A
male
age
30-35,
*ammer69
writes:This is going to be weird but here it goes. My fiance brought up a weird question to me. Her long time friend because of a health condition her window to have a child is closing fast. My fiance came to me and asked me how I would feel if she would become a surrogate through artificial insemination for her friend. If her friend were not be able to have any kids of her own. I'm not real good friends with her friend but we get along. But still I'm not really sure what to say to my fiance. I've never been with anyone else before her so i can't exactly draw on past experience. And just for reference my fiance already has a kid and her friend doesn't know about her idea yet. So can some one out there at least give me an idea of what to say or do?
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (31 January 2013):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso Aidan if I showed her this post I would have to worry about it anymore because she would very quickly break up with me. She doesn't like me talking to others about things we talk about. But I like to get ideas from others, see what other people think. She doesn't.
A
male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (31 January 2013):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys. you've at least given me a direction to go in and some thing to possible bring up to her and to her friend if her friend and her friends partner decide in favor of it. thank you.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 January 2013):
 First off, I would URGE and INSIST he consult a lawyer. These types of deals are super dicey. I would also suggest he read the following article, which made national news:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/01/03/168568383/kansas-presses-sperm-donor-to-pay-child-support
While they may be best friends now, things could get ugly and at some point, he could wind up having to support this child. Also, his child could wind up wanting to know his father, which will lead to a feature encounter that he may not have thought of.
Again, read the article and have him consult a lawyer. Sometimes doing something noble will wind up costing him A LOT in the long run.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (30 January 2013):
You need to tell her truthfully how you feel about this if it’s brought up again. If this is more than a wild notion, she’d better think very seriously indeed about this. Encourage her to see how huge it is that she will be carrying a child inside her which she will then have to give up upon its birth. She may well always feel like at least some sort of a mother to that child, yet she will be expected to give up any maternal role in that child’s life. However much she might think of herself as just the host of her friend’s baby, this isn’t going to be an emotionless transaction. Also, how involved are the friend and her partner going to be in the pregnancy? Are they going to start expressing views on what she eats, how much she goes out, etc? In other words on whether they think she’s taking care of herself well enough for their baby? What if they want to come to all the scans, and she just wants a bit of space from them? This could really put their friendship at risk. They’ll have a right to be involved and have a say in her choices.
This idea is fraught with problems. There’s a good reason why people tend to find surrogates they don't know. Yes, it may cost money, but they know how crossing those boundaries with a friend can be bad for everyone. If you’re worried by the suggestion you’re right to be. To repeat though, wait and see how serious she is about it first but do encourage her not to promise anything to the friend until you’ve talked and raised these points to her. Why not just show her this post and the answers you receive even?
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 January 2013):
 I think she's probably just throwing the idea around rather than seriously considering suggesting it. Besides, you don't even know if the friend would be OK with that, it would certainly change the nature of the friendship (and not for the better), which you could point out to your fiancee.
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