A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiance keeps asking if I love him. He will ask, Do you "really" love me? Then he asks if I am living with him because I have no other place to go. Btw-I've got the means to go anywhere. I am here because I want to be with him. Then he will ask me if I am here only because I feel sorry for him. My gosh, we are suppose to be planning our wedding! These endless questions of him questioning my love for him is starting to cause a wedge. He tells me he loves me every day but now I am starting to wonder if he wants to creates that wedge or is using some sort of reverse psychology on me or maybe wants me to really go away (he talks a lot about a younger female coworker that is getting a divorce that has my mind on overdrive). Those questions make me feel like he thinks I am using him. He has been used in the past by ex-girlfriends.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): OP here. Thing is I feel he is more than interested in this female co-worker who is much younger than myself. She is very attractive and works department as him (he is her boss). He wants to do all sorts of favors for her since she is going through such a "tough" divorce and can sympathize since he is divorced too. He talks about her way to much for my comfort and knows all sorts of things about her and her life and her divorce. So I wonder if he is trying to dissuade me in some sort of mind game so that I move on since he sees an opportunity here with this young attractive woman. This just adds to the equation. I mean, if I am not doin it for him, then tell me that instead of playing these games of love me, love me not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): He is insecure about you not loving him. So he mentions his co worker as a deliberate attempt to make you insecure too, to get back at you for "making " him feel insecure (even though his feelings are his own problem not yours) .
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 It sounds like his past is catching up with his present. When guys have been taken advantage of in the past, by multiple women, they assume all women are gold diggers. I think you have to understand his point of reference here... he is merely trying to protect himself and he may be suffering low self-esteem. If he has been hurt in the past he may be doubting whether he could really have someone who truly loves him.
However, his question is a bit childish. He could be playing around or he could be very serious. I am not sure which one it is, but he could be "testing" you and the game he is playing shows off his insecurity.
Next time he asks you if you really love him look him in the eye and answer truthfully with how you feel. Tell him you wouldn't be marrying him otherwise. Tell him you are there for him -- and him only. And finally, ask him "Why don't you believe me when I put my heart out there for you? Don't you realize how much it hurts ME when you don't feel that my feelings are genuine?" If you really want to beat him to the punch, do this when he least expects it.
Hopefully he'll get the picture when you tell him something besides "of course I do". The bottom line -- make your declaration count!
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 February 2013):
 In my eyes... this "question" boils down ONLY to this detail: Do you say to him "I love you" sometimes?
If you do... then your submittal is 'way more in-depth than just a question of his insecurities....
If you DON'T (say "I love you")... then the onus switches to YOU..... and (I would ask) why don't you?
Why do I submit this? Because I spent six years in a relationship with a woman who NEVER said "I love you." I did so.... and,from her, I heard this: "I like you, too..." (HUH????)
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE "LIKED".... I EXPECTED TO BE LOVED (RECIPROCATED)..... After 7 years... and doing a darn good job sticking by her through a bout of breast cancer.... and any/all other travails of life.... I decided that I was ENTITLED to a woman who "loved" me, as a "girlfriend" would love a "boyfriend"...... and told her so.... and we went on our separate ways....
Sooooo.... 1. Do you love him? 2. Do you tell him?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Yes, it sounds like maybe he's a bit interested in this co-worker OR that her divorce is getting him paranoid about you divorcing him in the future.
I would definitely talk to him. See what's really going on.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Well you've said you guys are planning your wedding or meant to be, and his younger female co worker is getting divorced.... don't you think he's going to be a bit edgy she's a younger woman he works with whose going through a divorce he's been used by other women he's probably really scared that because she's younger and getting divorced and now he's planning a wedding that it'll go the same way.Think about it he probably wants to know that you guys won't divorce i mean how scarey would that be for you... you've been used all your life by people and then you find someone who you think this is it and then to find someone whose younger than yourself is getting a divorce.... I'd get freaked out tbh!When you think marriage you think forever obviously it's not that way but he probably thought that at the time and now someone who he knows was married is divorcing at a younger age than himself he's going to start questioning things to ensure you are serious about this. He want that security of knowing marriage is marriage to you and not going to be used then divorce him to take him for all he's got (maybe the younger lady is doing that and looking forward to it so he's now worried)Just try and reassure him let him know how you feel and that you want to marry him and be with him for him! Hope this helps x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): If he's constantly talking about a young female coworker that's getting a divorce, do you think he's interested in her? He could be losing interest in you, or probably he doesn't really know if he wants to get married. Talk to him to find out whats really going on
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