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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 24 and my fiance is 28. He has delayed our wedding until I become clinically obese.He said to me that he wants a clinically obese bride (me) at our wedding.I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail. What is going on with him? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IAmPhil  +, writes (2 June 2010):
I believe that your fiance doesn't realize what his sexual fantasy may do to your love. Love is more important than sex. Sex is a bonus! He's being a little bit too honest with you about his sex fantasy- and he probably doesn't realize that what he's saying is very ugly and that he has let his sexual desires take away the meaning of love and marriage. I hope that your fiance realizes his wrongs- and that you both see what is right.
A
male
reader, Mike90degrees  +, writes (27 May 2008):
Hey!
If I were you, I would not put my health at risk! Please don't fatten yourself up to please someone else. This man should love you the way you are... He should not try and change you. Be yourself. If he doesn't like it, he can lump it because there will be someone out there for you!
Stay beautiful! ;-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Honey, who are you with that would want you to do this? It doesn't matter how long you have been with or have known this person, he is demanding that you put your health and life at risk!!! Think about the life that you are getting in to by feeding into this!
You get this one life - cherish it - cherish you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Don't do what doesn't come naturally. Otherwise you'll make yourself sick. But if gaining weight comes without trying, then by all means. A woman who is naturally fat is one of the finest things on this earth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): There could be another reason as to why he wants to "fatten" you up. Perhaps he thinks that if he has a woman that is willing to get fat for him and actually does do it for him, that he will be able to control you even more so. He's guaranteeing that he will have a woman that will do anything for him to please him, that no other man will find you attractive, your self-esteem will be at an all time low and you will figure that you are so fat that no one (not even yourself) will love you so by golly, you better do what he says or he'll leave you. No one is worth sacrificing your mental, emotional and physical health. Shame on him for asking you to change and shame on you for even "thinking" about doing what he asks!!!
When I was younger, thinner and quite the bar-hopper, I would see many of my male friends make bets between themselves to see who can "bed" the fatty. The bet was hardly a challenge to them because the women had such low self-esteem they figured that Mr. Right Now was all that she was good for. She was willing to let herself be abused just to have a few fleeting moments of her twisted idea of "love".
When I was growing up my step-grandmother fell into this trap. In the end of her life she weighed 485 pounds and wished for death everyday. Everyday that I was at her home I would see the abuses that step-grandpa would do to her. He was always calling her names and was screwing around with younger yet thinner women. He surely was a sick, SICK man!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): Get rid of him!!!!!! or at the very least give him an opportunity to get his mind right & if he doesn't,then get rid of him. Here is why: When God created us, he set up the only laws of love that work. One of those principles is that one is never to force his or her will on anyone else. You can ask or have a preference but you do not co-erce, manipulate, blackmail etc to get your way, this is selfish & it is not in the category of love at all. Our creator is the only one that would even have a right to do this because he knows what is right & best & he never withholds anything that is in our best interest, yet even he will not take away a gift he gave us called free choice even when it is wrong.
Marriage can be a challenge for couples who understand these principles I would hate to think of how yours would go if that is not understood. Of course there are many couples married & together under these circumstances as long as one is boss & the other is a slave. God never intended marriage to be this way & it dishonors him to control another in the name of love.
As far as opinions of what is normal weight & the specifics
of his views, I don't agree with his thinking at all but
that isn't the real issue here.
God bless you & look to the creator for answers, he knows
them all!
Taught from above
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Any man that puts his sick 'feeder' fetishes before the happiness and health of the woman he loves, he sure ain't worth anything. Kick him to he curb because he is sooooooooo wrong for you!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Honey, that's the most ridiculus thing I have ever heard. Is he crazy? I would move on and quick. Don't waste your time on someone who wants to change you. Remember that your beautiful the way you are and if he can't except you the way you are, then you deserve better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Perhaps he wants to fatten you up for the kill as if you were a pig! How gross! Tell him to get lost!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Dont gain weight if you dont want to, if he realy loves you he wont care what your weight is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): youve tried talking hes just got a fettish for huge people so dont let it be you he makes huge
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): tell him to get lost,why put your health at risk so he can control you? thats what its about control, he is a whimp
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): My husband did the same to me, we have been married for 12 years now, I am well over 400 lbs and happy. Some guys like obese women and trust me honey, they REALLY like us.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): What's wrong with an obese bride. I married an obese woman. She was well over 400lbs when we were married 11 years ago and is about 150lbs heavier today. Some guys just like big fat women.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Hi there
have just read your entry on this website and wondered if you might like to speak to a top UK glossy magazine about it? We are looking for women who have felt pressurised into putting on weight and it sounds like you certainly have been in that position. We will pay a large fee. Please contact me on the email below. Thanks
[email address blocked]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006): dump him!!!!! he sounds ridiculous and he should love you no matter what.....you should be marrying someone for who they are not what they look like. Theres plenty of fish in the sea....i suggest you go fishing!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2006): he is a mental case get away from him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): Before responding, I must first ask a question. How much do you weigh? If you have an eating disorder or are severely underweight, good for him for putting your health above his happiness. (Note: He probably doesn't ACTUALLY mean that he wants you to be clinically obese, just a healthy weight if this is the case.) If this weight gain demand is for more selfish reasons, however, you should probably reconsider the relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2006): Get rid of him. He is a nutcase with a whole set of problems that he is trying to foist on you. What man would to make someone he 'loves' destroy her body to gratify some bizarre sexual fantasy? He sounds like he needs help.
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A
male
reader, andy25 +, writes (31 October 2005):
Hiya, I don't think you want to be getting married to this man to be honest. He's putting your health risks before your own happiness, i'd say ditch him! I don't know if you know The Trisha Goddard Show on FIVE but if you want some help in making your decision, you're very welcome to come on the programme and talk to us about your situation. If you are in the UK, my number is 01603 281 032, Andy
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A
reader, schlottjl +, writes (18 September 2005):
 Technically, 25 to 30 pounds (in the US) is obese and that is easy. 5ft 2? obese at about 125lbs at 5'5" approximately 140lbs....
but wait those are the unhealthy 60's and 70's standards.
Moreover, he wants you sick and dying young? And you are upset this guy who doesn't see you at all but is in love with a messed up notion instead? What does it matter, in my opinion, this marriage is doomed to failure early. Whether it is heart failure to prove you loved him to death or because you get lonely with a man who is so shallow, it will end early. He is much too immature to be ready for such a life long commitment. Maybe he knows this and is hedging his bets by asking you to shorten your life for a wedding that lasts about 4 hours. Wow.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (18 September 2005):
At twenty four
He wants you to be his faithful wife
He wants to fatten you up for the ceromony
He wants you
To get even fatter
You are giving it some thought
You can always eat while you are deciding
You can always go on a diet after the big day.
And if he doesn't like it well
You can always turn your dress
Into a parachute and
Jump out of an aeroplane
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A
reader, pops +, writes (18 September 2005):
Get away from this guy as fast as you can. Ruining your health just to get married is just slow suicide? Is he taking out a big life insurance policy on you? End the marriage plans, and say good bye to this nut. He needs serious professional help. And you need a new boyfriend.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 September 2005):
 This guy needs help!! and fast!! Dont let his sick demands drag you down. It seems so surreal that someone would only marry a woman he 'loves' only if she gets clinically obese, that I cant seem to find an explanation for his action I have to say its because he doesnt really love you and is trying to prolong the wedding. Perhaps he knows deep down this is not going to happen over a period of a month or two so is in a way, giving him time to drag this to a later date. I say you've got yourself a problematic guy. If I were you, Id kick him to the curb faster than he can say bye!! I suggest you find yourself a better guy (dont mean to be mean but by the sounds of it, anyone beats your fiance) and start indulging in a healthier relationship. Sorry for the harsh advice but I strongly feel against what he's telling you! Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2005): Think again about marrying this man. Telling you he wants you get obese is only in his best interest, likely because he's a fat admirer but he's coercing you into gaining weight, which is very unhealthy for you. That isn't love and respect, in my books. He should take you as is and love you for who you are on the inside. While some men do take pleasure and enjoy the company of an amply curved woman, there are men who take things to dangerous extremes and they are called 'feeders', as the previous reader mentioned. So-called Feeders are accused of behaviour that crosses the boundary from consent to abuse. These men aren't satisfied with a merely big partner, but encourage and even coerce their woman to gain weight to the point where the women get soo morbidly obese and immobile that they risk their lives. It becomes an obsession for many men and the heavier woman usally allows this, in order to keep her man happy and with her. But the fatter these women get, the more dependent they become, relying on the men to wash them, move them and feed them. It's all about control and dominance, hun-the sad dynamics of any abusive relationship. Find out what is going on in his head.
He could be just a "fat admirer" but I suggest getting into couple counseling and if you find out he has this abusive 'dark side'-then drop him because he may never be satisfied with you being, just who you really are! Demanding you gain weight is putting huge risks to your own health. Don't allow this-be strong and take a stand. Protect yourself and be careful.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2005): Do not marry this man. He is only thinking of his own perversion. Its one thing to exept a person for what they are, but to change you into something you are not is awfull. You could make yourself ill, please dont do this for anyone. He is not worth it, find yourself a man who loves you as you are.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (17 September 2005):
 Good grief, you have a "feeder" on your hands. He won't stop until you're bedridden. Try a google search.
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