A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's this girl, whom I'm friends with. We're not best friends, but we do go out for coffee, we hang out with other friends, etc. I though she was so nice, and that she liked me also.Today she was with some people (who I also know). I said hello, and at that moment one of the guys who was there noticed that my friend had a chocolate bar on her purse. He jokingly said she'd have to share, she closed her back and said no. I joined the fun and said "heeey, is that what I think it is?"Before the girl could answer, the guy repeated "oh, come on, give me a bit".My ""friend"" said "not now". When she said this, I noticed she quickly glanced at me from the corner of her eye, then looked at my friend with a serious face. She kind of pointed me out with her eyes (it's kind of hard to explain).I noticed and said "sorry if I'm intruding" and left. Less than a minute after I had left, I noticed the guy was eating a piece of chocolate.And it hurt my feelings. I'm not a kind of girl who eats everyone's food! If people do offer, I accept if they have plenty of it. Plus, I accept one time, period. If someone has a whole bag of cookies, I'll eat one. ONLY ONE. If they have only two cookies, I'll decline the offer.Also, I always offer people my food, whether I have plenty or not. I offer to people I don't even know and I know I have offered her at least once.I didn't even ask in the first place and, to be honest, I wouldn't accept anyways.I've been obese since as long as I can remember, and even thought I lost over 90lbs (am at a healthy weight now), I still feel VERY self conscious about everything food/weight related.So this whole episode just made me feel like the group thinks of me as a fat slob who'll eat everything in sight.So.. Why was she so mean?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 I agree with the other ladies, I think she just wanted to avoid putting you in temptation . If you had all that extra weight on ( congratulations for having lost it ! ) it must also have been because of having had unhealthy eating habits or having chosen the wrong foods- habits that by now you have changed. I don't know if you have reached your weight goal or you are still working on it, either way , it is sooo damn easy to relapse , and ,a nibble here a bit there, to regain back some of the pounds that you have worked hard to loose. I think she just wanted to be nice, actually, and avoid that you had to say yes to chocolate and jeopardize your efforts, or say no and feel deprived while everybody else is indulging.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): I think it's a bit of what everyone else said
also, maybe she just wanted to share it with the guy. perhaps she has a crush on him or something? nothing personal, but it just wasn't for you, it was for her to get his attention longer. ... people can act like that towards their friends sometimes when they are trying to impress a person they like
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A
female
reader, Mysterium  +, writes (29 April 2013):
You know what, do not think of yourself as a fat slob. People tend to stereo-type fat people, and I dont understand why. If someone is fat must mean they are hungry all the time. No! So Please do not bother. Let people think whatever they want to. Some people can be insensitive and dont think before saying or acting a certain way. And I am sorry, I do not agree with the answers above me. Your friend is no one to decide how much or what you should eat or not. She didn't help you lose the weight, she didn't suggest it to you and she is definitely not your guardian, so she has no right over deciding what you should eat or not. She doesnt even know you that well! Please do not let such things bring you down. We all have those typical friends who think they know what they are doing. Take your life in your hands. Make your own decisions. Don't let a friend decide if you should eat, or make you feel like a fat slob.Just carry on with losing weight. It really is a confidence booster.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 April 2013):
 It actually sounded like she was being considerate of you instead of mean. What would have been mean is if she, knowing the sweat and toil it took you to lose 90 pounds (congratulations by the way! well done!), were to pull out the candy bar, take a slow bite in front of you, wave it under your nose going "mmmm you want it, don't you?" and then pass it around, effectively sabotaging your work.
Instead, she didn't want to make you feel bad, so she didn't want to pull it out in front of you. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.
She's not saying you are a slob. She's saying she didn't want to be one of those jerks who like to try and bring down a woman who's worked so hard and accomplished a lot by losing weight.
I feel bad for both of you, because I know how it looked for you, and it must seem like you can't win, even though you did so well and should hold your head up high! And I feel bad because she was trying to be sensitive to you, and ended up offending you inadvertently. I think she wasn't trying to be mean. Honest.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Maybe she knew how hard you worked to get the weight off to begin with and didn't want you to undo all the work you did. If you two are close and you value your relationship, I think you should sit down with her and ask her what the look was about. It could be you're just self-conscious and take anything that might be a suggestion to weight to heart, but it may be something totally different. get to the bottom of it with her and try to move forward based on what you learn. Like if she's just a bad person, then there's no need for that person in your life.
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