement does NOT lead to RELATIONSHIP. As everyone else said on here, It is FREE SEX. That's it. Really you are hardly even "friend status". Friends hang out and enjoy each others common interest. But obviously he's doesn't even care enough to reply to a message. Sex complicates and ruin relationships when it is not respected or valued. One should really think about the consequences when agreeing to this type of arrangement. You were "fine" with the physical aspect of the relationship so that's what you can expect. Don't expect a boyfriend or a casual conversation that doesn't pertain to sex. Stop planning your weekend and free time around him. If you want to find someone better, allow yourself that opportunity and go socialize. You are not his first choice, so don't make him yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies I understand what you're all saying. I am fine with fwb but I just don't think I can be that intimate with someone and then not bother with them for weeks.I don't need him to call me every night and whisper sweet nothings to me but fwb indicates friends wb you know? How do I get him to see that I need this part also?
I feel like I shouldn't have to state this and that it should be obvious to him and that I want him to text/call me b/c that's what he wants to do not b/c I bullied him into it
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2011):
You don't understand why you don't hear from him? He's more about the sex than about being a friend. He's more of an "Acquaintance with Benefits."
If you don't want to sit around waiting for him, make some plans with other people! If you want him to schedule with you in advance, train him now that you are not an instant-booty-call.
I think though that you need to realize you want more of a boyfriend than an AWB, which is what he is. His expectations about what you two mean to each other and yours are really miles apart. Be honest about that with yourself. It will save a lot of tears later.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (6 October 2011):
I'm afraid I have to agree with what Caring Guy and the anonymous female poster have told you.
He wants you for sex, period. That's why you got the impression he was "really into me."
He WAS - so that he could get you into bed. To spell it out even further, this means he will contact you ONLY when he wants your body. "Friends" - not really. "Benefits" - mainly on his side (unless you enjoy no-strings-attached sex, that is.)
If you want more, maybe you'd do better to ditch him, and try to meet someone who will enjoy your company and value you for your own sake, not just for sex.
If we had a dollar for every poster who writes and wants more from their FWB, we'd be rich by now!
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female
reader, KittieS +, writes (6 October 2011):
 A FWB doesn't check in, doesnt necessairly even give you notice as to when your meet, doesnt stick to "dates", doesnt call to see how your doing - that's a boyfriend.
You seem to want a boyfriend, get out before you get hurt!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): he will get in touch when he`s in need of relief so dont despair.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 October 2011):
I think you're starting to mix up what this man means to you. He's a FWB, not a boyfriend. He doesn't need to check in with you, he doesn't need to answer to you or anything like that. The point of a FWB is that you occasionally come together for sex and that's it.
I think you're staring to get a bit too involved with this guy. You're starting to wait around for him a bit too much.
This guy made it clear what you are to him - a bit of fun on the side. I'm afraid that's all. Maybe you're not as happy with this as you think, and that's why you're feeling this way. If you really want to be a FWB with this guy, then it'll be on his terms, when he wants, if he wants. If you can handle that, then keep going.
But I think in truth, that you want more than you're letting on. Perhaps you shouldn't be seeing this guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Don't meet him this weekend. When he asks why, tell him it's because he never confirmed it with you. This guy is basically getting free sex from you; it's not too much to expect that he return a text confirming plans.
That said... your statement that you'd rather be seeing him than doing anything else strikes me as a huge red flag. Do *not* get emotionally attached to this guy when it's pretty clear he wants you for sex only, if that. Best wishes
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