A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's my problem...i need to know how i can stop worrying about my past. Im 19 and in my second sexual relationship....i feel each to their own but my personal feel about sex is that it is something to be done with someone you love..i never had a problem in the beginning with my boyfriend (21) having more partners then me...as i said each to their own...but we have been together almost a year now and we are head over heels in love...only problem is the more i love him the More i feel sick thinking of him with other girls...im not talking about one or two...im talking about 30 girls..that could even be an understatement...but he is so good to me and reassures me when i get sad about it..this just makes me love him more and feel more sick picturing him with other girls...im afraid to know the real number...or the intricate details although i know some...and they are baaad...i just need to know how i can forget about his past..please hellppp!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Since I do not experience RJ in any way shape or form, I’m not good at this questions. I just want to ask you why having meaningless sex with sports groupies (who if he bought them dinner and/or drinks it means he paid for something) makes it “better” than prostitutes… that to me seems to be your implication and possibly DEAL BREAKER. Would sex with prostitutes be different than one night stands with sports groupies? Why or why not?
DO not ask the real number. Assume it’s over 100. Do not EVER ask the details. DO NOT ask how he felt. IN fact, DO NOT discuss it. IT’s over and done. NOTHING you talk about with him will make this better for you. I am not sure how to make it better for you. I am not sure why someone’s sexual past has any bearing on how they feel about their current partner.
What do you think his past is doing to your present? HOW is what he did before he even knew you relative to how you feel about him, how he currently treats you and what your future holds?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you may have mistaken my question...he is in no way with prostitutes..the reason he's had so many sex opportunitys is because he played for the Irish rugby team...but the reason im with him is because we love eachother...i waited before I had sex with him and we have an amazing relationship outside sex...for this reason I dont see me being jealous about his past to be enough to leave him I just want to try and accept it to make my life easier
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): You are going to have to get over the sex equals love feeling, it may be for you but not for him. For him, and most people eventually, sex is just something fun that two people can do together. Hopefully it's better if you are in love, but for people with a long history of sexual experience it is rarely a deep meaningful expression of feelings. In your boyfriends case he needs to do a lot more than have sex with you to prove he loves you. Maybe there is something missing in how he shows his love for you to be having these feelings. Maybe the hardest thing to get your head around is him having meaningless casual sex, or using prostitutes. Having sex with him doesn't mean you are special to him, but it doesn't mean you aren't either. If you want to keep your romantic meaning of sex, which I think is good and very valid, then you probably need to meet someone who shares them with you. Otherwise you are going to have to find a compromise, and having a few casual flings on the side may help. It did for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): you will never forget.ever.EVER.ok next step. Can you accept it? 10 years from now will you still be stressing about this?my fiance has been with 14..or 16 girls... i can't remember lol, and I have only ever been with him. Sometimes I do get jealous, but I've found that knowing the details makes those feelings go away. And this isn't for everyone, sometimes knowing the details makes things worse. But for me, it was the unknown I was jealous of, I was jealous of them doing things better than me in ways I could never even know. .... but when he'd explain to me a specific scenario that happened, it wasn't nearly as scary and jealousy-inducing. Sometimes just knowing what happened helps. Actually, some of the stories are hilarious, and so full of fail that it balances out the ones that I can tell really impacted him. Buuuut you guys are a year in, I wouldnt recommend talking about exes much yet and especially sex with exes unless you guys have amazing communication going on. However I would recommend that you do know the actual number if he is willing to tell you, it'll help you narrow down exactly what it is you're jealous about then be able to address it better.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (29 April 2013):
As long as he is devoted, dedicated and faithful, there is nothing to forget. All you can do is accept. That was then and this is now.
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