A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I have had a friends with benefits relationship for the past 6 months, and he said that he didn't really want to hookup anymore, and that he still loved his ex (He has had feelings for his ex the entire time we've been together. He's called things off between us twice and we always come back to each other). If he really didn't want to be doing this with me then he would completely stop and wouldn't keep starting things up again. Guys have self control and if they really don't want to do something then they won't.I asked him what his feelings for his ex has to do with me and our situation (meaning our FWB relationship). He said, I don't want to talk about it! I asked, You don't have feelings for me, right? He said, No. I don't understand why can't he tell me what his feelings for his ex has to do with me? Does he have feelings for me but doesn't want to tell me because it's supposed to be purely sexual? Is he confused about whether he wants me or his ex? (His ex told him that she doesn't want to be with him but he still has feelings for her)The guy and I are both in our twenties. So confused and need help understanding this situation!!! Thank you for your help.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 A couple of the aunts replied saying this guy was having his cake and eating it too. It seems to me that the person who posed the question is equally to blame. You can't just say that the guy only wants sex and she doesn't. You can't have the type of relationship you have and then try to make it something else. If you're looking for feelings, romance and a future, then don't minimize the relationship by labeling it "friends with benefit." It's a no strings attached type of thing. If you're not comfortable with that then perhaps you should avoid them. They are at best temporary.
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 I love your term friends with benefits - how polite - over here we call it fuck friends (lol), sorry, just a culture difference that made me smile. Sorry love but these whatever you call them relationships never last long. The guys really do just want a shag with someone different. They're not interested in your feelings, its not about that. You're just fitting the bill at the time. You must have known that when you got involved. But you see I don't believe us girls can be fuck friends for more than one fuck, cus after that we get emotionally involved. Its mother natures way of finding us a mate to take care of our offspring, cus that is really what fucking was intended for originally. Find yourslef someone for real. Give up pretending you can do this. Its not who you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): You wrote in the question 'I asked, You don't have feelings for me, right? He said, No.'
I'm not sure if you'd call it being pedantic, but if he answered 'no' to that exact question, it means that he DOES have feelings for you!
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