A
male
age
41-50,
*nsupeal
writes:I've been good friends with this girl for many years (we went to college together) and I've been in love with her pretty much the whole time. I've made up my mind to tell her, but I'm terrified she'll freak out and never want to see me again. (Being with her as a friend is a million times better than nothing.) How do I tell her how I really feel without scaring her away? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 August 2010):
 I'm in a similar boat. I have a female friend who has had close friends confess deep love to her on a couple of occasions. She told me that it is best if you don't beat around the bush. Subtle hints weren't the way to go according to her. Her advice to me was to just tell her. Something along the lines of, "I really like you. I don't know if you feel the same way for me, but keeping this inside is too difficult. I value our friendship a lot, and think we have potential for more. If you don't feel the same, I understand and I hope we can still be friends."
The next step (according to her) is to step back and let her think. She'll likely know that you like her, but this will still catch her off guard. She'll need time to sort out what she feels for you and decide if she wants to give it a chance.
In both cases with my friend above, she turned the guys down. They have been able to maintain their friendships and it is a huge weight lifted off of their interactions.
Sometimes you have to risk it if you want the reward. I'm working on building the confidence to follow her advice. I hope it helps you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Can you tell at all if she is reciprocating? I wouldn't just tell her if you are worried about losing her as a friend. You haven't told us anything about how you think she feels. Are there any vibes you are getting?
I am only cautioning you because you say that the friendship is a million times better than nothing. If you don't want to lose the friendship, then you want to be sure that you have a good chance she'll reciprocate. If not....
But! On the other hand, although you say the friendship is better than nothing, I can't help but think that you may one day regret not going for it. I'm speaking from experience. I was in a similar situation, and I didn't go for it because the friendship at the time seemed worth more, but trust me, when the other party ends up in a committed relationship, your friendship won't be the same... And I regret not having said anything. I realize now that I have lost this person anyway...
If you don't go for it, will you be okay if you leave it she dates someone else and then gets married? Can you be okay with just being a friend and seeing this?
Give it some serious thought and make sure you won't have any regrets now or long term.
I wish you the best :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): I think you should leave subtle notes. slowly tell her, and if she pushes you away, don't force anything on her. maybe even try to be more then friends before you tell her you love her. best of wishes!!!!
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 I was with my Ex fiance when i met my current fiance...It started as a friendship .. we did everything together..and i mean EVERYTHING, my fiance hated him and told me i had to make a choice "either me or him".. i said that i couldn't give up our friendship and he needed to get over it.. so he did
i fell in love with him.. i didn't tell him
he fell in love with me..he didn't tell me
In the end it drove me up the wall and i wrote a note to him saying i liked him(just incase it backfired and i could say "oh yea i ment i LIKE you in a friend way")
he wrote me a 2 page note explaining how obsessed he was with him
i left my fiance and moved home to my home town to stay with my mom (we did the long distance thing for 10 months) till we couldn't take the distance anymore and moved in
together
he asked me to marry him last year and were getting married in may of 2011 (been together for 3 years)
you can always do what i did.. write a note! :)(just in case it back fires come up with a plan)
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Tell her slowly, give her subtle hints that you feel something and then when the time is right, you tell her that you actually feel something for her. I don't think she'll freak out and never want to see you again, that's a little drastic don't you think?
I hope that helps.
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