A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel that I’ve been used recently by a friend and it’s really upset me. A few days ago I had arranged for my friend to come over to my house for a coffee (we usually meet up at 1 of our house 2 times a month). That morning she arrived with her 2 younger children (8 and 9) as she forgot that their school had a training day. After being at mine for around 40 minutes, she suddenly realized she had a couple of urgent errands to run and asked if she could leave her kids with me as she didn’t want to bring them back out in the cold and she’d be quicker without them.I told her it was fine but she needed to be back by 3pm as I had an appointment at 4pm. She assured me she’d only be gone around an hour- this was at 12.30pm.When she hadn’t got back by 2.30 I was starting to worry - she then finally texted me 15 minutes later to tell me she got caught up in traffic and queues and wouldn’t be back for another couple hours and then asked me to make her children lunch, which I did. I also ended up having to cancel my appointment and incurring a no show fee. She then finally got back to mine just gone 5pm. By this time I has 2 very bored and restless children (I had nothing to keep them entertained as I don’t have children and they didn’t bring anything with them). My friend didn’t apologize or anything!! What then upset me further was that I saw on Facebook that another of her friends had tagged her in to a coffee shop that day- so whilst I was looking after her kids she was meeting up with someone else!! I did text her asking about this and she says it wasn’t planned, they just happened to bump in to each other! I genuinely think she had planned the whole thing and used me as a free babysitter! She now keeps texting asking to meet up before Christmas but I really don’t want to meet up - in fact I really can’t be bothered with her anymore. Am I being too harsh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): She is unapologetic, and hasn't offered to compensate you for the missed-appointment fee. Girlfriend, you got played! Single-people, or people without children, don't deserve their freedom. They are considered selfish and void of real responsibilities; according to many who decide to have children. They don't deserve to have children when they have such a self-righteous mindset. Not all people want to be, or are cutout to be parents; and have the good-sense to realize it. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean you're good-parents; or that you are responsible.
I suggest you stop calling her a friend. If she persists with messages about meeting-up for Christmas, here's a suggestion.
Call her and tell her that you're placing the friendship on-hold; and for the time-being, consider herself on probation. You need time to get over the last incident she pulled. Keep it short. Don't over-emotionalize, or turn it into a tongue-lashing. Get straight to the point. If she persists with blowing-up your phone, warn her that if she continues; you will block her calls messages, until you are able to forgive her for "playing you" for a simpleton. You'll let the missed-appointment fee go. For the next year, you will not babysit for her voluntarily; or do it without payment, because she preferred deception over honesty.
Even if you end your friendship over this, still forgive her. It's not worth harboring resentment and holding yourself hostage to someone else's stupidity and egregious behavior. You can't trust people who lie and deceive you; they don't deserve the honor of being considered a friend. The incident she pulled was pretty complex and deceptive; not something you'd expect from someone who loves and respects you. You are single and without children, that doesn't make you subject to her ire or judgement. Having kids makes her a mom; but not better than you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): test
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): She should have apologised and been honest and offered top pay the no show fee. I would do the same as you. She is not a real friend, a liar and a user.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2022): Simple answer is no . Your not being harsh.
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