A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen out with my friends at university, they have been leaving me out for months due to my depression. (Long story but basically they see me as a psycho). Anyway, we have all recently been on quite civil terms verging on friendship again until today when I got a text saying I have been homophobic towards one of them, which I most definetly havent considering i am bi-sexual myself. Anyway, I denied it and got called a lying cow-and yet again no one is my friend again. Now, this girl who I have apparently been homophobic towards was fine with me earlier today, she rang me and we were on the phone for 20 minutes chatting away saying how we would love to stay at one anothers over the summer. But then 3 hours later, even though I hadn't spoken to her since the call, i'm apparently a homophobic person. This has majorly upset me, when I asked what i have done/said they just said they'd seen messages. I have sat for the past hour going through texts/emails to see if maybe i had said anything over the last 6 months, and I hadnt. So I don't have a clue where these so called 'messages' have come from. When I text her again saying 'i thought we were friends' she replied saying 'obviously not'....then i said something along the lines of tell me what i have actually done, and its been a few hours and no reply. I have had a panic attack, shaking like mad, been sick, and my heart is pounding. I am now actually terrified to go back to uni (i have no way of avoiding this group of girls as i live with them). I emailed my lectuerer and my personal tutor telling them everything and asking if i could go for a university transfer, im still waiting for a reply. What should I do? I have no choice but to go back on Sunday as I have an exam and if I don't go i'll fail my whole year! :( Please help me. Thank you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I'm so proud of you! And your follow up made me very happy to see how you taking this.
Best of luck!! :) :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your kind comments, this has helped me calm down and realise that I am not in the wrong.
I have chosen to hopefully move uni's (if I will be accepted) if I am, I will be living at home with my parents as the uni i want to go to is only down the road from me. I would stay at the uni I am currently at, but I live with these girls and it's a small uni in a small town, everyone knows everyone. People who barely know me have turned against me, and I know no matter what this situation isn't going to get any better if I stay there.
I'm speaking to my Auntie tomorrow about the situation and how I can tell my parents, and hopefully gain my families support.
I will go to my exam on Monday, but I will have to get back to my house the night before due to my exam is early in the morning with no other way to get there. I will do as you say, and if they confront me just ignore them as there is no need to defend myself.
They still haven't got back to me with what i've supposedly done wrong so they must be lying.
They have made my health a million times worse, I can't sleep, eat, I have panic attacks, etc. Due to this, my revison for my exam basically isn't happening.
Just got to do 2 days, then I never ever have to see these people again. I know I can do this and your kindness and support means the world to me.
Wish me luck! x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Focus on yourself and YOUR education, SCREW EM! They seem like a bunch of drama mamma's who's got nothing better to do then cause trouble.
CONSENTRATE on your education. THERE will be other people then THEM to make friends with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): You deserve better than this... It seems like they want to just bring you down and make up nonsense to hurt you. So be the ultimate winner and ignore it. It will be tough, but you can do it, just keep going to uni, keep your head down and work. And then go to that exam, do not let these people ruin your future by intimidating you!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Eleanor Roosevelt.
Maybe you should consider moving away from these girls, this is an unhealthy environment for you. Get away from that situation. Do not change uni's if you can because that will be a much bigger change than just getting new flatmates.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (11 May 2011):
 These girls are catty idiots. They're playing high school games and for some reason like screwing with your head, guess they see you an easy target for your mental instability to begin with, I don't know, they're being immature and NOT friends, and they are distracting you from why you started at uni to begin with, to grow and become a successful woman. they're too busy spinning their webs to see this. avoid them (come home at hours when they're not home, stay with a different friend, etc) and keep it moving
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A
female
reader, Julie29 +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Sweetheart,you need to get these people out of your life and fast. For whatever reason they appear to think it's fun to gang up on you and bully you. Basically,they are scared of your depression simply because they refuse to educate themselves about it.
I'm not convinced that you transferring to another Uni would be the best option as that will create more stresses and strains for you and that will not help your already fragile health. Perhaps though it would be better to move to other accomodation that way you wont have to see very much of these girls.
As hard as it is try and stay strong, you are worth a million of each of those girls. With the right support from your tutors and counsellor you can get through your exam and the rest of the year.
Good Luck Xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 May 2011):
 I think I saw your earlier post. Your exams are coming up and you are stuck in this extremely unhappy place.
Right, two things, one, you have to decide if you want to pass your exams or deal with your fragile mental status first. Based on what you've written, I think you are in a bit of a crisis and need to speak to the school counselor. I am serious about this.
You're wasting study time going through old texts. It's pointless. You can look through them later AFTER the exams. Right now, it's a distraction, just as asking this quesiton is a distraction.
Do you want to pass these exams or not? Yes/I don't care I'm too upset
If yes, then figure out how you can remove the extraneous crap - go stay in a hotel and take the exam. Rent a caravan and live there and take the exam. Have someone drive you to the exam at oh dark early. Stop checking freaking answers on DearCupid and study or revise or whateve it is you need to do to GET THE GRADE AND THE EXAM ACCOMPLISHED.
If you are too upset to take the exam, then you need to get yourself in the best possible position to take them earlier rather than repeating the entire year. So get yourself organized and SORT IT OUT. Then you won't have to go back and face all your roommates, right?
Remove the stressor that is causing you to freak out right now, that seems to be your 'friendship' with these girls. Ignore them, ignore the living situation, go around that and TAKE THE EXAM. Or don't take the exam.
From what you've written about panic attacks and your situation, I think you need to be speaking to a counselor for help. It would be a great pity for you to lose a year's work due to generalized anxiety and some drama about 'friends.'
Look at this from this angle, ten years from now, it's unlikely that you will be friends with these girls. So what they think about you doesn't really matter much in the scope of your life. Failing the exams will set you back a year... I don't know what repercussions that will have for you, but you need to deal with what's going wrong for you right now and that sounds like your mental status/depression/anxiety. Get help for that and you'll be spending your time as an investment for your future. Okay?
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Forget about them then, you need to focus on passing your exams. As for them, you offered them friendship, you tried to be the best you could be and still they sought ways to try and break you down. They're bullies or fools and you don't need them. Good luck
I hope that helps.
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