A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is a hard and kind of confussing situation for me and will take some time to explain... About 5 to 6 months ago i started to hang out with a good friend of mine alit more over at his house(just to let you know im 19). Right off the bat i could tell he was a real (with out sugar coating it) asshole. Then about 2 weeks into going over to his house his step mom(shes 23 and his dad is 40 and he got with her when she was 14-16, which i find to just be wrong in the first place), well call her stephanie, told my friend that she thought i was cute. Then one night when me and my friend stayed at thier house(they were in the process of moving so it was just us there), stephanie ended up staying awhile and we kissed... After that we started to text and i found out alot about how he treated her. She told me how she phisically, mentally, and emotionally abuses her, but she also said that it isn't as bad as it used to be(in my opionion no extent of abuse is acceptable in anyway, it was just how i was raised). I ended up leaving with them at thier new house staying with my friend" and saw alot of this abuse besides the phisical kind(even though now im guessing she was just hiding it from me). After about 5 months of leaving with them things changed. About a week ago, while my friend was at class(he has 4 boys, one is 12, 2 are twins at 11, and my friend who is also 19... And he has a daughter who is 14, all of whom are not from stephaine... They also have a daughter together who is 4 and they adopted stephaines two sister, 17 and 13(the 13 year old is mentally handicapped) from foster care) was at a college class he phisically abused her. As im sure as most cases of abuse he is very controlling and expects her to do whatever he wants, when ever he wants it... This all happened because before she got all the kids ready for school(while he laid in bed watchimg tv) he told her to make him breakfast when she got back from taking them to school. Well she forgot because she had to do abunch of stuff because they are moving once again. He came out and freaked out on her and told her to go talk to her outside. I tried to keep a close eye on them, but it was hard because hia aunt and mom where in the room with me. Then all of a sudden i heard a bang and he had her up against the front door choking her. I opened the door and said, direct quote," what the fuck are you doing" and he went into thier bedroom and shut the door. I told her i was going to call the police, but she told me that i can't and wouldn't let me take a picture of her neck(she told me that that was not even bad). His aunt and mom went around doing what they were doing before like nothing happened. I have no doubt that if i would not have opened the door and stopped it he would have seriously hurt her, or even more likely killed her. After awhile he came out of the room and called her into the garage and said he was sorry(which ive read is common with wife abuse). Before this he was telling her that i should move in with them when they move to help out with rent, but now he tells her that the house is not big enough(which really scares me alot). I told my moms boyfriend about us before this happened and said that he could help however he can( none of us have money for legal fees or rental cars to get her out of town, or anything.). Shes afraid alot that even if the cops do come and get him that it wont be for long and hes crazy enough to find her and just finish her... At this point im so scared for her life and her well being that if this happened to her again i probably wouldnt beable to control myself from hurting him to the point were he couldnt get to her again(not caring what happens to me because it would greatly approve the lifes of her and her daughter and sisters). If anyone knows away that i can get her out before this happens please help... Because i am not going to just give up on her and let this keep happening to her
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (4 March 2010):
Stop texting her. If he gets her phone records showing that you are getting cozy then you will put her in more danger. Just call the police anonymously as a neighbour or concerned workmate. At least if the cops pop round that might scare him into controlling his temper.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (4 March 2010):
 My mother died as a result of domestic violence. If you witness it again... CALL THE POLICE! End of discussion. Period.
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A
female
reader, smitheroon +, writes (4 March 2010):
 You're dealing with a violent person with emotional problems and a woman who is currently in a very scary victim situation. You're 19. You're living with them. I understand the drive to be her Superman here, but this is far too much to be in your hands. Let's remember something, if he's violent with her, he might end up being violent with you. YOU need to consider your physical safety first and you need to talk to the police about this situation after you have moved to a place where you won't be harmed.
You also need to realize that you are in no position to handle someone coming out of this relationship. This woman is going to need to either go to a woman's shelter or into hiding to protect herself and her children from this man. She's going to be emotionally crippled and struggling for quite some time. She is not going to need another man in her life right away, and clearly everyone involved has severe boundary issues and counseling would certainly benefit you as well.
All you can do is first put yourself in a safe position. Then contact the police with your statement of what you saw and leave this in their hands. They are trained to deal with violent offenders and help women like this escape the home and find safety. Lastly - you can't make her do anything. Sad to see, but many women never leave situations like this, especially if he's been grooming her since she was 14. Men in their thirties don't date young girls except for the control and manipulation.
Get out of this situation.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Please don't do anything stupid. He has no right in treating her like this but she has to make the decision to leave him all you can do is support her.
If you really feel like something has to be done call the police and tell them everything, that way you maybe taking the first step for her that she is too scared to take. If after that she still stays with him you should leave this situation as there is only so much you can help someone as they have to see things for themselves.
Whatever you do DO NOT do anything to him, who knows what could happen do you want to go to jail? NO!
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