A
female
age
41-50,
*ollTheDice
writes:I am seriously conflicted about something and really need some guidance from those that personally don't know me because I know you all will be honest! I will do the best I can to keep this as the condensed version, but I do apologize in advance if this becomes too wordy. And with that, here is a bit of background so you understand better:There is this guy that I have been chatting with online for awhile now. We did not meet on a dating site or anything but rather a forum on something that we both share a mutual interest in. What started out as just some casual chatting seemed to turn into something else – at least a very good friendship if nothing else, and the more that I got to know him as a person, the more that I began to develop these feelings for him. I have had boyfriend's before in the past, but none of them have made me feel the way that he does when we talk – and it is a GOOD kind of feeling. We pretty much talk just about every day now and I look forward to it.On some level I think he cares about me as well, but I am just not sure how much. You see on one hand he seems to drop hints that he really likes me as well – just based on our conversations. For example once we were talking on the phone and out of the blue he mentioned that he would love for me to meet his family and jokingly added that we would probably get strange looks from them as we fed each other if we were out to eat, hehe. Or that he would love to be able to take me on a cruise someday. And he has even hinted that we should eventually move in together – although probably not until he has a better paying job. He has even mentioned that he has dream about me before – a good dream too. Plus there is the talk about all the things we would together once we meet up, both of the sexual and non-sexual variety. Just comments like these...On the other hand I am just not sure. We live on opposite ends of the coast here in the US and I don't know if he would seriously consider waiting or being exclusive with someone that he has never met and currently lives far away. Even before knowing him I have considered the idea of moving out to the state that he was in, but since knowing him the idea has become more and more appealing. I have mentioned to him that I am considering a change in jobs (again something I been thinking on and off about before I knew him) and possibly leaving the state I am in without explicitly stating that I am looking to move out to the state he is in, but he never mentions that I should consider moving out closer to him when this does come up.The other thing is that he is a member on this website where a large part of the community has to do with these personal ad's of people seeking each other out that are looking for a specific type of relationship, and one that I am very open to and that he knows – or at least I think he does based again on some of our conversations. He does not know that I know that he has a profile on there and that he is sometimes visits it because it tells you the last time they were on the site. I can't think of any reason why he would be on there other than to look at profiles and in his description he mentions that he is looking for someone.Also for Christmas I tried to get his home address so I could send him something because I wanted to and he ignored the request, only to turn around later and say he thought I was asking only to exchange cards and that was it. Then Valentine's day came and went without even a Happy Valentine's Day or anything like that. (and we usually exchange greetings for the holidays, but I thought for this one he should have been the one proactive with that IMO)So that is pretty much where I am more or less. Again I am sure he likes me on some level – but I don't know if I am wasting my time with someone I shouldn't. I really care for him – A LOT – and want nothing but the best for him. But the thought of not knowing at least what he might think of me, what goes through his mind sometimes when we do talk is driving me crazy. And it is not like I can easily just come right out and ask him – it would just be too awkward and I am afraid I might scare him away.Given what I said, is anyone getting any feeling here as to what the situation might be with us? And does anyone have any suggestions on how to find out what he thinks about me without coming right out and asking? (I know it would be easier to do the direct approach but I just can't do that with him...)Thanks!
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reader, RollTheDice +, writes (18 February 2013):
RollTheDice is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those that have responded so far.I prefer not to lie to him and say that I plan on visiting where he is soon because unless a job opportunity presents itself, I really can't afford to fly out there quite yet. Imagine if he wanted to make arrangements and then I have to back off and say "Just kidding! Was just testing you to see what your response would be!". I don't think he trust me after that.And I really don't have anything holding me to where I am right now other than my job. Family is pretty much non-existant to me and the friends that I do have, we really aren't THAT close. I mean I am not going to base where I live on that. But I do understand your concern about moving in with someone you don't know -at least in the physical sense as well - and I think I would want to meet up first before moving in should things ever progress in that direction.But a lot of people are in LDR's and have happy and successful stories to tell - I personally know someone that dated someone from another country that they met online and eventually they moved out to be with them and almost 10 years later they are still happily married. So it is possible. :)I am a rather reserved person and I did have someone ask me out on a date last month, but I turned them down because I really like this guy. Crazy, I know, but those are my feelings. Although I have to politely disagree that everyone that is on a dating site has some kind of issue. My own sister met the most wonderful man on POF and is in the best relationship she has ever been in with the sweetest guy, so don't think it is fair to judge there. :)That being said, I can honestly say that I like him first and foremost for the person that he is. I really do want to be there for him to the best of my capabilities. I just am not sure what he truly thinks about me - something more than just a friend or what.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Why don't you tell him that you will be visiting his state soon and see if he suggests meeting up? If he doesn't then I think you have your answer. If he does then get saving! You will get a much better idea of his intentions if you can see him face to face.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 The only signal you got is pixels on a screen. For some reason my guess is you are in the east and he's in the west. Would you separate from your family and friends to move in with a guy you know only virtually?
I think he is a dreamer. The fastest way to get your answer is to talk about real things, like, how to actually meet in person. I bet you will never hear about him and his promises again.
If you had known him for years in the same place, but he got a good job in the opposite coast, AND has asked to marry you, then maybe I will consider moving there with him. Spending thousands in airfare just to get to know a person does not make much sense.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 He was not warm to u on xmas or vday cos his logic kicked in. LDRs do not work cos relationships are built on face to face interaction n experiences not emails fb comments n messages. Most if not all ppl who are on dating websites have some kind of hangup on reltshps or issue. Otherwise why not go out n be proactive n talk n mingle? Youre taking a huge risk here being involved n it just doesnt make sense. Are u lonely n just need someone? Do u like him for the attention only? Stop n question these things n dont let ur emotions run wild. Good luck.
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