A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for any type of feedback if someone is kind enough to help. I cannot talk to my closest friends about this because I dont want to embarass my fiancee.We met two years ago and we are getting married next month, yay! I've NEVER been so happy in a relationship in my life, I'm 31 he is 39. He told me before we started dating that he has had trouble with ED, he's been tested by the docs and all of his Testosterone levels are regular. He swears it's not psychological, although I don't know if that's the case. He had a harendous experience with his ex-girlfriend of seven years and never had a problem with ED/Libido before meeting her. He's told me within one month of meeting his ex, he couldnt' figure out what was wrong with him, so he went to the doctor. The doc gave him Levitra and it still did not work for the two of them, followed by counceling, etc. He had never had this problem before he met her and I truly believe that because she's kinda nuts. He turned to online porn, or anything to ensure that it still "worked". Then he became OCD on it, and the rest is history.When we met, he told me all of this. I told him we should try and work on no Levitra and see how it goes. And that I love him unconditionally no matter what happens. Make no mistake, I love sex, especially with him. He had cut down on the pills and was going natural, we were having sex about every other day. I guess in my mind, I thought I had maybe "cured" his phobias and made him feel the most comfortable he's ever felt. I am a pretty girl and I don't have any insecurity issues... until recently.This past week, he told me he's completely lost his sex drive. It came out of NO WHERE, literally. We were doing our normal thing and he came out and said he'd been taking Levitra and it wasn't working. I asked him if he was ok, and if there was anything I can do for him? Unfortunalely, I did jump to the conclusion that it's me... have I gotten too skinny, am I talking about a wedding too much, is it a job situtation (I was recently laid off). He asked me, "lets just give it a few days, and don't give me a guilt trip about it". I'm not a fan of guilt trips, I think they are detrimental to a relationship, so I have NO clue where that came from. So I got upset, and cried myself to sleep. And now, I'm hyperfocused on it because I feel as though there's nothing I can do. I'm walking on eggshells around him, not saying a word about it, but we both know the issue is there.So basically, after the longwinded question I just posted.. can anyone tell me what could possibly be goign on here? How does a switch just turn on that quickly to all of a sudden "lose your sex drive", did I miss something? He does not masturbate as we have both agreed this will not help our sex lives with his issues. I keep going back to this being psychological. I'm getting married in one month and I am deathly afraid of being rejected in the bedroom for the rest of my life, feeling ugly, too skinny, maybe I need to start wearing make-up? Although, he says this has nothing to do with me, this is all him, and he feels horrible about it.... and he doesnt' want to talk about it at all. I guess I feel like this is a strong issue due to me being a highly sexual individual and a wedding date around the corner.Thanks for your help, any advise at this time would be sooo appreciated.
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ex girlfriend, fiance, his ex, porn, sex drive, the pill, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 August 2010):
 He's stressed and you need to chill out. Go get married and if this issue is still unresolved three months from now, then think about getting help. You freaking out over this is doing neither of you any good. Lighten up, enjoy simply being with each other, and this situation may resolve itself on its own.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Seems like he's nervous. There's a pysch issue going on...something that you cant really solve for him. Just let him know that sex isnt all that important to you, you want to work out any problem you have, and that you are glad to have him. It could be pressure thats getting to him and in the end, it will be up to him to decide whether or not he wantgs to help himself.
Once he feels like there is no pressure coming from your side he should open up. However if this doesnt happen you may need to find him a therapist or a mutal friend (that he wont be sexually attracted to) that you can trust
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I relate to this situation. My husband is going through the exact same situation, with a few difference. But I reading many articles here and many other places and never saw anything that close,regarding to the part, that he suddenly stopped having libido, and not even levitra helps, yet he is not sick. Well, it is a hellish road, because, it is true, that it might have some never have a clear root, and you will stay with the dilemma , nothing else. Im dealing with this at the last 5 years, and it is destroying me inside out. People cant understand d how bad it is when you dont know why is this happening. Yet ,your situation is bit more understandable, because of the porn thing. Look , if you have any more to tell, let me know. But for now, Im very sorry, but I don't see it is a good thing to start something like that. Try to get some help ,if you can . And write back here! Take care
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 You definitely aren't the problem. You shouldn't look at yourself in that way. Know that you're attractive because you've already done it a hundred times before and you said it was great right? So how could you think it was you? Be confident, confidence is a turn on (well it is for me at least)
If no medicine works, think back to what was happening to him before it stopped, you could use a penis pump OR you could go to a doctor and ask if at this point surgery is required. Good luck, I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
I hope that helps
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Being that your wedding is just around the corner and you've been laid off, do you think that stress could be a factor?
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