A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I been married for 8 years and I just found out that my husband likes to watch porn videos. And I don't know what to do about it? When we are in bed together he aways claims he is too tired (for sex) and I don't know what to do. I asked him if he is happy with our sexual life and he said yes ... but I don't believe him no more. Please help me. What can I do?
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 This is the ever-lasting question of 'why do people watch porn?" Duh, because we have an insatiable curiosity to see if the grass is geener on the other side...I think it's just the simple answer of men like sex more than women do.. blame it on testosterone if you like but it's just the way things are. Deal with the facts or try to out pace yourself to "dry him out" whatever. he'll go back like a moth to a candle. Nature is nature.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): OP he's been watching these before you and through your entire relationship. Make no mistake that is the case because it is. So try not think this a new development and if you had a healthy sex life before then you can have it again, regardless of whether he watches porn or not.
He is happy with your sex life, he's the one who is refusing isn't he? so why wouldn't he be happy not having sex? It's you that's not happy with it and it's you that has to tell him that.
Porn is not the issue, the fact that he's not sexually satisfying you is. You need to make it very clear to him that you're not happy with it and that you want him start trying harder. If he is in fact masturbating porn and neglecting you that's not acceptable.
I use porn regularly but it has never affected my sex life, well okay there have been a couple of times when my girl said she was not in the mood, told me to go have a wank instead, then changed her mind. But other than that is doesn't.
He needs to step up and you have to tell him that it's becoming a problem for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Don't watch it with him - that's the last thing you should be doing. The issue here is he can watch porn but he's failing to get it up for you and that is a BIG PROBLEM! Get him to lay off the porn for a while so that he can naturally get excited by a real live woman!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Definite red flag here. I myself love porn however when it comes to a relationship, it goes away cause of the issues it can bring like illustrated here. You could try watching it with him and role play a bit however whats the guarantee he wont watch it while youre not around? Perhaps watching it with him may encourage his behavior and make him watch more. Thats a risk. I think youd be better off having him quit and spicing up your sex life instead. Ask him whatd he like? Avoid threesomes and all that group stuff... but talk about what youd both be willing to do for each other. For myself, I never run out of ideas lol.. im a pretty open guy but some men arent so things can be harder but maybe still achieved. Best on this.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (11 May 2011):
It's just an escape / fantasy for him. It is usually totally harmless.
How about you suggest you guys watch one together and act out what is going on? (prescreen to make sure you are comfortable)! It could spice things up and be fun.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): i wouldnt worry to much about it, it could be that maybe he isnt happy with his sex life and just wants to try new things or become more adventurous, maybe his kinks have changed or whatever, try seeing how you can become sexier or better in bed on other sites, or try new positions, or role play..
if it is that hes bored with his sex life then he is in the wrong. not you, as partners he should be open to you about that sort of stuff, write back x
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Personally, I feel that these types of things are relationship killers, and they need to end.
However, I also think talking to him first might be appropriate.
First, tell him that you want to be intimate, and tell him how you feel about the lack of sex.
If he decides to not respond in a positive way, ask why, and go from there.
Bottom line. If he does not do a 180 in that conversation, leave the relationship.
I know it seems harsh, but porn addiction is something that destroys relationships when it becomes a true addiction. The people that are porn addicts to the point where they choose their computer over their mates are selfish, and this is the first sign of that.
It is no different from the person, (barring pregnancy, disease, etc.) that totally lets themselves go, because they are in a relationship. It is selfish. They are selfish.
That is their true personality shining through.
Try to understand where he is coming from, but DO NOT put up with it.
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