A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my fiance, who i have been with for a year, wants to wait until we are married to make love to me. the problem is that she is not a virgin and i feel like she is being unfair and that she doesnt love me as much as her ex who she did make love to.what should i do?its killing me that she doesnt want to make love to me, she says i should respect her need to wait. i will have to wait another year, as we dont get married until then so it will be about 2 years with me being abstinent, and i cant do that!
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female
reader, Denise911  +, writes (28 July 2007):
if you love her, you will wait. I have been dating this guy and when we first met he said he wanted to wait with making love because he wants it to be special. We waited 4 weeks and you know what he was right, it was very special. I admire someone like that rather than the guys in my past he wanted to jump into bed on the first night of meeting me. It was worth the wait. And i am sure it will worth the wait with you. Don't pressure her into anything. Give her that respect and she will love you even more.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): In my experience, the frequency of sexual activity tends to wane somewhat after marriage.
Her abstinence may have been acceptable behaviour a hundred years ago in western culture and is normal behaviour now in some other eastern cultures.
Be careful, after marriage divorce could follow quite quickly - and that's a lot more expensive.
Phil
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A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 If you truly are a good and decent guy, don't listen to the assholes here, and pay attention to the girls:Sex is a big thing for us, and a really big risk!! If she's had a scare in the past, or, indeed, played "dirty girl", as one guy put it, she may regret it deeply.Have respect. Pressuring her will only make her dig her heels in more deeply. If you truly love her, then this is a small price to pay. Imagine how good - and special - the sex will be when you two are married? Maybe you two can move the wedding date forward a little?I don't think she's trying to break up with you, I don't think she doesn't love you, and I don't think she's playing you for a sucker. I think she's just trying to do what she feels is best. If you don't see eye to eye, perhaps couple's counseling would help? Im not sure how to solve this problem, but I do know that the girls were outnumbered in this debate. :P
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Why do you think she's his ex? Maybe she thinks sex too early screws things up. Ask her if that's what she thinks and go from there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): She's decided to "clean up her act" after getting dirty with someone else.
I'm sure there will be tons of responses on here that you should accept her, and overlook her past and just concentrate on the stronger person she has become now, blah, blah, blah.
Bullsh*t.
She had a "bad boy," she had a lot of sex with him, then she decided that it was time to grow up, and now you're gonna be the "better guy" that she gets serious with. So she has the fun, you do the work, and she'll reap the rewards at both ends. That's what you get for being a nice guy.
If people wanna accept her for just being human and acting on some very understandable feelings, then people can accept YOU for just being human and acting on some other very understandable feelings too. Respect yourself and your long wait for sex, and leave her over it. If you don't, then all the rationalizations in the world won't ever erase the sick feeling that you've played the sucker in this whole thing. Because you will have played the sucker.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (28 July 2007):
 She had sex with someone BEFORE meeting you, and wants to make you wait? Unless she has had some religious experience, I would take this as a sign that she wants to end it with you, BUT does not want to be the one to break it up.
Find someone else that wants the same things you want.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 i know its going to be hard but maybe she regerts having sex with her ex and maybe she wants to keep it special between u guys by waiting till marriage explain to her how you are feeling, but don't try and force her to have sex
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