A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel that I’ve been used recently by a friend and it’s really upset me. A few days ago I had arranged for my friend to come over to my house for a coffee (we usually meet up at 1 of our house 2 times a month). That morning she arrived with her 2 younger children (8 and 9) as she forgot that their school had a training day. After being at mine for around 40 minutes, she suddenly realized she had a couple of urgent errands to run and asked if she could leave her kids with me as she didn’t want to bring them back out in the cold and she’d be quicker without them.I told her it was fine but she needed to be back by 3pm as I had an appointment at 4pm. She assured me she’d only be gone around an hour- this was at 12.30pm.When she hadn’t got back by 2.30 I was starting to worry - she then finally texted me 15 minutes later to tell me she got caught up in traffic and queues and wouldn’t be back for another couple hours and then asked me to make her children lunch, which I did. I also ended up having to cancel my appointment and incurring a no show fee. She then finally got back to mine just gone 5pm. By this time I has 2 very bored and restless children (I had nothing to keep them entertained as I don’t have children and they didn’t bring anything with them). My friend didn’t apologize or anything!! What then upset me further was that I saw on Facebook that another of her friends had tagged her in to a coffee shop that day- so whilst I was looking after her kids she was meeting up with someone else!! I did text her asking about this and she says it wasn’t planned, they just happened to bump in to each other! I genuinely think she had planned the whole thing and used me as a free babysitter! She now keeps texting asking to meet up before Christmas but I really don’t want to meet up - in fact I really can’t be bothered with her anymore. Am I being too harsh?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 December 2022):
 Is she lying? 100%. Even if she "bumped into" the friend as she claims, she could have said "I can't stop. My friend is looking after my kids and I have to get back." She had the coffee date lined up, then got saddled with the kids because of the "training day". Instead of re-arranging the date with her other friend, she chose to dump the kids on you. Rather than running the risk of your refusing, she told multiple lies so that you could not say no.
What sort of a friend has she been in the past? Is this the first time she has pulled a stunt like this, or has she got "previous" for this sort of behaviour? Has she been there for you when YOU have needed a favour?
You are allowed to end a relationship at any time for any reason. However, if you are at all unsure whether you want to end things, I would have a telephone conversation with her and tell her you did not appreciate her using you in that way. If she sticks to her story about having "bumped into" her friend rather than it being planned, point out that her first priority should have been to get back in time for you to make your appointment. Admit to her that you feel you have been used and lied to. See what she has to say for herself. An apology should have been forthcoming at the very least but it appears she has no remorse over this.
How she reacts to being called out should give you a good indication whether this friendship is over.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): If you are not happy with this friendship on the whole then there is no point in keeping it. Just make a clean break, block her and if she ever asks you why tell her you have other plans and you are sorry you can't see her anymore for a while .
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (23 December 2022):
 This isn't a friend. This is a user. I would guess she had it all planned out, this wasn't a coincidence. She knew you would watch her children and wouldn't leave them to go to your appointment. She took advantage of you. I'm sorry. That's horrible. She should have offered to pay you for the no show fee, but to not even apologize? Rude and inconsiderate. I'd block her everywhere and not even give an explanation why. Friends don't treat friends how she treated you. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): No, you are not being too harsh. I'll give your friend the benefit of doubt , and accept that she had not planned to vanish leaving you stuck with her kids, but even so, she is inexcusable.First, you don't go on sudden errands while you are visiting somebody, -you do your errands before or you keep them for later .And most of all, if you have promised to be back by a certain time, you do not stop and have a chat or a coffee with people you met by chance- you tell these people, oh too bad , some other time, now I am just running errands and going back to get my kids right away.
Your so called friend is a rude, entitled oaf and if you demote her to "vague acquaintance " or even to " nothing at all" it's your gain.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 December 2022):
 You openly told her that you had an open appointment at 4pm and that she needed to get back for 3.
She may well have been stuck in traffic, but if you want my honest answer I think her planned meet up went on longer than expected.
She left her kids with you all that time, knowing that you don't have kids, and expecting you to entertain them all afternoon, OP this is not on.
At the very least she could have acknowledged that you missed your appointment and offered to help with the money you lost. And the fact she said nothing, not even an apology for your ruined afternoon say's what sort of person she is.
Are you being harsh for not wanting to meet up?. Absolutely not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 December 2022):
 "She now keeps texting asking to meet up before Christmas but I really don’t want to meet up - in fact I really can’t be bothered with her anymore. Am I being too harsh?"
No, you are not.
She ought to pay your cancellation fee. That was 100% on her.
However, that might be hard to get her to pay and she sounds like she is full of excuses.
She used you. And you FEEL used.
I would tell her that no, you don't want to meet up and you don't think that you two will have a friendship going forward because she took ADVANTAGE of you.
Trust me she PLANNED this. She didn't have any "urgent" errands, she had a "coffee date with friends!!
She KNEW that. She also KNEW that you would probably say yes to looking after the kids for a short time and then the whole "traffic excuse" came up. I'd call bullshit.
What do you get out of this friendship?
Was this a one-time thing or was this HER testing the waters for using you as a free babysitter in the future?
Personally, I wouldn't be OK with this either. Been there and done that too.
Use me once shame on you, use me more time and the shame is on me.
Or if you otherwise like this person, JUST refuse to watch her kids under any circumstances. If she all of a sudden has urgent things to do, well BRING your kids because I have plans.
What an entitled cow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2022): Only you know what kind of relationship you have.
I inherited a family friend's daughter. It took me 30 years to get rid of her narcissistic ass. I was among the people she used for all sorts of things. I was not in a group of her "fancy friends".
If she uses you in whatever department- it could be as a friend to vent or when she is bored or whatever then you need to ditch her.
She certainly doesn't care for you enough to show up on time for you to be able to go to your appointment. Honestly, I would have asked her to pay the no show fee.
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