A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am an attractive, quiet type and I am Indie...I have wild curly and can not stand to dress provocative or in loud colors. I do not have that Charlie Angel big hair nor own a pair of Audrey Hepburn (I think thats spelled corrrectly) glasses. Now, I would be out with my friends---who varie in lvls of beauty---and they get hit on. Unfortunately I hate to go out with girls now because of it...I an still "boy-crazy" and I am 22 y.o :'-(.I have seen girls (just random girls) who litterly stop traffic and guys just about get hit by cars trying to cross the street to get to themHow do they do this? I know they ALL are not "easy" in a negative sense (as my FATHER told me) and all of them do not dress provocatively.:-( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Its ok to hang around with friends that get hit on first as they often get the outgoing guy whose first goal is to see if he can get her into bed, so that could put you at an advantage with the quieter second guy. And those girls who can stop traffic, they are no different then you are, they just happen to get the attention of some immature guy who almost rammed his car up someones arse.
I think some of the problem may have more to do with yourself, for instance you mentioned you suffer from depression. Its possible that some of your issues/problems are occuring because your depression is affecting you in a negative way eg low self esteem, self worth etc rather then these things causing your depression..there is a difference and it is an important one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate everyone's answers :)...I will come back and reply more (I was restless because I had a nightmare, lol).
sugar sugar,
I understand what you are saying, I am different from a lot of people and I try not to be around people who I can not relate to. The problem is I get lonely and it becomes severe desperation...which makes me get myself in trouble (usu. sexually with a guy) or emotional disappointed (usu. with a friend).
Like the last guy I dated I found out was a felon. The next guy after him was a good guy but was not for me, he used to laugh at the music that I listen to and wanted me to change my hair (which I am NOT). :( Most of the "friends" I had I can only call associates and one in particular was to clingy. She wanted to be bestfriend before getting to really know me, I am quiet so I often times seem like I want to listen to someone's rants all day (I cant stand ppl who complain a lot). She emo/goth/....rocker-chick or so she claimed.
Thanks karmagonebad (I love your name btw 3) and cheysula.
To the anonymous poster, I do not think of myself negatively...it is just that I get really frustrated. If I could find good friends with the same interest I know that being in a relationship would not come to my mind at all. I never had a good friendship before either...I guess it is time I evolve out of my shy-shell??! *shrugs...sigh*
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Guys in general will go for who ever seems approachable most of the time. Sure, the sleazy, over confident guys will approach the hottest girl at the bar with a subtle pinch on the ass, but most guys won't.You mention you are indie, I think that is perhaps what limits you from the traffic stopping your friends seem to be doing. Dressing a certain way generally attracts like minded people, and inadvertently can rule out others.I think the best thing to do would be to make sure your social life includes more of the things you are interested in. Instead of going to any old club with your friends, go to an indie club that plays the music you love, not only will your look appeal to the guys there, you'll have much more fun discussing similar interests than you would fending off unoriginal pick up lines at another venue!I also think you should take care to make sure hooking up with guys isn't the focus of your social endeavours. Someone that's laughing and having fun with their friends is much more attractive than someone who is constantly scanning the room - not to say you do that, just some general advice!
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A
female
reader, karmagonebad +, writes (22 July 2009):
It's all about how you carry yourself...I learned that feeling sexy makes you sexy to others. Just be more confident. Walk slowly with your head up. When you enter a room stop and slowly glance from one end to the other. If you lock eyes with a guy give him a seductive or shy smile any glance downward while tilting your head towards your shoulder or look in a different area of the room. Glance back 3-5 seconds later...you should have him!!!
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A
female
reader, cheysula +, writes (22 July 2009):
My best friend complains about getting whistled at, honked at, stared at, come on to all the time, *none* of which has *ever* happened to me, so I totally understand your pain.Like someone else said, physical confidence and flirty body language is a big point.Here's something else to consider. Guys are human; they don't want to be rejected. They'll go for the girl they think they can get. Sad to say, if you're particularly smart and/or good-looking and/or have that 'good girl' manner, you will get hit on and asked to dance less, not more. In the meantime, you have to take the initiative.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Confidence and body language.
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