A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Firstly, i'm an introvert, so I tend to get annoyed pretty fast with someone's presence if they're always around. Secondly I tend to bottle up how I feel for the sake of being polite and swallow my dislike in order to put the other person's comfort before mine, until whatever issue I tried to make a non-issue gnaws at me. Thirdly, my friend is a good friend who buckles down and listens to me and supports me when I really need it but... I cannot take her talking about her sex life anymore. Too much information and detail is given and she tends to drone on, talking about the same subject or guy to the point where hanging with her really drains my energy. Besides that she is a lovely person.So, honestly, is the issue with me? Am i a shitty friend for wanting to tell her to not tell me about her sex life anymore? And how would I phrase that in an acceptable kind way?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I would simply just say to her you don't want to hear about her sex life. That is acceptable. I would feel the same As you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 November 2016):
 I feel your pain. I have a very similar friend who has been a rock for me in bad times but does insist on sharing far too much for my comfort level - everything from how frustrated she is that she hasn't had a boyfriend for a while, how she would have made the most of it last time she had sex if she had realized it would not happen again for a while, how she was thinking about hooking up with someone just to have sex, etc. FAR FAR TMI for me.
If you want to continue your friendship, which I assume you do, then you really need to have this conversation with her, otherwise you will end up doing like I have done and distancing yourself from your friend to save yourself the discomfort of listening to her.
Honeypie's suggested approach sounds spot on. Emphasise first that you love your friend dearly (which you do) and then go on to say that, for YOU, the sharing of that much information is really uncomfortable and you are struggling with it. Say you feel you had to speak out because you value her friendship and want to keep it, but you are struggling with the TMI side.
I hope your friend listens and you agree new boundaries between you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): I am a guy and to be honest I thought it was only a guy thing to discuss sexual escapades with their mates so I am a little surprised here to know that women did the same although personally I never discuss my partners with my even closest mates. But the same as you I do have friends who do that and frankly I hate it too because it makes me jealous. You just have to bear it and grin as I do or as honeypie suggested tell them you dont like it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Is it shitty of you to not want to hear THI details about her sex life?
NO, not at all.
What do you say?
You say:" Becky, I love you dearly, you are a super friend, but I really don't want to hear details about your sex life, it's just TMI for me."
It's quite normal for introverts to feel drained by people like "Becky" (your friend) because while they SHARE so much they don't understand that OVERSHARING is exhausting.
I'm like you, an introvert. I have a GREAT life-long friend who WAS just like yours. She would volunteer all kind of TMI information about her BF (who is also a friend of mine) and I HAD to tell her please don't. I don't WANT to know about your sex life. I LOVE to hear about you, but your sex life, no. And yes, she got a little miffed at first because she felt it was HER way of showing me just how much she trusted me, but she also understood that it was a topic we could EASILY skip.
She won't stop unless you talk about it. And HAVE that conversation in PERSON, not over the phone or text. That way there should be no misunderstandings.
And WHILE she shared this from a "loving and trusting" perspective, it IS OK to not want to hear it. Seriously.
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A
female
reader, Soup1129 +, writes (4 November 2016):
That's a tough one! I would bring it up but jokingly like laugh and she'll ask why you're laughing then say with a sigh "oh you just love to talk about this, you know you've already told me haha." I hear you though, it's annoying to hear your gf talk about the saaaaame thing. You're doing a great job listening to her though, that's why she's your friend!
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