A
female
age
30-35,
*averick494
writes:My 25 y/o cousin (I'll call him Tom) and his girlfriend had been trying to get a baby for a year now. Now you're not going to believe what comes next: yesterday she dropped the bomb on him: 1. she was pregnant and 2. She wanted to end the relationship with him and continue seeing the guy living at the end of the street, who is 32 years older than she is. Apparently she had been cheating on Tom for 2 months already. Then she left. Well, as you can imagine Tom was shocked and did not know what to do. For one, it's uncertain who the father of the baby is and right now he doesn't know if he wants to take responsibility for the baby if it turns out to be his. He's staying at my place at the moment because he doesn't want to be alone in the apartment they shared together. I don't really know what to tell him. I hate her for what she did to him and my first instinct says to burn all her stuff, place an anonymous call to the cops to tell them there are drugs/weapons stored at the place she's currently living. Also, I would not want to play daddy when it means having to keep that bitch in my life. But that's just me and I know this kind of childish stuff on my part is not particularly helpful. So I turn to you: how do you help/advise someone through this? He loved her with all his heart so this kind of betrayal cuts like a knife.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Get counseling for him, he also needs to get STD testing ASAP, and DNA testing of the child (it isn't fair to the child to dump it when it is born to this type of situation).
He also needs to understand that this isn't his fault or a reflection on him. This type of scenario usually plays out (very much younger woman with male old enough to be her father) because of mental health issues and childhood/adolescent traumas that haven't been dealt with.
Don't do the childish stuff. She probably needs psychiatric help and counseling in a big way.
BTW, many years ago, when I was young, a very hot woman my age wanted to have a relationship with me, but she was "separated" from her spouse. I declined, even though it went to the point where she was literally crawling on me, and she was really hot, because of the unresolved marriage issue (I just had to put that in because it boosts my ego). One of my friends whose gf lived with her asked me why I wouldn't date her and I told him that I didn't like "unfinished business". Well, that's what it was alright, really unfinished business, with her marriage, a 50 some year old man, and her childhood. To be blunt, she was a nutcase evolving and damaging everyone she touched.
I learned a lot about this later, in my professional work, and personal life, and your cousin really needs to understand that this "isn't him" or he will go crazier than she did. Don't be to hard on her without knowing the full story (you never will), because she isn't acting this out without cause.
He needs to get professional help, if he can, be forgiving and understanding, and strong as a horse to get through this.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 There's really no words of comfort you can offer in that situation. That's an extremely crap thing for her to do. But it's better that he know this now, instead of later done the road, getting married to a cheating woman who's child he probably didn't even father. It could always be much worse. Now, there's really no need to get even, it's between your cousin and his cheating now ex girlfriend. All you need to be right now, is a listener. If he needs to vent to you, that's all you do is be quiet, and let him talk.
Now, if she tries to come back into his life later down the road, say this other guy jets on her, she gets stupid and tries to demand back child support from your cousin. Hopefully, he's smart enough to demand a paternity test before shelling out some cash. Good riddance to her, time for your cousin to move on.
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