A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hi :)I'm 15 and i have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months.He is quite rude to most people and he is always really rude to some of my closest friends. He is always getting into arguments and insulting them, especially 'Amy'. Amy is quite a rude person anyway and she is always insulting everyone.It upsets me that they can't get along becase I love all my friends like siblings and I really really like my boyfriend. (I don't want to say I love him yet because it has been 3 months and I am only 15)None of my friends like him because he is so rude, but he makes me so happy and it really upsets me when they tell me they dont like him or tell me to dump him.What do I do? I don't want to have to choose between him and my friends and I have tried talking to them all but they don't want to be nice to him and he won't be nice back.I would be incredibly grateful for any help :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (11 February 2011):
 In that case, I think the best idea would be to sit them all down and have a conversation about it.
If they want you as s friend and if he wants you as a girlfriend they should be able to compromise to behave more maturely around eachother.
I think because you're all still quite young, ypu don't know how yet to deal with people you don't particular like but have to get on with.
When you enter the working world they will learn that you can't just have insulting conversations, it is silly and immature.
Sit them down and tell them how distressed you're feeling. If they are true friends, they will make an effort to not retaliate and be friendly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, he sort of teases them in a kinda harsh way and then they get really offended and insult him back and it ends up with them insulting each other really harshly.
I think it is just him being childish and them over-reacting which causes it all but it really upsets me that neither of them are even trying to get along.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (11 February 2011):
What exactly does he say to be rude?
Is he verbally aggressive to them or do they just not like his opinions and likes/dislikes? I.e. she says "I love Justin beiber" he says "I dont, his music is boring and too mainstream for me"
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 It is a tough situation and I agree that you need to talk to him and find out why he is rude to them and why they don't like him. It only really takes one side to be accepting for the other side to get better and they both should be willing to do that for you.
I still say that friends come first but true friends would have been there for you when you needed them so it's not so clear. Maybe try talking to someone who you know but who isn't directly involved in this, like friend who is not as close that way you can get an opinion from someone who sees everything and who isn't really biased.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Maybe you need to talk to him? Tell him that it hurts YOUR feelings when he isn't even trying to be friendly to your friends?
It's about respect. He needs to respect your friends and they in turn needs to respect you, your choice and him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you. But I really like this guy and recently I have been going through a rough patch and I have been really depressed and he has been the only who got me through. My 'friends' just dismissed it and told me I was being silly, so I don't want to dump him after he has been there for me when they haven't. Also,I dont think he is really rude, he is just a bit immature and my friends react badly to that. Thank you, and furthur advice would be great, I am getting really upset about this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2011):
Boyfriends come and go.. REAL friends are forever.
He doesn't sound like a keeper, if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Ditch the rude guy, but not because your friends say so ( Amy is rude and verbally aggressive too ) - because he is rude ! Never too early to apply a "no rude dudes " policy,and to refuse associating with rude people. He is nice to you now, because it's only 3 months you are dating and it's still the honeymoon phase -but wait and see. Pretty soon he'll begin treating you too like crap. Rude people have a problem with sensitivity, respect and healthy boundaries, and that makes them not the best mates to say the least. Of course it can be, at his age, that this is just a bit of juvenile attitude which he can shed if he wants. But if he does not want to change, show him the door.
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A
male
reader, 1000lies1000sorrys +, writes (10 February 2011):
 well id tell your friends that if they dont like that your going out with him then thats too bad.
p.s. good luck and if you want anymore advise you can talk to me because i have had the samething happen to me about 5 times.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (10 February 2011):
I had this problem with one of my ex's who was very rude to my friends. She would treat them and their homes terribly and I was too blind to see it at the time. My advice to you is stick with your friends because they do know what they are talking about and I had wished that I did that months sooner then I did.
Boyfriends come and go. There is so little shance that he is the one but your friends are the people who will be there forever. Even after my friends put up with my ex and hated it they were still my friends in the end. What this means is that your friends will put up with him but it is your responsibilty to not make them do this and test the friendship before realizing that if he doesn't respect the people that you care about there is only so much respect he can have for you.
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