A
female
age
26-29,
*das2hearts
writes:My friend who's my age is having sex in a week w/ a guy who's not even her boyfriend (she doesn't have one). Basically, she's in love with this guy and he's a total player. He hooks up with anyone that has boobs and something to stick it in (yes, he's that bad). He knows she likes him, and he's manipulating her. So far, they've done everything but sex, and everyone knows that after he has sex with someone he loses contact with them completely. Everyone thinks he's an asshole but she really really loves him and it's gonna be her first time and they're not even together, he refuses to call her his girlfriend. He even refuses to at least go somewhere special for HER first time, theyre doing it in his CAR. I hate him so so much for acting like that and I'm trying to talk to her but she says she's TOO in love. What do i do?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Yikes, what an irresponsible girl...Not even at the legal age of consent. The deed is done, and looks like she's on cloud nine, but that will soon come to an end when she soon realizes she was nothing but a piece of rear. It's rather sad she hasn't learn her lessoned. I would be pissed too but again you tried your best there's nothing you can do if this is the path she is heading down. No use of condoms, I doubt if she's on birth control, she will eventually end up pregnant only a matter of time. Her life is her own, it's what she makes it. She doesn't seem to be a friend that you share the same values with. Now, do you want to be friends with someone who is that irresponsible and her morals are shot, not really setting a good example for you? Or take a break from your friendship, give her a little time to think of her actions...doubtful she will though, she's too young to understand or ignoring the consequences.
A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 Oh dear... well you tried your best, and i'm sure she'll appreciate that in the long run. She's an idiot not to get condoms though, if he's been about as much as you say theres a chance she could have caught something.
She will realise that he doesn't actually like her, she probably already does but even the smartest people ignore the obvious when boys are involved.
I think you've made your point, its completely up to you whether you feel like you should stay annoyed. Do you still want to be friends with her? If so, I think just be supportive for her, cos soon she's gonna have to accept she's done something pretty stupid.
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A
female
reader, gdas2hearts +, writes (13 October 2010):
gdas2hearts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell guys, she finally did it. And she SAYS she regrets it, but when i look in her eyes, i see absolutely no remorse. Even worse, he stops texting her like he used to and she still believes that he's secretly in love with her or whatever, and that he "won't leave her" even though after this year hes off to college. One thing she regrets? not wearing a condom. Yep. even after warning her to at least protect herself they don't buy condoms. I was super ticked off and eventually i just told her off. She then said, "you should be there for me as a friend, you should trust me"
what the hell!??
i replied, "You shouldve trusted me when i told you not to do it in the first place, with a guy who doesn't even like you enough to call you his girlfriend even AFTER you guys had sex, without a condom!" and what does she do after that?! she jokes that, "hey, at least i got my period so im not pregnant!"
am i overreacting or should i stay pissed?
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (17 September 2010):
 No problem. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs as long as it's not harming anyone, but clearly she's deluded in thinking having sex with him and is going to make him change and want to be with her. I can imagine how hard it must be to see all of this unfolding, but once everything falls apart, she's going to need you to be there.
Also, I've never considered the idea of 'just getting it overwith' healthy, and she really is only setting herself up for a lot of disappointment. Like I said, she'll just have to learn the hard way. It's really an unfortunate situation.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (17 September 2010):
Yeah, there isn't really much way of talking her out of this one, so your just gonna have to be supportive when the enevitable happens.
I had sort of the same thing with one of my friends (except they met on holiday, hadn't done anything and were planning on meeting up and getting a hotel room... she's a virgin)
Anyway when she told me I just flipped out and I think that affected her, because in the end she didnt go. One of the things I said is that your first time is awkward and painful, not something you want to have with a guy you want to impress! Maybe mention that but like I said its hard to change a girls mind! Good luck, keep us updated :)
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A
female
reader, gdas2hearts +, writes (17 September 2010):
gdas2hearts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys! she just called me now and i told her one last time that she's gonna get hurt but (as you probably already know) she didn't listen. Anyway, i told her if she's gonna ignore what I'm saying, I'm gonna be there for her, but she thinks he'll change... anyway! personal replies now lol:
Caringguy- trust me when I say witnessing whats she's doing, if anything is making me kind of scared of becoming like her as well if i fall in love. I feel like if he told her to kill herself (she was suicidal at one point in her life) she'd do it and that scares me. I will definetly be there for her but I'm scared that im not enough and hes the only one she will actually listen to. thank you for the advice :)
jules2000-that is exactly what's going on. I'm telling her to go on the pill but she's too young to get it still (they only give it to 17 and up at planned parenthood) I want her to get condoms and she says she wont do it w/o them but she also said she'd only allow kissing until they became official and that obviously hasnt happened. I just hate watching her do this to herself. But thank you :)
bookworm- Thats awful! did your friend have the baby? I mean, i know, all life is precious, but I would be hyperventilating if anything like that happened when i was twelve! I was willing to go get the condoms for her myself but she refuses in case "her parents find out". i hate knowing whats gonna happen even though she's blind to it! it sucks...I will definetely keep you updated either through this or PM :) thank you
xanthic- I totally agree with you. At some points she just sighs after saying shes in love and follows up with, "I also just wanna get it over with" I dont know maybe its my religion of "no sex till mariage" (im muslim/jewish) talking, but is that normal? I know she has absolutely no self esteem in herself at some points in her life, and it scares me if she's willing to give it all up to someones whose not even her boyfriend, what else will she do? thank you for the comforting words :)
tenisstar88- Yea, i agree i dont think I'll go through with the anon. tip because besides her and the guy, im the only one that knows, so she'd definetely realize it was me. And don't worry bout it! just bought like a six pack of Kleenex and we schedulled a sleepover to discuss afterwords. I guess there really is nothing i can do but support... thank you :)
Kirra07- hopefully she will....I mean maybe im just a prude...but Im so scared for her :/ anyways, thank you :)
All the advice was amazing...thank you :)
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (17 September 2010):
It sucks waiting for the train wreck that you know is going to happen and not being able to do anything about it. If she won't listen (and it sounds like she won't - people in love can be very dumb), then just wait. You learn best after getting hands on experience getting burned. Maybe next time she will listen to your advice.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 September 2010):
What a piece of crap. Honestly there's nothing you can do or say to make her change her mind..She's going to do what she wants. I'm a little afraid if you made an anonymous tip to her parents she will find it you did it thus jeopardizing your friendship. Just bite your tongue, have a box of tissues, and your phone right by you when she calls you bawling her eyes out wanting to come over because he used her and tossed her aside like yesterday's garbage. Be prepared for her to sleepover as well. I know it's like watching an accident waiting to happen you want to do something, but you are hands are tied you can't stop the inevitable.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (17 September 2010):
She's in lust, not love. You can't do much more than let her make her own mistakes. She's willingly letting him treat her like a piece of meat, probably because she's afraid standing up for herself will drive him away. It sounds like she's made up her mind and wants to go through with it anyway, regardless of what anyone else says. Hopefully she'll learn sex and love aren't the same thing and handle things differently in the future. No one can learn self-worth simply by being told to respect themselves, she needs to figure that out for herself.
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A
female
reader, bookworm +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Oh sweetie, I have watched my friends do this too... It sucks, trust me. If she isn't going to be talked out of it, at least make sure that they are safer. If you have to, buy her the condom. My friend almost got pregnant at 12. Another thing, try to convince her to make him go somewhere else. Tell her to drive his car if she has to. Or just try to get her to tell him that he doesnt get any, unless it is on her terms. If he is as horny as he seems, He'll at least go to her bedroom. If she goes through with it, she is going to get hurt, and she is going to need you. Just tell her that the only men she will ever need are Ben and Jerry. And make sure you have some for her when he breaks her heart. Some tissues would be good as well as a hug and a shoulder, and an ear. I hope I helped at least a little bit.. Tell me how it goes, please? I would like to know if it ends okay for her, unlike for my friends...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 September 2010):
Teenagers are prone to making stupid mistakes. And, in my experience, I'm afraid to say that teenage girls are more likely to make stupid mistakes when it comes to boys than the other way around. Yes, he's a player, yes he will use her, yes she will get hurt. You can do two things. Either sit there silently and just be there for when it goes wrong, or perhaps anonymously call her parents and tell them what you think she's up to. Maybe they can do something. But at the end of it, she will have to learn a lesson about men. Just make sure you learn from it too.
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