A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey agony aunts. I've been feeling really guilty lately because i don't know if i've cheated on my girlfriend or not. last week i was staying over at a friend's house. This is the first time i've ever dated a girl so i was worried about how to give her oral sex. My friend who is a guy said that he would show me how to do it. He performed oral sex on me and guided me through it so i knew exactly what he was doing. He had told me that the only reason he was giving me oral sex was so i knew what felt good. I only agreed to it so i would know how to please my girlfriend. The next day my friend admitted that he didn't do it to teach me but because he likes giving oral sex to women. I don't know how to feel about it because i feel like i've cheated but i know that i was honestly just trying to find out how to please her. Can anyone help me?
View related questions:
cheated on my girlfriend, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes you have cheated. I bet you feel stupid now don't you! Or maybe you just fancied some oral sex?
Next time you want to try something out,do it with your girlfriend and talk about it first if you need to. With her.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Yes it's cheating but you must know it already . I don't buy it that you really believed your male friend just wanted to teach you a new skill, and I don't buy it that you thought this was going to be an appropriate way of learning.
How can receiving oral teach you to GIVE oral ?
And why would you need to take tutorials from a stranger, when your gf could have guided you through the process as well, or better since she is the one that knows how she wants it done to her ?
So, this must be some bulls..it that you are telling us or yourself or both.
Or, if you really were in good faith- then you are too naive and clueless to go out without parental supervision no matter what's your age.
Or, if
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): I sense a fake post. I hate trolling.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Fake posts, happens frequently when everything is offered on a free basis, as it does with any service that's free, people abuse it. If a poster had pay something toward gaining advice, they might think twice about it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): To me, this is definitely cheating. It's similar to questions on virginity... everyone is different in their opinion on it, but I see it as rather black and white... anything sexual at all, and you don't qualify as true. If you came clean to your lady, it is possible she would differ from me, but I wouldn't see that as very likely.
-T.V.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Sorry, I just don't believe this. I don't believe anybody could be that naive.
Yet another fake post to stir the controversy pot, methinks.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Well, if you walked in on your gf and he was down on her and giving her oral, would you consider it cheating?
If he stood up and they both said "we were just figuring out how to better please you" would you feel better about it.
I'm sorry, but your explanation here doesn't pass the laugh test. Is this a real post or are you just trying to get everyone going?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Amazing question, and even more amazing that someone of 18-21 would need to ask if this was cheating, as most young people are pretty well informed about sex,as it's very much on their mind, topic of conversations etc..
To allow some guy ( friend or not) to perform oral sex on you, even if it had been for the reasons HE suggested. I wonder what you were doing with him alone long enough, to get yourself in this position, as if he were a platonic friend of some standing, not just someone you had met recently, you would already be aware of any 'crossing of boundaries' I do wonder with the topic of conversation, if there wasn't some flirting going on between you, as it's not exactly light hearted, non-controversial topic to share, and to go into such detail about.
Innocence only goes so far. And IF this is the first time you have dated a 'GIRL' then I presume by the content of your discussion with this boy, you have dated BOYS BEFORE, been sexually intimate with them, or are you saying you have never dated before this girl ever, rhetorical!
If you have dated boys before, as you don't indicate this is your first ever sexual experience, I fail to see how you would not consider this to be a provocative topic, and the guy may take this this discussion as a green-light, and may be a come-on...as obviously his suggestion was NOT met with a NO, I'm with someone, or, were not dating or in a relationship, I don't have casual sex with friends, so the FACT that you went with it, it was a green light, as you're not complaining he pushed for it, or you didn't really like the idea, you're just concerned with the consequences.
Dirtball and I think along the same lines!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): I'm afraid it was cheating. Whether he was 'teaching' you or not. Why couldn't he have just told you how to do it instead of acting it on you?
I'm sorry to say but just because you're a lesbian it doesn't mean it's okay for your straight BOY friend to perform oral sex on you. It's like me giving my friend who is a boy a blow job because I want to practice before I try it on my actual boyfriend.
You should tell your girlfriend about this and hopefully she will understand.
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (7 December 2010):
So this guy teaches his lesbian "friend" how to perform oral sex. Bet he loved that, definitely one to tell the guys. You ask how you should feel about what happened. naive is your answer!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Yeah you cheated and you let your friend use you. I could show you how to give good oral sex by using half an orange. Or just sending you some links to instruction videos.
I disagree with Dirtball your friend wasn't "slick" at all. I honestly know guys that have tried that and it never works for them, how you thought that would be okay is beyond me. I think maybe you're too trusting. Or maybe you haven't seen 'cruel intentions'. I mean it's like having a practice relationship with another person so you can be a good girlfriend to her in the future it makes no sense.
If you wanna know what you're friend was doing then watch cruel intentions or dangerous liaisons, it really is the oldest trick in the book but I really have never heard of it working on anyone above the age of 12.
Yes you cheated and you have no excuse for it, if you wanted to give good head and learn, then your girlfriend would have gladly shown you. Instead you've gone ahead and cheated on her. How can she trust you not to do something like this again? You should have been okay to talk to her about it but instead you went off and got with someone else.
Dump your friend and tell your girl what happened.
Here's a couple of movies you need to watch, you seem to not know what is and is not okay to do. These movies will teach you the basics, but really this stuff should all be assumed. Cruel intentions (great for learning how manipulators like your "friend" work) Chasing Amy (an intelligent relationship movie filled with mistakes and assumptions and the consequences of making them, also deals with themes of a girl having both hetero/homosexual relationships)
Seriously watch those and do some reading of relationships, read some Jane Austin books, they have some great themes and will give you a better insight into the intricacies of relationships. You made one huge mistake through inexperience. You will make many more if you don't do a bit of research, you're very open to getting used and abused by not knowing these things too. Please don't take offence but what you did was exceptionally naive (are you really the age you say you are?) and if you want to maintain good healthy relationships then you'll do a bit research on the topic instead of learning the hard way.
The most important thing you should learn though is not to trust that "friend" ever again he did a horrible thing to you, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Ditch him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Yes, it was cheating. At the very least it was very inappropriate.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Yup, that's called cheating alright.
Time for a life lesson. The only person who can tell you how to please your partner is your partner. What works on you might not work on her. Only she can guide you in how to give proper oral to her.
Your "friend" was slick. Nice line he used there. At least he admitted his true intentions. Now it's time for you to admit yours. You wanted him to give you oral for some reason. Curiousity, you were horny, he was cute, you like him, you wanted to learn how... Any and all of these likely.
Time to confess and ask for forgiveness. Your GF deserves to know the truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 It was cheating, and your friend is a bad friend to you because he only used you.
A good rule to keep in mind is that if it's something you wouldn't want to share with your partner, then you shouldn't do it!!
But, it is your first relationship, and you were naive and were taken advantage of. Tell your girlfriend and I hope you can work through it and talk about boundaries and where the line goes. Each couple should talk about what they feel comfortable with the other doing, as some will find certain actions hurtful, while others have a more liberal and open idea of what you can and can't do while in a relationship.
Talk to your girlfriend about this.
...............................
|
