A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello thanks in advance to anyone who can help me out with this. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. I am 21, she is 22. It started off rocky, basically we wernt really "dating" and she took 4 months to choose between me and her ex-boyfriend. I had never had a serious relationship before, and this hurt worse than anythin I had experianced before. This kind of changed my whole outlook on girls and dating. I no longer view love with the rose-tinted glasses I had when I was a teenager. She ultimatly chose me, and by this time, although I was extremely happy to be with her, and she was very in love with me, we had been "together" long enough so that the feelings were no longer new or exciting. I never realy got to have the "new, exciting" passion with her because it was ruined by our vicious start. On the surface there is no problem now. She is the sweetest, kindest girl and she is so in love with me. I love her very much, but I feel like i want to break up with her. It kills me because there are so many oppurtunites with other girls I am missing, and I feel like I need to experiance more. There are girls I find more interesting, attractive, and who could be more compatible with me. Thinking about being single makes me feel the way I used to when I thought about dating and girls in general. However my girlfriend is my first love, and I fought so hard to be with her. And I care about her so much, I feel like I could never break up with her. I dont think I was ready for such a serious relationship in the first place, but now I cant get out of it. I'm so attached to her, it would hurt me just as m uch as it would hurt her to break up... but Icant stop thinking about how great it would be to be single and live my life for myself once again. What should I do and how should I do it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (26 August 2007):
Seems to be a common theme now. We always want more. More money, more space, more passion. It is never enough.
You no longer look at love through that rose tinted glass, but part of you still thinks it is out there somewhere. You were fighting so hard and now it isn't matching that teenage Romeo and Juliet romance and you are bored.
You love each other, so I don't think it would be wise to break up. But since you had that rocky start, could you discuss that with her and figure out a way to make it new and exciting? I wouldn't put it in those words though in case she thinks you're trying to tell her she is old and boring, but do something that makes it seem new in the way you two didn't get to do? Some sort of new beginning that captures all of the anticipation and passion new couples tend to enjoy?
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 August 2007):
 Hi
It sucks doesnt it when you are with someone but wonder what it will be like having some freedom to experiment!
That was the main reason i split from my childrens dad in the end after 9 years. I dont regret it, and everyone is happy. But do you know, between 18 months and 2 years, that honeymoon period does usually wear off and you go through a transition. How you deal with that depends on lots of things, your age, experiences of life, have you achieved all you wanted to by now? etc etc and you can settle into something more 'comfortable' in terms of your relationship. If you haven't had another serious relationship before, it might be that you do need to meet more girls, go out with the lads, be a bit of a free spirit for a while?
Its a toughie because it sounds like you have a lot of feelings for your girl. BUT whats the alternative here, sometimes you do have to put number one first. But it sounds like you are a decent guy and will carry guilt. Its ok to think of what you want sometimes, atleast you're not doing things behind her back!
Obviously only you can decide where to go from here, but it might help if you get a few opinions as to why you are having these feelings now.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (26 August 2007):
Well you have to choose. You can't have her, be attached to her, and never want to break up with her, yet want to explore the bounds of opportunities you feel you are missing. That's not fair to her. So don't try to do both.First, make the decision, seriously. I think you all ready have but you can't be afraid to let go especially if you're serious about meeting new people. Second, figure out how you're going to break up with her should you feel that that's what you ultimately want. *She will cry, but if you want to venture out, do not give in and say to yourself, "aww I can't leave her, she's crying.." If the girl is really in to you, she's going to cry. All girls cry. *When she asks why, tell her that you feel things are getting too serious for you. Put it on your own words, but don't say, "I just want to get with other girls who are more attractive and interesting," unless you're a jerk.*Dont tell her that it's you, when it's really her. Don't tell her it's her either. Avoid those lines at all costs.*Don't bash her, although she may throw some harsh words out at you. Take it like a man though, and let her get it out. *Don't tell her, "baby, we can get back together one day... we're meant to be." That's BS, and what if you don't want to be with her again, but since you said that, she has approached you some time in the future?*Do NOT break up with her over a phone, computer, around your friends, her friends, etc. Face to face in a calming environment is the best, yet worst (because you see each other in a vulnerable state), but most respectable way to end a relationship. If you can't handle face to face, i don't know what to tell you. *Try to be as civil as possible*End the relationship. That means, don't call her, don't answer her calls, don't contact her period. Unless it's like a special holidy or something, just avoid each other. You both will need time to heal and move onward. You can't move foward if you are still talking to eachother like all the time. Should you find that you sewing your wild oats wasn't as great as it seems, it's best not to go back to her (baby I made a mistake... I was weak... I didn't really know how much I loved you...); however, how realistic is that when most guys always come crawling back. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): I think the fact that she made you wait probably subconsciously killed the initial passion that you felt for her (and who can blame you?). But you continued with the pursuit just for the challenge. But once the passion was lost and the challenge won you have nothing left but to feel what you feel. So what you thought was love (which intially it was) turned into simply just a challenge. And not getting what you want when you want it or at least that phase when you are in limbo can often be confused for something more.When you truly fall in love with somebody the feeling is always mutual. That is what makes love unique. Had she known from the first instant that she met you that you were the one, perhaps you would not be feeling this way right now. But that is not what happened. And I think that killed it for you. All I can say is that it is not fair to either of you to continue like this if deep down one of you is not really happy or completely fulfilled. I know you don't want to hurt her but it sounds like it is going to happen sooner or later.
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