A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for 5 months now and he's absolutley perfect! except he is 8 years older than me. So we agreed that we won't become boyfriend and girlfriend because at the end of the day we want different things. He says he is so crazy about me but doesn't see a lasting relationship because of the age difference. But we are not seeing other people. My friend says he is only with me until he finds someone older. Am I being foolish and just risking getting hurt by being with him? Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OliviaAna  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Please use your common sense. You are being USED!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): He's told you the way it is from the beginning, how are you going to get hurt? I mean he told you you're never going to be boyfriend/girlfriend and he said the relationship isn't going to last. What part of that don't you understand?
You're only risking getting hurt if you're foolish enough to not listen to what he laid out at the beginning, he meant all that and that's the way it's going to be. He can be crazy about you all he wants because he already told you that it was just a casual fling.
You know for once in all my time here I'm actually advising someone to believe what their partner tells them. It's strange because this guy has been completely open and honest about this from start. The problem here is your problem if you want something more from him which he told you is never going to happen. The only way you're going to get hurt is by falling in love with him because he is just with you until someone better comes along, someone his own age he can have a relationship with. But you already know this because he told you.
He's not using you, you wanted this too, you agreed to the terms of this arrangement from the beginning so don't start to get annoyed because he's sticking to those terms when you were hoping he wouldn't. Well while you think he's perfect, he doesn't think you are. Because I'll tell you straight, my girlfriend was 19 when we started going out and I was 28, it was casual in the beginning but not once did I tell her we couldn't be anything more, we became boyfriend/girlfriend after a few months and are together 4 years now.
You see I was always easy going about it and so was she, we knew age would be a factor so we decided to try it out anyway and see what happened. We were both at different stages in our lives and we found some aspects of our relationship tough because of the age. Especially in the beginning, but we were both willing from the very beginning to give it a go, neither of us said it was going to be short term. We made a commitment to be a couple and we fought through the difficulties. Because we love each other.
You're guy isn't willing to do that, he told he wouldn't be, he told you it would be short term. It;s your own fault you didn't listen to him because he was telling you the truth. Age is a big deal but it's not something that can't be overcome.
I live with my girl now, 4 years after we got together and the age is no longer a factor, all the early difficulties have gone all our friends and family don't think anything of it, we're basically two arms on the same body.
You see age difference is tough, it can be very tough but if he was really crazy about you then he would have given it a go but he hasn't. He's only crazy about his young sexy flesh puppet. He's crazy about getting some tasty young ass until he sorts out a relationship with another girl. But you know all this because he told you that.
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A
female
reader, metalheadmom +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Yes you are being VERY foolish. He could dump you tomorrow or next week - who knows. When he does, there will be nothing you can do about it, because he did warn you that you are only temporary in his life.
Perfect? A guy who gets involved with me but is still out looking for someone else, is FAR from perfect. No matter how nice you think he is, he is a player. He is using you, and the worst thing about that, is you are LETTING him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Yes! Take what be says seriously! Men don't beat around the bush. He is telling you the truth. And he will end it leaving you heartbrken... don't let that happen. Men are simple people and mean what they say.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Yes, very foolish. He already put an expiration date on your 'relationship' by saying it won't last. If there's no future, why continue to see each other?
Your reasons for wanting to date him are obvious, you're emotionally attached at this point. There's nothing wrong with that, but over time that attachment will only grow stronger.
It sounds to me like he's seeing you because it's convenient, until someone better comes along. If he was really crazy about you, nothing would stop him from calling you his girlfriend. Not even the age difference.
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